Даниэла Стил - Turning Point

She was looking troubled when the head of the trauma unit stopped to talk to her a few days later, and congratulated her on the trip to Paris. He had recommended her for the exchange. “You’re lucky you’ve got a husband who’ll pick up the slack for you with the kids while you’re away,” he said confidently, and Stephanie looked pained but didn’t comment. “He’s a good guy,” he added.

“Yes, he is,” Stephanie agreed softly, “but I feel guilty anyway. A month is a long time to be away from my kids.”

“It’ll fly by, you’ll be so busy. And you’ll come back with a wealth of information we can use here, especially with multiple casualty incidents, mass prophylaxis planning, and disaster preparedness. The French have been hit hard in the last five years and have probably learned a lot from it.” San Francisco hadn’t had any mass terrorist incidents, although other cities in the United States had, and no place was exempt anymore. Terrorism was a factor in everyone’s life now, mostly from crazies in the States and political dissidents in Europe, but the end result was the same. Thousands of people injured and hundreds of people dead. All government agencies wanted to find ways to avoid the tragedies that were happening on campuses and in cities. It was man’s cruelty to man at its worst. “I’m proud of you for going,” the head of the unit said, tapping her on the shoulder. She realized after he left that this was not just about her and a trip to Paris. It was about what she would learn there and bring home to use for her patients’ benefit, and to teach the other doctors. She was an ambassador on an important mission, and on her way home that night, she made the decision. She was going to Paris, whether Andy understood it or not.

She told him after dinner, when the boys were in bed, and he nodded, and made no comment. He went upstairs shortly after, took a shower, and went to bed, and he barely spoke to her for weeks afterward. She felt like a child abuser every time he looked at her, but she had made the decision and dug her heels in. On an intellectual level, and career-wise, she knew it was right. And five years from now, the boys wouldn’t even remember that she’d gone. It wasn’t going to scar them forever. They were four and six and they would miss her, but they’d forget about it as soon as she came home. It was Andy who would remember for longer.

When she told the boys a few days before she left, she promised to call them every day. Ryan cried for a few minutes when she explained it to them, and Aden looked sad for an instant and then said okay and went back to playing with his Legos. He was making a fort with his father. Andy hardly looked at her now that she’d decided to go to Paris. He never referred to it, or asked her when she was leaving. It had killed all but the most basic communication between them, exclusively about plans that involved their children. The romance or lust between them had been dead for months so nothing changed there. Her sister Nicole told her it was shocking, her mother didn’t comment and stayed out of it, but had told Nicole it was a mistake. And Andy’s mother told him how sorry she was that his wife was so selfish and gave so little thought to him and their boys. Stephanie knew she was definitely not a hero for leaving home, no matter how great the honor. And she hoped she wasn’t making a huge error that would strain their marriage past breaking point, but she was going anyway. She would do her best to fix it when she got home.

—

Wendy told Jeff about the trip to Paris on their first Wednesday night together after she’d been asked. She waited until after dinner, which she’d prepared for him, and set on a candlelit table with a white linen tablecloth. She always went all out on their nights together, and bought a good bottle of wine since he was off call on Wednesday nights. She broached the subject carefully, not sure what he would say, and wondering if he would object to her being gone for so long. She expected him to be somewhat upset.

His eyes lit up the moment she told him about the exchange program organized by the DEM and endorsed by the mayor’s office, and he smiled broadly at Wendy and touched her hand.

“That’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you! What a wonderful opportunity. And Paris…you’re going to have so much fun!” He assumed immediately that she was going and didn’t pick up on the uncertainty in her voice and eyes.

“I wasn’t sure…I thought that maybe you’d be bothered by it. I was thinking that maybe I could go for part of it, like a week or two, and not stay the whole time.” It was a compromise she had thought of that week, but hadn’t asked if they’d agree.

“Why would you do that? If the program they’re planning is for an entire month, you should stay for the whole time. And why rush back to San Francisco when you can be in Paris?” He looked excited for her, and not upset at all.

“I don’t like leaving you for a whole month,” she said cautiously, but didn’t explain why. That she didn’t want to leave him alone with his wife for that long, without their Wednesday nights.

“I’ll be gone for half of it anyway,” he said matter-of-factly, and Wendy looked surprised. It was the first she had heard of it, as he smiled at her, looking relaxed. “The kids have their winter break then. Jane and I are taking them to Aspen. It’s everyone’s favorite vacation. They’re all good skiers.” Stephanie knew he was too. But she wasn’t thinking about their skiing. She was bowled over that he was taking them on vacation, again, with his wife. They still went on vacation with their kids several times a year. He had even taken her to a medical conference the year before. Jeff said it was because it was in Miami and she had never been. But it didn’t sit well with Wendy, and she knew that Aspen was a glamorous ski resort, and they would have a great time. She didn’t like the sound of it at all. “When do you leave?” Jeff asked her more precisely.

“In slightly less than two weeks,” she said. She had waited two days to tell him, until their Wednesday night tryst.

“That’s perfect. We go to Aspen a week after that, we’ll be there for two weeks, and you’ll come home a week after we do. Perfect timing. We’ll both be so busy we won’t have time to miss each other while you’re gone.” Maybe he wouldn’t, but Wendy missed him every day she didn’t see him, and the thought that he’d be on a holiday with his wife made her feel sick.

“So you don’t mind?” She wanted him to tell her he’d miss her while she was away, but he hadn’t. He looked happy for her, and congratulated her with the last of the wine. “I can’t wait to hear about it when you get back.” He was at ease and pleased for her, and not worried in the least.

“I’ll text you from there,” she promised and he looked hesitant.

“Make sure you do it during office hours, and don’t get confused with the time difference. You can’t text me in Aspen, Jane will be around all the time.” She wanted to cry as she listened to him. She felt infinitely inconsequential in his life. She was a pastime, a diversion, even though one of long standing. She was the Wednesday night spice in his life, and whether he admitted it to her or not, she could sense that his wife was still the main meal. She never wanted to admit it to herself, but now and then it hit her in the face, and it just had. It didn’t bother Jeff at all that he wasn’t going to see Wendy for a month, and rather than find a way to talk to her while she was gone, he didn’t want her sending texts while he was on vacation with his wife and kids. It was a brutal reminder that Wendy had no role in his life.

Her fears were even greater now that he would detach from her, and get closer to his wife while Wendy was in France. It was an unhealthy relationship for her and always had been. It destroyed her sense of self-worth and she knew it. She didn’t even want to go to Paris now, but she knew that she’d look like a loser to him and her boss if she didn’t go. Her heart was in her socks as he talked to her about Paris, and suggested several restaurants where she should go. All she wanted now was to stay home with him, but he wouldn’t be there anyway, and she would have been miserable if she’d been in San Francisco while he was on a two-week vacation with Jane and their kids in Aspen.