Кевин Кван - China Rich Girlfriend

*2 If your parents were divorced and remarried or you came from one of those families where Grandpa had taken multiple wives and sired multiple families, you were totally fucked.

*3 Cantonese for “Don’t put a curse of death,” meaning “Don’t sabotage the situation.”

*4 A female ghost with long, rat-nest-like hair that lives in a banana tree. From Indonesian and Malay mythology, pontianaks are said to be spirits of women who died while giving birth. A pontianak kills her victims by digging into their stomachs with her sharp dirty fingernails and devouring their organs. Yum.

*5 “Congratulations and wishing you prosperity,” the proper greeting in Cantonese. Naughtier children prefer to say “Happy New Year — I pull your ear!” or “ Gong hei fat choy — ang pow tae lai !” (Now gimme that ang pow! )

*6 Cantonese for “This irritates me to death!”

*7 Jun Takahashi, the creative force behind the cult fashion label Undercover. The prototype of Astrid’s dress was quite possibly the inspiration for his autumn — winter 2014 collection.

6MORTON STREET

NEW YORK

FEBRUARY 10, 2013 18:38 PM PST

Text messages to Nicholas Young’s private cell phone (the one his parents don’t have the number for)

ASTRID: Yr mum found out about the wedding. Happy New Year.

NICK: WTF! How did she find out?

ASTRID: Not sure who leaked. She confronted me @Ah Ma’s. Things got ugly.

NICK: Really?!?

ASTRID: Yes. She went nuts and made a scene when I wouldn’t give her any details.

NICK: So she doesn’t know when, where, etc.?

ASTRID: No, but I’m sure she’ll find out eventually. Get ready.

NICK: I’ll double down on security at the venue. Will hire ex-Mossad.

ASTRID: Make sure they are all from Tel Aviv. With good tans, lots of stubble, and great abs.

NICK: No, we need really sinister guards. Maybe I should call Putin and see whom he can recommend.

ASTRID: Miss u. Gotta run. Ling Cheh’s ringing the lunch gong.

NICK: Please wish Ling Cheh gong hei fat choy, and save me some tsai tao kueh.

ASTRID: I’ll save you all the crispy bits.

NICK: My favorite!

FEBRUARY 10, 2013 9:47 AM EST

Message left on Nicholas Young’s voice mail in New York

Nicky, ah? Are you there? Happy New Year. Are you celebrating in New York? I hope you are going to do something. If you cannot find yee sang in Chinatown, at least have a plate of noodles. We have been at Ah Ma’s all day. Everyone was there. All your cousins. Eric Tan’s new Indonesian wife is very pretty and has very white skin. I think she must bleach it. I heard they had a ridiculously lavish wedding like Colin and Araminta’s, but in Jakarta. Her side paid for most of it of course. I’m sure her side will pay for all of Eric’s money-losing films from now on. Nicky, please call me when you get this message. There’s something I need to discuss with you.

FEBRUARY 11, 2013 8:02 AM EST

Message left on Nicholas Young’s voice mail in New York

Nicky, are you there? Alamak , this is getting ridiculous. You cannot keep ignoring me like this. Please call me back. I have something very important to tell you. Something you will want to know, I promise. Please call me as soon as possible.

FEBRUARY 12, 2013 11:02 AM EST

Message left on Nicholas Young’s voice mail in New York

Nicky, is that you? Nicky? He’s not in…Dad here. Please call your mother. She needs to speak to you urgently. I want you to put aside your feelings and just call her. It’s Chinese New Year. Please be a good son and call home.

• • •

It was Rachel who heard the messages first. They had just arrived home from California, and after setting the luggage down, Nick had run out to grab some sandwiches at La Panineria while Rachel unpacked and checked the voice mails on the home line.

“They were out of mortadella so I got a prosciutto and fontina with fig mustard and a mozzarella, tomato, and pesto panini — I thought we could share both,” Nick announced upon returning to the apartment. Handing the paper sack to Rachel, he sensed that something was off. “You okay?”

“Um, you need to listen to the voice mails,” Rachel said, handing him the cordless phone. While Nick listened, Rachel went into the kitchen and began unwrapping the sandwiches. She noticed that her fingers were trembling, and she found herself unable to decide whether to leave the sandwiches on the wax paper or put them on plates. For a moment, she became angry with herself. She hadn’t thought that hearing Eleanor Young’s voice again after all this time would have this effect on her. What was it she was feeling? Anxiety? Dread? She wasn’t quite sure.

Entering the kitchen, Nick said, “You know, I think that’s the first time in my life my dad’s ever left me a voice mail. I’m always the one who calls him. My mum must be giving him hell.”

“Looks like the cat’s out of the bag.” Rachel forced a smile, trying to mask her nerves.

Nick grimaced. “Astrid sent a text warning me while we were at your uncle’s, but I didn’t want to mention anything while we were all celebrating New Year’s. Things were tense enough with all the talk about your father. I should have known this was coming.”

“What do you think you’ll do?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“You’re really going to ignore her calls?”

“Of course. I’m not going to play her game.”

Rachel felt relieved at first, but then a little conflicted about whether this was the right way for Nick to handle things. Ignoring his mother had gotten them into all that trouble the first time around. Was he making a big mistake again? “Are you sure you don’t want to at least speak to your father…maybe try to clear the air before the wedding?”

Nick thought about it for a moment. “You know, there’s really nothing to clear. My dad already gave us his blessing when I spoke to him last month. He’s happy for us, at least.”

“But what if the messages have nothing to do with our wedding?”

“Listen, if there was anything truly important my parents needed to tell me, they would have just told me on the voice mail. Or Astrid would have told me. This is just some new scheme my mother has cooked up in her last-ditch effort to prevent us from marrying. I gotta hand it to her — she’s like a rabid dog that just won’t let go of your leg,” Nick said, fuming.

Rachel walked into the living room and sank down onto the sofa. Here she was, a girl who had grown up never knowing her father. As much as she detested Eleanor Young, she couldn’t help but feel sad that Nick had become so estranged from his mother. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she hated that she was part of why it happened. She gathered her thoughts for a few minutes before finally speaking. “I wish things didn’t have to be this way. I never thought I’d ever put you in a position like this.”

“You didn’t put me in any position. This was my mother’s own doing. She only has herself to blame.”

“I just never imagined I’d be at a place where my future husband’s parents weren’t invited to our wedding, and most of his family won’t be there…”

Nick took a seat beside Rachel. “We talked about this already. It’s going to be fine. Astrid and Alistair will be there, and they are my closest cousins. You know I’ve always hated those traditional Chinese weddings where everyone and their cat is invited. We’re going to have an intimate ceremony surrounded by your family and our closest friends. Just you, me, and our chosen family. No one else matters.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m more than sure,” Nick said as he began to kiss the tender spot at the nape of her neck.