Cecelia Ahern - The Time of My Life

‘But I do think you spend your days trying to endlessly dis please him. Which is something,’ he said.

It came out of nowhere, a random comment and I pretended not to know what he was talking about. But I did.

That night was Chantelle’s birthday, which meant we were all summoned to the Wine Bistro. We never bought each other presents, instead agreeing on covering the birthday girl or boy’s share of the meal. We used to meet weekly in Blake’s and my apartment but when we split up we all moved to this restaurant where the food was cheap but good. Life met me down the block and to my absolute surprise and delight was wearing jeans, and beneath the crusty crumpled suit jacket was a fresh white linen shirt. Good teeth and better clothes, surely it meant I was on the up. I couldn’t stop yawning – he still hadn’t bothered to get any nose plugs, but the yawning wasn’t just down to being tired, I was incredibly anxious, which he picked up on.

‘Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay.’

‘Of course I’m worried, I’ve absolutely no idea what you’re going to say to them.’

‘I’m not going to say anything, I’ll just observe. But if you lie, I’ll tell a truth.’

Which made me anxious; my friendships were built on lies. I yawned again. ‘Just watch out for Adam. He’s Blake’s best friend and he hates me.’

‘I’m sure he doesn’t hate you.’

‘Just watch out.’

‘Okay.’

I started power-walking up the street which was difficult in double platforms; I felt like I was trying to run in a dream but wasn’t getting anywhere. Breathlessly, I started giving him the rundown. ‘Lisa is pregnant, she’s got about a month to go and she’s got all this fluid stuff in her face and hands so don’t stare too much, and please bear with her. David is her husband, he’s the guy bearing with her. Lisa used to go out with Jamie years ago and David and Jamie are friends and sometimes it gets a bit weird but generally it’s fine. They didn’t cheat or anything, they got together years later so don’t worry about that.’

‘Okay, I’ll try not to worry about Jamie and David. If at any stage you think I’m getting too interested in their exciting lives you just jump right in there and stop me.’

‘You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.’

‘And yet it is still extremely funny.’

‘Chantelle will probably try to come on to you – she gets very flirty after drink – so if you feel a hand under the table, it’s her. Adam’s girlfriend Mary is a photographer and wears black all the time and I don’t trust her.’

‘Because she wears black?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, because she’s a photographer.’

‘Well, I’m so glad it was just me being ridiculous.’

‘She’s always trying to see things in different angles. Everything. Even simple things like me saying, “I went to the shop today.” She’ll be like,’ I took on a deep and slow voice, ‘“Why? Which shop? Are you afraid of shops? Is it because of your childhood? How was the light there?”’ Life laughed at me and I returned to normal, panting and striding, striding and panting. ‘She complicates things. Which leaves …’ I went through them all in my head. ‘Me. And I’m in so much trouble right now.’ I stopped walking outside the restaurant and faced him, ‘Please don’t make my friends hate me.’

‘Lucy, give me your hand.’ I wouldn’t, so his hand chased mine in the air.

‘No, they’re clammy.’ I looked into the restaurant, saw them all sitting there. I was last, as usual. ‘Great, we’re late.’

‘If it’s any consolation you’ll be the first out of there.’

‘Are you psychic too?’

‘No, but you never stay till the end. And my hands are not clammy,’ he said, more to himself than to me, feeling them. He grabbed my hands. ‘See?’

They were actually dry; I was most definitely on the up, only I didn’t feel like that right then.

‘Lucy, look at me. Calm down. I won’t make your friends hate you any more than they already do. That’s a joke, don’t look so scared. Seriously, I won’t make your friends hate you. I promise. Now breathe.’ We resumed walking and he was still holding my hand. I momentarily calmed and then I saw Adam watching us from inside the restaurant and I quickly let go of Life and then I panicked again. As soon as we entered, the waiter with the fake French accent saw me, and he didn’t even attempt to hide the dread in his eyes.

‘ Bonjour ,’ I said to him as I took off my jacket. ‘ D’accord, tu peux rester près de moi tant que tu ne parles pas de la chaleur qu’il fait ici .’ Okay, you can stand beside me as long as you don’t talk about how hot it is here.

He gave me a big smile that showed he had just about had enough of me, and picked up the menus. ‘Zis way,’ he mumbled.

‘What was that about?’ Life asked.

I didn’t answer, I was too busy following the fake French waiter and pasting on a big fake smile to my friends who weren’t looking at me but who had all eyes on Life. Everyone was sitting in their favourite places apart from Melanie; her seat was empty because she had flown to Ibiza that morning to work at a P Diddy party. I sat at the head of the table and stared down to where Blake should be. It was always a reminder. Life sat beside me in Melanie’s place. They were all staring at us.

‘Everybody, this is—’ I stalled slightly but not long enough for anybody to notice, I hoped.

‘Cosmo Brown,’ he finished for me. ‘I’m a friend of Lucy’s, I’m in town for a few weeks.’

I looked at him in surprise, then at everybody else to see if they’d swallowed it. Why wouldn’t they? They were nodding, making friendly happy sounds, and one by one they introduced themselves, the men shaking hands across the table. Adam eyed him warily, Mary no doubt checked the lighting on his face for signs of childhood trauma.

‘Cosmo,’ Lisa said, looking at her husband David. ‘I like that name.’ She rubbed her swollen belly.

‘Yeah,’ David said, trying to be polite to both Lisa and my life but clearly hating the name.

‘So it’s a boy,’ Chantelle said, catching them out.

‘No,’ Lisa said.

The others jeered while Lisa tried to speak over them.

‘I told you that we don’t know, but if it was a boy, Cosmo would be nice. My God, I’ve to be so specific with you.’ She buried her head in the menu.

‘So how long do you two know each other?’ Adam asked.

Interesting first question. I translated it as, So how long have you been sleeping with Lucy behind Blake’s back?

I looked at Life feeling nervous that he would blurt it all out, but he kept his promise.

‘Oh …’ Life looked at me and laughed. ‘Forever.’

‘Forever?’ Adam asked, eyebrows raised. ‘How long are you in Dublin for?’

‘I’m not sure yet,’ Life said, taking off his awful suit jacket and turning up his new linen shirt sleeves. ‘I’m going to see how things go.’

‘Are you here working?’

‘Generally? Or now?’

‘Here, in Dublin,’ Adam said.

‘It’s business and pleasure,’ Life said with a big smile so that the lack of information didn’t seem at all rude. I needed to learn from him. Little pieces of information were better than lies. Though it didn’t seem to be working with Adam as he wanted to know everything about my life.

‘What line of work are you in?’ he asked.

‘Don’t worry, it’s nothing to be threatened by.’ Life held his hands up defensively, making a point of Adam’s interrogation. Everyone laughed, apart from Adam who seemed annoyed. Mary put her hand in his lap and gave his hand a little squeeze. It said, Calm down. She hated me too. When Blake and I broke up I hadn’t heard from her again – a clear sign that we were only friends because our boyfriends were – and while it was insulting I was quite happy about never having to go to bizarre photograph exhibitions again such as ‘Moments in Thyme: a unique and distinct look at nature’.