Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

Denise and Sharon howled with laughter at the wonderful choice of song and gave her a big cheer. Holly struggled on, singing dreadfully and looking like she was about to burst into tears.

Just when she felt like she was about to hear boos again her family and friends joined in with the chorus. “Ooh, I'll get by with a little help from my friends; yes, I'll get by with a little help from my friends.”

The crowd turned to her table of family and friends and laughed and the atmosphere warmed a little more. Holly prepared herself for the high note coming up and yelled at the top of her lungs,

“Do you neeeed anybody?” She even managed to give herself a fright with the volume and a few people helped her out to sing, “I need somebody to love.”

“Do you neeeed anybody?” she repeated and held the microphone out to the crowd to encourage them to sing, and they all sang, “I need somebody to love,” and gave themselves a round of applause. Holly felt less nervous now and battled her way through the rest of the song.

The people down the back continued on chatting, the bar staff carried on serving drinks and smashing glasses until Holly felt like she was the only one listening to herself.

When she had finally finished singing, a few polite tables up front and her own table to the right were the only people to acknowledge her. The DJ took the microphone from her hand and managed to say between laughs, “Please give it up for the incredibly brave Holly Kennedy!”

This time her family and friends were the only people to cheer. Denise and Sharon approached her with cheeks wet from tears of laughter.

“I'm so proud of you!” Sharon said, throwing her arms around Holly's neck. “It was awful!”

“Thanks for helping me, Sharon,” she said as she hugged her friend.

Jack and Abbey cheered and Jack shouted, “Terrible! Absolutely terrible!”

Holly's mother smiled encouragingly at her, knowing she had passed her special singing talent down to her daughter, and Holly's father could barely look her in the eye he was laughing so much. All Ciara could manage was to repeat over and over again, “I never knew anyone could be so bad.”

Declan waved at her from across the room with a camera in his hand and gave her the thumbs-down. Holly hid in the corner at the table and sipped on her water while she listened to everyone congratulating her on being so desperately bad. Holly couldn't remember the last time she had felt so proud.

John shuffled over to Holly and leaned against the wall beside her, where he watched the next act onstage in silence. Eventually he plucked up the courage to speak and said, “Gerry's probably here, you know,” and looked at her with watery eyes.

Poor John, he missed his best friend too. She gave him an encouraging smile and looked around the room. He was right. Holly could feel Gerry's presence. She could feel him wrapping his arms around her and giving her one of the hugs she missed so much.

After an hour the singers had finally finished and Daniel and the DJ headed off to tot up the votes. Everyone had been handed a voting slip as they paid at the door and Holly couldn't bring it upon herself to write her own name down, so she gave her slip to Sharon. It was pretty obvious that Holly wasn't going to win, but that had never been her intention. And on the off chance that she did win, she shuddered at the thought of having to return in two weeks' time to repeat the whole experience. She hadn't learned a thing from it, only that she hated karaoke even more. Last year's winner, Keith, had brought along at least thirty of his friends, which meant that he was a sure winner, and Holly doubted very much that her “adoring fans” in the crowd would vote for her.

The DJ played a pathetic CD of a drumroll as the winners were about to be announced. Daniel took to the stage once again in his black leather jacket and black slacks uniform and was greeted by wolf whistles and screams from the girls. Worryingly, the loudest of these girls was Ciara.

Richard looked excited and crossed his fingers at Holly. A very sweet but incredibly naïve gesture, she thought; he obviously didn't understand the “rules” properly.

There was a bit of embarrassment as the drumroll began to skip and the DJ rushed over to his equipment to shut it down. The winners were announced undramatically, in dead silence. “OK, I'd like to thank everyone for taking part in tonight's competition, you provided us all with some terrific entertainment.” That last part was directed at Holly and she slithered down her seat with embarrassment. “OK, so the two people that will be going through to the final are,” Daniel paused for dramatic effect, “Keith and Samantha!”

Holly jumped up with excitement and danced around in a huddle with Denise and Sharon. She had never felt such relief in her life. Richard looked on very confused, and the rest of Holly's family congratulated her on her victorious loss.

“I voted for the blond one,” Declan announced with disappointment.

“That's just because she had big tits,” Holly laughed.

“Well, we all have our own individual talents,” Declan agreed.

Holly wondered what hers were as she sat back down. It must be a wonderful feeling to win something, to know that you have a talent. Holly had never won anything in her life; she didn't play any sports, couldn't play an instrument, now that she thought about it, she didn't have any hobbies or special interests. What would she put down on her CV when she eventually got around to applying for a job? “I like to drink and shop” wouldn't go down very well. She sipped her drink thoughtfully. Holly had lived her life being interested only in Gerry; in fact, everything she did revolved around him. In a way, being his wife was all she was good at; being his partner was all she knew. Now what did she have? No job, no husband and she couldn't even sing in a karaoke competition properly, never mind win it.

Sharon and John seemed engrossed in a heated discussion, Abbey and Jack were gazing into each other's eyes like love-struck teenagers as usual, Ciara was snuggling up to Daniel, and Denise was . . . Actually, where was Denise?

Holly looked around the club and spotted her sitting on the stage swinging her legs and striking a very provocative pose for the karaoke host. Holly's parents had left hand in hand just after her name wasn't announced as a winner, which left . . . Richard. Richard sat squashed beside Ciara and Daniel, looking around the room like a lost puppy and taking a sip from his drink every few seconds out of paranoia. Holly realized she must have looked like him . . . a complete loser. But at least this loser had a wife and two children to go home to, unlike Holly, who had a date with a microwave dinner.

Holly moved over and sat on the high stool opposite Richard and struck up a conversation.

“You enjoying yourself?”

He looked up from his drink, startled that someone had spoken to him. “Yes, thank you, I'm having fun, Holly.”

If that was him having fun Holly dreaded to think what he looked like when he wasn't.

“I'm surprised you came, actually, I didn't think this would be your scene.”

“Oh, you know . . . you have to support the family.” He stirred his drink.

“So where's Meredith tonight?”

“Emily and Timothy,” he said, as if that explained it all.

“You working tomorrow?”

“Yes,” he said suddenly, knocking back his drink, “so I best be off. You were a great sport tonight, Holly.” He looked around awkwardly at his family, debating whether to interrupt them and say good-bye but eventually deciding against it. He nodded to Holly and off he went, maneuvering his way through the thick crowd.

Holly was once again alone. As much as she wanted to grab her bag and run home, she knew she should sit this one out. There would be plenty of times in the future when she would be alone like this, the only singleton in the company of couples, and she needed to adapt. She felt awful, though, and she also felt angry with the others who didn't even notice her. Then she cursed herself for being so childish, she couldn't have asked for more supportive friends and family. Holly wondered whether this had been Gerry's intention. Did he think that this situation was what she needed? Did he think that this would help her? Perhaps he was right, because she was certainly being tested. It was forcing her to become braver in more ways than one. She had stood on a stage and sung to hundreds of people, and now she was stuck in a situation where she was surrounded by couples. They were all around her. Whatever his plan was, she was being forced to become braver without him. Just sit it out, she told herself.