Mari Saat - The Saviour of Lasnamäe

When Natalya woke in the morning and looked in Sofia’s room, Sofia was curled up asleep in bed, hugging a globe. Natalya was surprised – Sofia had cuddly toys, a large black bear and a small, light brown cub, that she hadn’t cuddled for years, presumably from embarrassment that she was too big for them, but she would still arrange them at the head of her bed in the day and by the wall at night where they would watch over her from their station between the wall and her pillow. The bears would have been much nicer to hug; the globe, although smooth, was hard and had an angular handle… but she didn’t dare take it from Sofia’s arms. She’d wake up in her own good time, today was Sunday and she could sleep…

It was on her third visit to read to Rael’s grandma that Sofia found a stern-faced man with round eyes suddenly standing before her. Sofia hadn’t noticed how he had got into the flat or even the room, because she was tied up with an English article. The text was oddly worded and interesting at that. She didn’t understand all of it, of course, but as she read, a general picture formed naturally in her mind, and it was accompanied by photos that she’d have liked to look at and read the captions. She wasn’t able to because she had to read the article – and keep an occasional eye on Grandma as well, but now all of a sudden a black wall loomed between the two of them. He was a burly man, dressed in black, with black hair and strict-looking, bulging brown eyes that looked fixedly at her and said, “Ah, so you must be Sofia then?”

Sofia nodded because she’d lost the power of speech.

“And you’re the one working while Rael’s asleep?” he continued sternly.

“N-no,” stammered Sofia, although unjustifiable guilt brought her voice back, “Rael’s making tea in the kitchen…”

“Ah, Rael’s making tea in the kitchen, is she?” mocked the man. “Come and see how she’s getting on with it!”

He took Sofia by the hand and dragged her behind him into the kitchen. Rael was sprawled on the sofa, arms dangling, headphones on, eyes closed and a happy expression on her face.

The man removed her headphones and Rael sat up quick as a flash, snatched the headphones back and clasped the music player and the headphones tightly to her chest.

“Sofia said you’re making tea in the kitchen – making tea like this, are you?” the man asked, now scoffing.

“Yes,” grumbled Rael in an injured tone, “in principle I am, but it’s a bit early yet…”

“Ah, in principle you are, is that it? Well carry on with it then!” yelled the man, pointing at Rael under her nose. “Can you not get it into your skull that if you let someone else read while you make the tea, then you’ll carry on making the tea and be a kitchen girl all your life! You’ll throw away everything I’ve earned! Just you wait and see!”

“But I’m not just making tea,” whined Rael, “I’m listening to my music too! I have to keep in touch with the tracks! If I’m not up to the minute, what will I talk to other people about? Who’ll ever talk to me?”

“That music player!” shouted the man, and made a threatening movement that made Rael cower protectively over the player again. “Music players should all be smashed, destroyed; you’ll drive yourselves doolally with all that listening. The beat makes your brain soft. You’ll see, when you’re a deaf kitchen hand… or… or a tramp hunting through bins for food.”

He then turned abruptly to Sofia and asked, unexpectedly quietly but sternly, “Tell me, Sofia, what do you want to be?”

Sofia suddenly felt herself blush, her ears tingle and a throttling feeling somewhere deep in her throat…

“I…” she said, “I want to be an orthodontist!”

“A what?” the man asked, bemused.

“An orthodontist,” Sofia repeated, now confident, and explained that an orthodontist was someone who corrected people’s teeth and jawbones, and that it was very important because a narrow bite could put so much pressure on the jaw joints that they stiffen, leaving the person unable to open their mouth any more, or only able to open their mouth slightly so that they’ll have to eat only soup through a straw and put thin slices of things in their mouths, and it wasn’t an easy thing at all to become a good orthodontist, you had to be good at 3-D visualisation, 3-D visualisation was really important; you had to have very good spatial awareness… She explained it all quickly and enthusiastically – everything that her lovely doctor-orthodontist had explained to her while working on Sofia’s mouth, and Sofia felt that being an orthodontist really was her dream in life.

“Spatial awareness…” the man repeated thoughtfully, “do you have good enough spatial awareness?”

“I don’t know…” said Sofia, now somewhat perplexed, coming back down to earth.

She noticed that Grandma had also come to the kitchen door and was listening and eyeing her sharply, and Sofia again felt the throbbing and clenching in her chest overwhelming her because she sensed that Grandma knew she was lying… But at the same time she also felt defiant – after all why shouldn’t she want to be an orthodontist? In the end it was up to her to decide, wasn’t it?

“Wasn’t he just furious!” said Rael the next day at school.

“Was that your dad?” asked Sofia.

“Well, who else could it be… Him and his property! He’s always in a tizz about his property. As if I’ll need it. I’m going straight to America to be a model. At first he said only that he won’t be paying for anything any more, but then I said that I wouldn’t be able to pay you any more – that we were splitting the cash fifty-fifty, and that your mum’s out of work and you’re even eating leaves and moss… Just as well that you’re like a beanpole – he wouldn’t have believed me otherwise…”

“We’re not eating leaves and moss,” said Sofia, “just pieces of dry bread…”

“Well, not much difference, the main thing is that it worked! I told him that it wasn’t easy for me either, that I can’t manage with a grand, and that he sometimes sponsors people so why can’t I… Then he asked what your mum’s job was… I told him she worked in electronics – that’s right isn’t it? But what did she do?”

“I don’t know, something to do with soldering the boards, soldering circuits on to boards that made the electronic equipment work…”

“I can tell Dad… Anyhow, he didn’t say anything else – that means that we can carry on where we left off. He wants you to make the tea and me to do the reading though, but there’s no sense to that at all.”

At the next reading session, Grandma interrupted Sofia to say, “You read well. No mistakes, and clearly. You don’t stumble over words and you don’t gabble… My son wants Rael to read to me but I said to him, I said, so Grandma has to put up with a learner reader, does she? Why does he have to punish Grandma with someone who has to sound out every word? The thing is, he’s worried about what an old person like me might do, he’s worried I might develop some affection for a stranger and leave my wealth to her… Ha! What wealth do I have – this flat here’s all I’ve got… But my son is making sure that this tiny bit of wealth doesn’t fall into the stranger’s hands… He doesn’t realise that not everyone needs wealth – people like you don’t need wealth…”

The paper had sunk on to Sofia’s lap. She didn’t fully understand – was Grandma talking to herself or expecting her to reply? Or should she read on? But Grandma was looking knowingly at her, as if asking a question.

“I don’t know,” said Sofia, “I definitely need money!”

“Look here,” said Grandma triumphantly, “you can tell the difference between money and wealth, but you don’t even realise you can. Everyone in this world needs money – this world of ours, it’s under the rule of the devil, it’s dog eat dog! And everyone here uses money as a yardstick; money is the measure of your worth… But the worth of people like you isn’t measured in money, money flows through the fingers of people like you, it doesn’t stick to you, it doesn’t pile up under your feet, it doesn’t afflict you… but wealth, wealth does afflict people and once it’s started, it never fully lets up. It afflicts them when even a tiny drop threatens to drip through their fingers…”