Matt Cowper - The Clerk

“Let’s start at the beginning,” Dan said, shifting in his seat to get into a better storytelling posture. “As you know, I’ve constantly been trying to contact Emily, but until today she’d only sent me two text messages back. Today, however, she responded. She knew I was here — I told her I was coming, and left a voicemail as soon as I got here — and wanted to meet with me. Well, of course I agreed.”

“Without telling us,” Frank complained.

“Again, I fail to see why you can’t let a husband and wife work out their own problems.”

“Because she’s our daughter,” Frank said. “Something’s happened to her, and she needs our support.”

“Yes, something happened to her — a penis attached to a man named Brett Hickman.”

“Dan!” Jean wailed.

“Yes, you’re right, I need to keep it PG-13 so no one gets offended,” Dan said brutally. He took a large gulp of his beer and resumed his story. “So me and Emily met here, and it was really strange, Thomas. I thought we’d start yelling as soon as we saw each other, but we didn’t. We smiled. Then we laughed. Can you believe it?”

“I can’t,” Frank said, much like a man centuries ago refusing to believe the earth was round.

“That’s not surprising,” Dan said sarcastically, taking another gulp. “Anyway, after we had a good laugh, we sat down and just talked. About everything. It was, maybe, the best conversation we’ve ever had. Emily actually listened. She sat there and listened. Amazing, isn’t it? Thomas, Jean and Frank may have blinders on, but you know how your sister is, don’t you?”

“Yes,” Thomas said, “I do.”

“She seemed so happy, and I was so happy,” Dan continued. “We seemed to know instinctively that we’d never get back together. And that was fine. I asked her about divorce, and she said she didn’t want to battle in court forever. She just wanted her car and a few things in our home that are, I admit, really hers. Brett has enough money, she said. She doesn’t need more.”

“What about Dennis?” Thomas asked.

“Joint custody. Apparently they’ll remain in Raleigh, which should make things easy for all of us — after they get back from their ‘honeymoon’ in Barbados, of course.”

“And that’s it?”

“Yup. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, as my mother used to say.”

“I don’t get it,” Thomas said. It was anti-climactic, as if two heavyweight boxers had decided to go pluck some pretty flowers instead of pummeling each other. “It seems too easy…”

“I don’t get it either, son,” Frank said.

“It’s not that complicated,” Dan replied. “We understand where we’re at in our lives. To be blunt, I’m glad to have Emily out of my life. She’s domineering, hypocritical, and—”

“Dan, please,” Jean whispered.

“Come on, Jean, don’t be so goddamn protective of your precious daughter’s reputation. You all want me to tell the truth, but every time I say something, I get cut off. I mean, why is Emily getting a free pass? Is it just because she isn’t here? You can’t browbeat her, so you browbeat me?”

“I will ask you not to talk to my wife that way,” Frank warned.

“Or what?”

“OK, OK, enough,” Thomas said, waving his hands, and very much surprised to find himself mediating this dispute. “Dan, please continue. Mom, Dad, you’re forgetting that I haven’t heard all this. I’d like to find out what happened without you both interrupting all the time.”

“Well, since I’m not needed or wanted,” Frank said injuredly, “I guess I will leave.”

Frank Copeland walked to the door regally, opened it with a correct turn of the knob, stepped out into the hallway, and closed the door behind him with the softest click possible. His wife watched him go, uncertain if she should follow. At length she sighed and clasped her hands across her lap, in a gesture that plainly said “I’ll be quiet.”

“Dan?” Thomas prompted.

“Yes, well, as I was saying, I’m glad Emily’s gone. I don’t really know why I married her. I mean, yes, she was the hottest girl on campus, but personality-wise — maybe I’m like most men and just wanted a trophy wife.”

Jean’s lips quivered, but she said nothing.

“And Emily — this Brett has something I don’t. I’m just a normal guy, Thomas. I work a lot, I come home, I fall asleep on the couch, I get up and do it again. I’m the most stable guy in Raleigh, but Emily doesn’t want stability. She wants fun, excitement, maybe even a little danger. I guess she’ll get all that with Brett.”

“I don’t know, Dan,” Thomas mused. “Emily has always been pretty conventional. I mean, she yells a lot about feminism and all that, and she can do drastic things sometimes, but she’s not really rebellious.”

“I thought so too, but think about what you just said,” Dan said, pausing to let Thomas do just that. “Looking back on her actions — say, for example, when she drove all the way to Asheville by herself because I’d forgotten our anniversary — well, all those things were cracks in the foundation. And she said something today that stuck with me: ‘Brett’s the only guy I’ve been with who can completely dominate my life while at the same time making me feel free.’ That’s what she wanted: someone to take charge, to lead instead of follow.”

“Sounds like the old ‘I need a real man’ line,” Thomas scoffed.

“Yes, it does,” Dan agreed, “but that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Clichés become clichés because they really do occur over and over.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And now that’s really it, Thomas,” Dan said, once again tossing his empty beer bottle and once again missing the trash can. This time, however, Jean didn’t move to pick it up. “A happy ending, for two people, at least. Your parents don’t agree. You haven’t shared what you think.”

“Well, I mean, as long as you’re both happy,” Thomas said, shrugging. “You don’t need my approval, do you?”

“No, I guess not,” Dan said, grinning. “But thank you for not getting on your high horse like your father.”

“No problem.”

“When she first left, I — well, I acted like the typical enraged husband,” Dan said, speaking more to himself than Thomas. “You saw it. But as the days progressed, I wondered if I was acting genuine or just, well, acting . I still wish she hadn’t just run off — and she said she’ll make amends for that, though I doubt it’s high on her to-do list — but hey, if that’s the price of my freedom and hers, so be it.”

“That’s that, then,” Thomas said.

“Yes, that’s that.”

“But I do have one more question…”

“Ah. So that’s not really that, is it?”

“Guess not,” Thomas replied, smiling thinly. “Why did she come here? Back home?”

“Well, this is where it all began — with her and Brett, I mean,” Dan replied. “They wanted to return to the old haunts, act like they were kids again. And she said something about smoking pot down desolate dirt roads… anyway, I guess they sufficiently indulged their nostalgia.”

Dan swung his feet off the bed and stood up, yawning and stretching, then reached down and placed the tossed beer bottle in the trash. It rattled loudly against its compatriots.

Thomas waited for Dan to continue. He expected his brother-in-law to say something like, “And there was another reason she came home: she wanted to apologize to you and tell you she understood you.” This, however, would seemingly remain between Thomas and his sister — or either Dan wasn’t going to tell him he knew, for whatever reason.

“Well,” Thomas sighed. “A toast to happy endings?”