Sarah Waters - The Night Watch

'I'll have to find a kiosk,' he said. 'Did you see one, when we came?'

The thought of him leaving her was terrifying. 'Don't go!'

'Is it still coming?' He looked between her legs, and swore. He put his hand on her shoulder. 'Listen,' he said, 'I'm going to go down to the old mother downstairs. She'll know where a phone is.'

'What will you tell her?'

'I'll just say I need a telephone.'

'Say-' Viv clutched at him. 'Say I'm losing a baby, Reggie.'

He checked himself. 'Shall I? She'll want to come up if I do. She'll want to bring a doctor.'

'Maybe we should get a doctor, shouldn't we? Mr Imrie said-'

'A doctor? Christ, Viv, I hadn't bargained on anything like that.' He took his hand from her and put it to his head, to grip at his hair. She could tell from his expression that he was thinking of the money, or the fuss. She began to cry again. 'Don't cry!' he said, when he saw that; and he looked, for a moment, as if he might begin to cry himself. He said, 'A doctor will be able to tell, won't he? Won't a doctor look, and know?'

'I don't care,' she said.

'He could bring in the police, Viv. He'll want our names. He'll want to know everything about us.' His voice was strained. He stood, undecided-trying to think of another way. Then a new surge of pain rose up in her, and she gasped, and clutched at her stomach. 'All right,' he said quickly. 'All right.'

He turned and went. The flat door banged, and after that she heard nothing. Her brow and her upper lip were wet with sweat; she wiped them on her sleeve. She pulled the plug of the lavatory again, then swivelled about and reached into the basin to wash her hands-taking off the gold-coloured ring, because it was so loose. The basin looked as though it had had scarlet paint put down it: she got more sheets of lavatory paper and tried to clean it-tried to clean the seat on which she was sitting, and the rim of the bowl beneath. Then she saw a little blood on the carpet: she leaned to it, and grew dizzy; the floor of the bathroom seemed to tilt. She grabbed for the wall; left a smear of pink on one of the mother-of-pearl tiles; eased herself up and sat very still, her head in her hands. If she sat still, the blood ran less freely… She longed to lie down; she remembered Mr Imrie telling her to stay in bed. But she wouldn't get up, for fear of making a mess of the milk-coloured carpet. She closed her eyes and began to count, beneath her breath. One, two, three, four . She ran through the numbers, over and over. One two three four . One two three four -

I'm going to die, she thought. She wanted her father, suddenly. If only her dad were here! But then she imagined him walking in and seeing all the blood… She started to cry again. She sat up and leaned her head against the wall-weeping, but weeping so feebly her sobs were like little snorts of pain.

She was still sitting crying like this when Reggie came back. He had the old lady with him. She was wearing a nightdress and a dressing-gown, but had slipped a coat on top and had put on a hat and rubber galoshes. It was probably the outfit she kept ready for when the Warning went. She was breathing hard, from climbing all the stairs, and had no teeth in. She had got out a hankie to wipe her face. When she saw the state of Viv, however, she let the hankie fall. She came straight to her, and felt her forehead, then pulled apart her thighs to peer at the mess between them.

Then she turned back to Reggie. 'Good heavens, boy!' she said-speaking sloppily, because of her missing teeth. 'What was you thinking of, calling a doctor? A bloody ambulance is what she needs!'

'An ambulance?' said Reggie, in horror. 'Are you sure?' He was hanging back, now that she was here.

'You heard me,' said the woman. 'Look at the colour of her! She's lost half the blood in her body. A doctor ain't going to be able to put that back in, is he?' She felt Viv's forehead again. 'Good lord… Go on! What you waiting for? You'll get one now, if you call before the sirens start up. Tell them to be quick. Tell them it's a matter of life and death!'

Reggie turned and ran.

'Now,' said the woman, shrugging off her coat. 'Do you think you ought to be sitting there, dear, letting it all come tumbling out of you like that?' She put her hand on Viv's shoulder. The hand was trembling. 'Don't you think you ought to lie down?'

Viv shook her head. 'I want to stay here.'

'All right, then. But let's just lift you up a bit and- That's it, you got the idea.'

The bathroom had a single towel in it-milk-coloured, like the carpet. Viv hadn't liked to use it. But the woman had plucked it from the rail at once and folded it up; she made Viv stand, and she lowered the lid of the lavatory and put the towel on it. 'You sit on that, my dear,' she said, helping Viv back down. 'That's right. And let's take these old drawers off you, too, shall we?' She stooped, and fumbled about Viv's knees; lifted up her feet… 'That's better. Not nice, is it, having your old man see you with your drawers around your ankles? I should say it ain't. There we are: when I was your age we hardly bothered with drawers at all. We had our skirts, do you see, to keep us decent. Long great skirts like you'd never believe… There. Never mind. Soon have you sorted out and looking like a queen again. Why, what handsome hair you've got, haven't you-?'

She went chatting sloppily on, lots of nonsense; she let Viv lean against her, and smoothed and patted her head with hard, blunt fingers. But Viv could tell, too, that she was frightened.

'Still coming, is it?' she'd say, from time to time, looking into the towel between Viv's legs. 'Well, young 'uns like you, you've got it to spare. That's what they say, don't they?'

Viv had closed her eyes. She was aware of the old lady's murmurs, but had begun to hold herself rigid: she was concentrating on the blood that was escaping from her-trying to slow it, to keep hold of it, to will it back into herself. Her fear rose and sank, in great dark plunging waves. For what felt like minutes at a time the blood seemed to still, and she would grow almost calm; but there would come another little gush between her legs, that sent her back into a panic-she'd be made frightened too, then, by the very galloping of her own heart, that was making the blood, she knew, run even faster…

Then she heard Reggie come back.

'Did you send for 'em?' called the old lady.

'Yes,' said Reggie, breathlessly. 'Yes, they're coming.'

He stood in the bathroom doorway, as pale as ash: biting his fingernails, too awed by the old lady to come in. If only he'd come and hold my hand , Viv thought. If only he'd put his arm around me … But all he did was meet her gaze and make a helpless sort of gesture: spread his hands, shook his head. 'I'm sorry,' he mouthed. 'I'm sorry.' And then he moved away. She heard him light up a cigarette. There was the rattle of curtain-hooks, and she knew he must be standing at the bedroom window, looking out.

Then the blood seeped again, and the pain inside her shut tight, like a fist around a blade; she closed her eyes and was plunged back into panic. The pain and the panic were utterly black, and timeless: it was like going under the gas at Mr Imrie's again, slipping out of the world while the world scuttled forwards… She felt the old lady's hard hands on her shoulders and in the small of her back, rubbing and rubbing, in little circles. She heard Reggie call out, 'Here it is!' But she couldn't imagine, at that moment, what he meant. She thought it must be something to do with the fact that he had drawn back the curtain from the window… When, after another minute or two, she opened her eyes and saw the ambulance people, in their trousers and jackets and tin hats, she supposed them an ARP man and a boy, come to complain about the black-out.