Don DeLillo: End Zone

(1) Nuclearpowered COMRUS submarines enter the Gulf of Mexico. An AMAC carrier of the Sixth Fleet is badly damaged by enemy aircraft in the Mediterranean.

(2) Seven COMRUS trawlers are sunk off the coast of Oregon. Missiles fired by Vulcan surfacetoair batteries destroy two MIG21 fighter planes near Mannheim.

(3) COMRUS troops invade Western Europe. The atomic test site at Amchitka in the Aleutians is believed wiped out.

(4) SAC bombers assume maximum attack posture. The President leaves the White House situation room and boards Air Force One.

(5) COMRUS explodes a onemegaton nuclear device high in the air over territory west of Brussels, causing virtually no damage to property.

(6) SAC bombers attack a limited number of COMRUS military targets, using lowyield kiloton bombs to reduce collateral damage.

(7) Partial evacuation of major COMRUS cities. ICBMs hit strategic targets throughout Europe. COMRUS mediumrange bombers attack AMAC air bases in England. Longrange missiles hit Grand Forks AFB in North Dakota.

(8) AMAC ICBMs, B52s and B58s strike at air bases, dams, bridges, railroads and missile sites deep inside COMRUS territory. The Tallinn missile defense system is hit and partially destroyed. The antimissile complexes on the western outskirts of Moscow are badly damaged. AMAC orders almost total evacuation of major cities.

(9) COMRUS orders almost total evacuation of major cities. Three Polaris submarines in the North Atlantic are destroyed. Radar installations in Alaska and Greenland are wiped out. Titan installations surrounding Tucson in Arizona are hit by COMRUS SS9 missiles with warheads totaling nearly 100 megatons. Tucson is rendered uninhabitable by fallout.

(10) The citybusting begins. Selected population centers within COMRUS borders are hit by Minuteman 3 ICBMs carrying MIRV warheads. Polaris submarines in the North Sea and the Baltic fire missiles at selected sites. SAC bombers raid selected cities from Murmansk to Vladivostok.

(11) Washington, D.C., is hit with a 25megaton device. New York and Los Angeles are hit with SS11 missiles.

(12) SIMcap dictates spasm response.

The telephone rang. Major Staley turned quickly in his chair, terrified for a long second, and then simply stared at the commonplace black instrument as it continued to ring.

Myna returned from christmas vacation many pounds lighter. When I saw her, I didn't know how to react. She was having coffee with the Chalk sisters in the student lounge and I stood in the doorway a moment, trying to prepare a suitable remark or two. She was wearing a white cotton blouse; her hair was combed straight back and ribboned at the nape of the neck. Vera Chalk saw me and waved me over, gesturing urgently, her face expressing news of colossal wonders. The sisters put their hands on me as soon as I sat down, scratching at my arms and chest in their glee at finding an object toward which to direct their effusions.

"Look at her, Gary."

"I'm looking. Hi. I'm virtually speechless."

"Hi," Myna said.

"It's just the beginning," Esther said. "She's got twenty more pounds to go. She's lost twenty and she's got twenty to go. In other words she's halfway there."

"Just look at her," Vera said. "She's like a new person. She looks unbelievable. I'm so happy for her. I can't believe how much better she looks. Gary, what do you think?"

"I think it's unbelievable."

"I'm ecstatic on her behalf. I really am."

"Don't use that word," Esther said.

"Ecstatic."

"You know how much I hate that word, you spiteful bitch."

"Ecstatic."

"Now quit it, Vera."

"You're not supposed to call me that. Gary, she knows how much I loathe and despise my name."

"Vera."

"Ecstatic. More ecstatic. Most ecstatic."

"Vera beera. One little lira for a glass of Vera beera."

"Ecstasy of ecstasies."

"Enough," I said.

"I'll stop if she will," Esther said. "Besides we're supposed to be discussing Myna. Gary, don't you think it's unbelievable?"

"It's unbelievable. It really is."

"Are you just saying that? Or do you really think it?"

"I'm just saying it. I don't know what to think. It's too early yet. I need time to reflect."

"Don't be such a picayune shit," Vera said.

"I had to do it, Gary. It became a question of selfdefinition. I was just moping along like an unreal person. I used to look forward to nothingtype things. I never really faced my own reality. I was satisfied just consuming everything that came along. But after only twenty pounds, things are already starting to be different. I'm beginning to catch my own reflection everywhere I go. I'm being forced to face myself as a person instead of somebody who just mopes along consuming everything that's put in front of her. Gary, I've spent too much time on nothingtype things. I used to think three meals ahead. I used to be satisfied figuring out which dress I was going to wear with whichever dumb shoes. I used to work these things out in my head for hours. It really made me happy working out my combinations. These shoes, that dress, this bracelet. The sweater with the purple star and the dumb blue boots. The sculptured brass peace symbol strung on rawhide and the turquoise dishrag tunic with drawstring neck and full sleeves. These things were my doggy treats. I did a good trick and I got a doggy treat.

The whole process took me further away from myself and made my life a whole big thing of consumption, consuming, consume. Purplestar sweaters, antique pendants, beaded chokers, organic nuts, horoscopes, sciencefiction movies, fourdollar transparent soap, big English cars, Mexican villas, ecology, pink rolling paper, brownies, seaweed with my pork chops, soy noodles, dacron, rayon, orlon acrylic, Fortrel polyester, Lycra spandex, leather, vinyl, suede, velvet, velours, canvas. I shoveled it all in and all I did was bury my own reality and independentness. The whole business of going to Mexico to do nothing but smoke dope was all part of the fatness thing. Gary, I know you liked me fat but at least with the responsibilities of beauty I'll have a chance to learn exactly or pretty exactly what I can be, with no builtin excuses or copouts or anything. I'm not just here to comfort you. You can't expect to just come searching for me for comfort. I want other thing now. I'm ready to find out whether I really exist or whether I'm something that's just been put together as a market for junk mail."

"It's all very existential."

"Don't use words," Esther said. "Either you h'ke her this way or you don't. You can't get out of it with words."

"I have to get used to the new situation. I need time to get accustomed."

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Myna said.

"That's all."

"Are you sure it's not that you're definitely against it? Because if you are, it would be better if you said so now."

"I have to get used to it. Time. That's all. I need time."

"You're really sure, Gary?"

"Myna, we've known each other for a number of months. We've been very close to each other. We've shared some unforgettable moments. Would I lie to you?"

"No, I don't think you would, Gary. Not in a pinch."

"Define pinch."

"He's being picayune again," Esther said. "If he can't see what's staring him in the face, he needs more than time. I think he's being real dippy about this."

"So do I," Vera said.

"He's being ridiculous beyond belief."

"For once I have to agree with you. It's nice to think alike for a change. In fact the situation makes me ecstatic."

"Oh you bitch. You damn rotten bitch."

"Ecstatico."

"And you're the one who's into the gospels. Who's into charity and love thy neighbor. Who comes around yapping to me about the power of miracles."

"Without belief in miracles, we are like reeds shaken with the wind," Vera said.