Cecelia Ahern - The Time of My Life

‘Hello?’ he asked, worried. ‘Are you still there?’

‘Yes,’ I said quietly.

‘Oh, good. I thought I’d said something wrong.’

‘No, you didn’t, it’s just that … well, that was my office.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes. Unfortunately.’

‘Jesus. Are you okay?’

‘Better than he is, anyway.’

‘Did you see the guy?’

‘Sausage,’ I said, staring across the river at Boland’s Mills.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I nicknamed him Sausage. He was the softest man in the building and he pointed a gun right at my head.’

‘Shit,’ he said. ‘Are you okay, did he hurt you?’

‘I’m fine.’ But I wasn’t fine and he knew it but I couldn’t see him and I didn’t know him so it didn’t matter and I kept talking. ‘It was only a water pistol, you know, we found out afterwards when they’d … got him down on the ground. It was his son’s. He’d taken it that morning and told his wife he was going to get his job back. Jesus, a fucking water pistol made me question my whole life.’

‘Of course it would. I mean, you didn’t know, did you?’ he said gently. ‘And had he pulled the trigger you could have had very frizzy hair.’

I laughed, threw my head back and laughed.

‘Oh God. There was me hoping I’d get fired, and he gave up his life to get his job back.’

‘I wouldn’t say his life, it was hardly a deadly weapon, though I haven’t seen you with frizzy hair. I haven’t seen you at all. Have you got hair?’

I laughed. ‘Brown hair.’

‘Hmm, another piece of the puzzle.’

‘So tell me about your day, Don.’

‘I can’t beat yours, that’s for sure. Let me take you for a drink, I bet you could do with one,’ he said gently. ‘Then I can tell you all about my day face to face.’

I was quiet.

‘We’ll meet somewhere crowded, somewhere familiar, you choose where, bring ten friends with you if you want, ten men, big men with muscles. I’m not into big men by the way, or any men, I’d rather you not bring them at all but if I said that first you’d think I was planning to kidnap you. Which I’m not.’ He sighed. ‘Smooth, aren’t I?’

I smiled. ‘Thank you, but I can’t. My brother and my mother are holding me hostage.’

‘You’ve had a day of it. Another time then. This weekend? You’ll see there’s more to me than just a beautiful left ear.’

I started laughing. ‘Don, you sound like a really nice guy—’

‘Uh-oh.’

‘But frankly, I’m a mess.’

‘Of course you are, anyone would be after the day you’ve had.’

‘No, not just because of today, I mean generally, I’m a mess.’ I rubbed my face tiredly, realising contrary to my own popular opinion that I genuinely was a mess. ‘I spend more time telling a wrong number things I don’t even tell my family.’

He laughed lightly and it felt like his breath whistled down the phone to my ear. I shuddered. I felt as though he was standing right beside me.

‘That’s got to be a good sign, hasn’t it?’ He livened up. ‘Come on, if it turns out I’m a big fat ugly thing that you never want to see again then you can leave and I’ll never bother you again. Or if it turns out that you’re a big fat ugly thing, you’ll have nothing to worry about because I’ll never want to see you again. Or maybe you’re looking for a big fat ugly thing and in that case there’s no point in meeting me because I’m not.’

‘I can’t, Don, I’m sorry.’

‘I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me and I don’t even know your name.’

‘I told you, it’s Gertrude.’

‘Gertrude,’ he said, a little defeated. ‘Right, well, just remember you called me first.’

‘It was a wrong number,’ I laughed.

‘Okay then,’ he said finally. ‘I’ll leave you alone. I’m glad you’re okay.’

‘Thanks, Don. Goodbye.’

We ended the call and I leaned on the rail and looked out as the reflection from all the apartments’ lights shimmered in the black water. My phone beeped.

– A parting gift.

I scrolled down.

A pair of beautiful blue eyes stared back at me. I studied them until I almost imagined them blink.

When I went back in to Mum and Riley they were kind enough not to ask any questions about the phone call but while Riley went to get the car keys to drop me home, Mum took a moment and I sensed a special chat.

‘Lucy, I didn’t get the opportunity to talk with you after you left lunch last week.’

‘I know, I’m sorry I left so hastily,’ I said. ‘The food was lovely, I just remembered I had to meet somebody.’

She frowned. ‘Really? Because I felt that it was because I signed the documents for the appointment with your life.’

‘No, it wasn’t,’ I interrupted. ‘It really wasn’t. I can’t remember what it was but it was, you know, important. I’d stupidly double-booked, you know how forgetful I am sometimes.’

‘Oh. I was sure you were angry with me.’ She studied me. ‘It’s okay if you tell me you were angry at me.’

What was she talking about? Silchesters didn’t reveal such things.

‘Of course not. You were just looking out for me.’

‘Yes,’ she said relieved. ‘I was. But I didn’t know what to do for a very long time. I didn’t sign the paperwork for weeks, I thought if there was something wrong you could maybe come to me and talk about it. Even though I know Edith is so good at helping you with things that maybe you don’t want to tell your mummy.’ She smiled shyly and cleared her throat.

Awkward, awkward, horrible moment. I think she was waiting for me to disagree but I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t say anything. Where was my ability to lie when I needed it?

‘Eventually I talked it over with your father and I decided to sign it.’

‘He told you to sign it?’ I asked as gently as I could but felt the anger building inside me. What would he know about my life? He’d never asked me one question about myself, never shown the slightest bit of interest in—

‘No, actually,’ Mum broke in on my thoughts. ‘He said it was all a load of nonsense but that made me realise that I didn’t agree with him. I don’t think it’s all a load of nonsense. I think, what harm could it do? You know? If my life wanted to meet with me, I think I’d be rather excited,’ she smiled. ‘Something exciting like that happening, it must be wonderful.’

I was impressed by her acting against Father’s instructions and intrigued and surprised by her desire to meet with her life. I would have thought it would be the last thing she’d want to do. What would People say?

‘But mostly I was worried, that it was my fault too. I’m your mother and if there is something wrong with you well then—’

‘There’s nothing wrong with me, Mum.’

‘Of course there isn’t, I phrased it wrongly, I’m sorry. I meant—’

‘I know what you meant,’ I said quietly, ‘and it’s not your fault. If there was anything wrong with me, that is, it wouldn’t be your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘Thank you, Lucy.’ She looked a decade younger then and it had never occurred to me until that moment that she would be feeling guilty about the state of my life. I thought that was solely my job.

‘So,’ she perked up again. ‘Did you meet with her?’

‘It’s a him actually, and I met him last week.’

‘Him?’

‘I was surprised too.’

‘Is he handsome?’ Mum giggled.

‘Mum, that’s disgusting, he’s my life.’

‘Of course.’ She tried to hide her smile but I could see her secretly hoping for wedding bells. Any man would do as a son-in-law, or perhaps she was hoping for a match for Riley.