Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

“Of course you can, love, you're always welcome here.” Then she lowered her voice to a whisper, “Just as long as you know that Richard is here.” Christ! What was with all the little visits all of a sudden?

Holly had contemplated heading straight home when she heard that but convinced herself she was being silly. He was her brother, and as annoying as he was, she couldn't go on avoiding him forever.

She arrived to an extremely loud and crowded house and it felt like old times again, hearing screams and shouts in every room. Her mum was setting an extra place at the table just as she walked in. “Oh, Mum, you should have told me you were having dinner,” Holly said, giving her a hug and a kiss.

“Why, have you eaten already?”

“No, actually I'm starving, but I hope you didn't go to too much trouble.”

“No trouble at all, dear, it just means that poor Declan will have to go without food for the day, that's all,” she said, teasing her son who was taking his seat. He made a face at her.

The atmosphere was so much more relaxed this time around, or maybe it had just been Holly who was uptight during the last family dinner.

“So, Mr. Hard Worker, why aren't you in college today?” she said sarcastically.

“I've been in college all morning,” he replied, making a face, “and I'm going back in at eight o'clock, actually.”

“That's very late,” said her father, pouring gravy all over his plate. He always ended up with more gravy than food on his plate.

“Yeah, but it was the only time I could get to book the editing suite.”

“Is there only one editing suite, Declan?” piped up Richard.

“Yeah.” Ever the conversationalist.

“And how many students are there?”

“It's only a small class, there are just twelve of us.”

“Don't they have the funds for any more?”

“For what, students?” Declan teased.

“No, for another editing suite.”

“No, it's only a small college, Richard.”

“I suppose the bigger universities would be better equipped for things like that, they're better all-round.”

And there was the dig they were all waiting for.

“No, I wouldn't say that, the facilities are top of the range, there's just fewer people so therefore less equipment. And the lecturers aren't inferior to university lecturers, they're a bonus because they work in the industry as well as lecturing. In other words, they practice what they preach.

It's not just textbook stuff.”

Good for you, Declan, Holly thought, and winked across the table at him.

“I wouldn't imagine they get paid well doing that, so they probably have no choice but to lecture as well.”

“Richard, working in film is a very good job; you're talking about people who have spent years in college studying for degrees and master's . . .”

“Oh, you get a degree for that, do you?” Richard was amazed. “I thought it was just a little course you were doing.”

Declan stopped eating and looked at Holly in shock. Funny how Richard's ignorance still amazed everyone.

“Who do you think makes all those gardening programs you watch, Richard?” Holly interjected.

“They're not just a crowd of people who are doing a little course.”

The thought had clearly never crossed his mind that there was a skill involved.

“Great little programs they are,” he agreed.

“What's your project on, Declan?” Frank asked.

Declan finished chewing his food before he spoke. “Oh, it's kind of too messy to go into, but basically it's on club life in Dublin.”

“Ooh, will we be in it?” Ciara broke her unusual silence and asked excitedly.

“Yeah, I might just show the back of your head or something,” he joked.

“Well, I can't wait to see it,” Holly said encouragingly.

“Thanks.” Declan put his knife and fork down and started laughing. “Hey, what's this I hear about you singing in a karaoke competition next week?”

“What?” Ciara yelled, her eyes nearly popping out of her head.

Holly pretended not to know what he was talking about.

“Ah come on, Holly!” he persisted. “Danny told me!” He turned to the rest of the table and explained, “Danny is the owner of the place where I did the gig the other night and he told me Holly has entered a karaoke competition in the club upstairs.”

Everyone oohed and aahed and talked about how great it was. Holly refused to give in. “Declan, Daniel's just playing games with you. Sure everyone knows I can't sing! Now come on,” she addressed the rest of the table. “Honestly, if I was singing in a karaoke competition I think I would tell you all.” She laughed as if the thought were so ridiculous. In fact, the thought was so ridiculous.

“Holly!” he laughed. “I saw your name on the list! Don't lie!”

Holly put her knife and fork down, she suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.

“Holly, why didn't you tell us you're going to sing in a competition?” her mother asked.

“Because I can't sing!”

“Then why are you doing it?” Ciara burst out laughing.

She might as well tell them, she figured; otherwise Declan would beat it out of her and she didn't like lying to her parents. It's just a shame Richard would have to hear it too.

“OK, it's a really complicated story, but basically Gerry entered my name in months ago because he really wanted me to do it, and as much as I don't want to do it, I feel I have to go through with it. It's stupid, I know.”

Ciara stopped laughing abruptly.

Holly felt paranoid with her family staring at her, and she nervously tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Well, I think that's a wonderful idea,” her dad suddenly announced.

“Yes,” added her mum, “and we'll all be there to support you.”

“No, Mum, you really don't have to, it's no big deal.”

“There's no way my sister is singing in a competition without me being there,” declared Ciara.

“Here, here,” said Richard. “We'll all go so. I've never been to a karaoke before, it should be . . .

,” he searched his brain for the right word, “. . . fun.”

Holly groaned and closed her eyes, wishing she had gone straight home from town. Declan was laughing hysterically. “Yes, Holly, it'll be . . . hmmm . . . ,” he said, scratching his chin, “. . .

fun!”

“When is it on?” Richard said, taking out his diary.

“Eh . . . Saturday,” Holly lied, and Richard began writing it down.

“It is not!” Declan burst out. “It's next Tuesday, you liar!”

“Shit!” cursed Richard, much to everyone's surprise. “Has anyone got any Tipp-Ex?”

Holly could not stop going to the toilet. She was nervous and had gotten practically no sleep the night before. And she looked just the way she felt. There were huge bags under her bloodshot eyes, and her lips were bitten.

The big day had arrived, her worst nightmare, singing in public.

Holly wasn't the kind of person who even sang in the shower, for fear of cracking all the mirrors. But man, was she spending time in the toilet today. There was no better laxative than fear, and Holly felt like she had lost a stone in just one day. Her friends and family had been as supportive as ever, sending her good luck cards. Sharon and John had even sent her a bouquet of flowers, which she placed on the draft-free, heat-vent-free coffee table beside her half-dead orchid. Denise had “hilariously” sent her a sympathy card.

Holly dressed in the outfit Gerry had told her to buy in April and cursed him all throughout.

There were far more important things to worry about right now than irrelevant little details like how she looked. She left her hair down so it could cover her face as much as possible and piled on the waterproof mascara as though it could prevent her from crying. She could foresee the night ending in tears. She tended to have psychic powers when it came to facing the shittiest days of her life.