Patrick McCabe - The Butcher Boy

I kept at Joe to come tracking in the mountains. We'll pray to the Manitou like we used to – it'll be a good laugh I said. Oh come on Francie – for god's sake! Joe said.

The Manitou, I said – yamma yamma yamma death to all dogs who enter here! For fuck's sake Joe!

He laughed when I said that and then he said OK it was the best day yet you'd think Nugents or the school for pigs or Tiddly and all that had never happened. We spun stones across the lake and when I looked at Joe doing that I nearly wanted to cry the feeling I got was so good. Everything was so clear and glittering and polished I said to myself: Those days in the lane. We didn't imagine them. They were just like this.

I was thinking that with my eyes closed when I heard Buttsy's voice. He was standing in front of me with his thumbs hooked in his belt.

Devlin was chewing a match and carrying a fishing rod. Well well. If it isn't our lucky day, says Buttsy. Devlin was rubbing away at the hands like he'd won the sweep. Buttsy looked at Joe.

I want no trouble with you, Purcell, he says. Its him we want, says Devlin. You're going to be sorry now. You're going to be sorry for what you done, Brady.

Who's going to make me sorry I says. Buttsy got all pale when I said that.

Joe says: Don't Francie. Don't start any trouble.

We'll make you sorry, says Devlin and took a swing at me. When I was ducking I twisted my ankle on a rock.

Then Buttsy drew a kick at me and knocked me to the ground.

Devlin says Come on! and got stuck in with his big farmer's boots. Next thing Buttsy has the hunting knife out it was trembling away in his hand. You've had it now, Brady, said Devlin, we'll gut you like a pig.

What you done on my sister, Buttsy says. Her nerves have never been the same since.

He was as white as a sheet and I could see the sweat gleaming on his forehead. Do you hear me! he says. She had to go to the doctor after what you done! Roche has her on three different kinds of tablets – three different kinds of tablets!

Devlin kicked me on the bad ankle. You fucking cunt, he says. When he said that I started to to cry.

Ha! says Buttsy, and he got all excited then…

Look at him now, says Devlin.

That's more like it, says Buttsy.

You see, Devlin, I told you, says Buttsy, slipping the knife back into his pocket, coming back to himself, he can dish it out but he can't take it. I said: I know what I done was wrong Buttsy. I know! I was trying to catch Joe's eye to give him the signal but he couldn't see me he was all on edge.

Women, says Devlin, that's all he's able for, women, he can give it to the women all right but when it comes to you and me its a different story, eh Buttsy?

Then they started whispering between themselves, what they were going to do with me.

I'll do anything I said. You should have thought of that before you broke into people's houses says Devlin and hit me another dig.

For fuck's sake, would you look at him! Look at him now! There's your buddy now Purcell. There's your buddy from the Terrace!

Buttsy took out a fag and lit it.

Then he goes over to Joe and says to him: What are you doing hanging about with him? What does your old man say?

Then Joe said it: I'm not hanging around with him. I used to hang around with him!

All I could see was the lit fag going up to Buttsy's mouth and his head nodding as he said something else to Joe. He was blowing out the smoke and tapping the ash then he ran his arm across his forehead and that gave me my chance bumph! he didn't know what hit him. I don't know how many times I clocked him with the rock if Devlin and Joe hadn't managed to get me off I'd have finished him off it wouldn't have cost me a thought he made Joe say it Joe wouldn't have said it only he goaded him into it. I tried to get another kick at him but they pulled me back no no! Francie! Devlin says Francie its gone far enough he was scared shitless I was going to start into him but I didn't give a fuck about Devlin I wanted to talk to Joe. I threw the rock over the ditch Joe I says what do you mean why did you say that?

The way Joe looked at me then I couldn't think at first who it reminded me of then I knew, it was Doctor Roche, looking right through you. Joe, please, I said but he wouldn't let me talk. I could feel my knees going and I had to drag the words up out of my stomach, please Joe!

But he still wouldn't listen he was backing away with his palms pressing a glass wall, No Francie, not this time, not after this!

Any time I tried to say anything he just put up his hand: No!, he said. I shouted after him Joe – come back, please! I'll do anything. Anything you want! But all I could see was him climbing the railway gate and when I looked again he was gone. Devlin looked at me with the lip trembling: Please Francie!

I was going to but then I said what's the use what's the fucking use I just left him there please Francie and Buttsy crawling along the ground uh! uh! help me yeah sure.

I went round to the carnival you'd think the swingboats were going to take off into the sky altogether. I never heard so many screeches, girls holding on to their boyfriends Save me! and all this. There was Jim Reeves and big pink teddybears and dodgems sparking but I didn't want to see any of that I went over to the shooting gallery to see the goldfish. I don't know how many there was in the tank. Fifty maybe. Every time they swerved there was a little flash of silver. I watched them for a good while just swimming away there. I could see these girls over by the dodgems they were just sitting there swinging their legs and giggling behind their hands. They'd look over at me and nudge each other then they'd start giggling again. There was a small blondie one and they were trying to push her over to say something to me. The older one says go on and blows this pink gumbubble the blondie one says no I won't!

They kept at this for a good while then in the end what did they do didn't the three of them come over. They stood there linking each other and you say it no you say it I didn't know where to look I was as red as a beetroot, I didn't know what they were doing or what to say to them. They knew my face was going red and I knew they were laughing at that too. Look at him, he's going all red. What's he going all red for? I thought that's what they were thinking but I think now maybe they weren't thinking it at all. All they wanted to talk about was Joe.

They said: You're a friend of Joe Purcell's aren't you? Do you want to know something? She likes him!

They pushed the blondie one again and she fell against me. I tried to say watch or are you OK or something but I started stuttering but it didn't matter they were away off again chuckling and giggling about Joe.

The house was littered with bottles when I got home. Da was asleep on the sofa with the trumpet beside him and there was some old lad with a cap sitting in a chair. We had a great chat tonight about the old days, all the old Tower bar crowd he says tell your father not to be worrying his head what Roche says the Bradys are tough men, hard men. It takes more than a pain in the chest to annoy them. Am I right Francie? he says. I said he was. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, him and Roche I wanted to hear no more about Roche. Then he fell asleep with his head hanging on his chest like a cloth doll. I wanted to sleep now too. I knew that in a couple of days everything would be all right again. We'd have some laughs then me and Joe. I couldn't wait to see him taking off Buttsy. Uh! Uh! Help me!

There sure is some laughs in this town Joe I'd say. Then we'd stick our faces into the water and tell the fish what they could do with themselves. I didn't think I'd sleep with all the things that had been going on. But I did. I slept like a top. I went curving through my dreams yamma yamma yamma right over the rooftops of the town and when I got back to the lake Joe was hunched there smiling and he looks at me and says: So what if we had an argument? We're still blood brothers ain't we?