Sidney Sheldon: Tell me your dreams

"Hello, Ashley. I'm Dr. Montfort, and I need to ask you some questions. How do you feel about yourself?"

"I feel wonderful, Doctor. It's as though I've just gotten over a long illness."

"Do you think you're a bad person?"

"No. I know some bad things have happened, but I don't believe I'm responsible for them."

"Do you hate anyone?"

"No."

"What about your father? Do you hate him?"

"I did. I don't hate him anymore. I don't think he could help what he did. I just hope he's all right now."

"Would you like to see him again?"

"I think it would be better if I didn't. He has his life. I want to start a new life for myself."

"Ashley?"

"Yes."

"I'm Dr. Vaughn. I'd like to have a little chat with you."

"All right."

"Do you remember Toni and Alette?"

"Of course. But they're gone."

"How do you feel about them?"

"In the beginning, I was terrified, but now I know I needed them. I'm grateful to them."

"Do you sleep well at night?"

"Now I do, yes."

"Tell Me Your Dreams."

"I used to have terrible dreams; something was always chasing me. I thought I was going to be murdered."

"Do you still have those dreams?"

"Not anymore. My dreams are very peaceful. I see bright colors and smiling people. Last night, I dreamed I was at a ski resort, flying down the slopes. It was wonderful. I don't mind cold weather at all anymore."

"How do you feel about your father?"

"I want him to be happy, and I want to be happy."

"Ashley?"

"Yes."

"I'm Dr. Hoelterhoff."

"How do you do, Doctor?"

"They didn't tell me how beautiful you were. Do you think you're beautiful?"

"I think I'm attractive...."

"I hear that you have a lovely voice. Do you think you do?"

"It's not a trained voice, but, yes"—she laughed— "I do manage to sing on key."

"And they tell me you paint. Are you good?"

"For an amateur, I think I'm quite good. Yes."

He was studying her thoughtfully. "Do you have any problems that you would like to discuss with me?"

"I can't think of any. I'm treated very well here."

"How do you feel about leaving here and getting out into the world?"

"I've thought a lot about it. It's scary, but at the same time it's exciting."

"Do you think you would be afraid out there?"

"No. I want to build a new life. I'm good with computers. I can't go back to the company I worked for, but I'm sure I can get a job at another company."

Dr. Hoelterhoff nodded. "Thank you, Ashley. It was a pleasure talking to you."

Dr. Montfort, Dr. Vaughn, Dr. Hoelterhoff and Dr. Keller were gathered in Otto Lewison's office. He was studying their reports. When he finished, he looked up at Dr. Keller and smiled.

"Congratulations," he said. "These reports are all positive. You've done a wonderful job."

"She's a wonderful woman. Very special, Otto. I'm glad she's going to have her life back again."

"Has she agreed to outpatient treatment when she leaves here?"

"Absolutely."

Otto Lewison nodded. "Very well. I'll have the release papers drawn up." He turned to the other doctors. "Thank you, gentlemen. I appreciate your help."

Two days later, she was called into Dr. Lewison's office. Dr. Keller was there. Ashley was to be discharged and would return to her home in Cupertino, where regular therapy and evaluation sessions had been arranged with a court approved psychiatrist.

Dr. Lewison said, "Well, today's the day. Are you excited?"

Ashley said, "I'm excited. I'm frightened. I'm—I don't know. I feel like a bird that's just been set free. I feel like I'm flying." Her face was glowing.

"I'm glad you're leaving, but I'm—I'm going to miss you," Dr. Keller said.

Ashley took his hand and said warmly, "I'm going to miss you, too. I don't know how I... how I can ever thank you." Her eyes filled with tears. "You've given me my life back."

She turned to Dr. Lewison. "When I'm back in California, I'll get a job at one of the computer plants there. I'll let you know how it works out and how I get on with the outpatient therapy. I want to make sure that what happened before never happens to me again."

"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Dr. Lewison assured her.

When she left. Dr. Lewison turned to Gilbert Keller. "This makes up for a lot of the ones that didn't succeed, doesn't it, Gilbert?"

It was a sunny June day, and as she walked down Madison Avenue in New York City, her radiant smile made people turn back to look at her. She had never been so happy. She thought of the wonderful life ahead of her, and all that she was going to do. There could have been a terrible ending for her, she thought, but this was the happy ending she had prayed for.

She walked into Pennsylvania Station. It was the busiest train station in America, a charmless maze of airless rooms and passages. The station was crowded with people. And each person has an interesting story to tell, she thought. They're all going to different places, living their own lives, and now. I'm going to live my own life.

She purchased a ticket from one of the machines. Her train was just pulling in. Serendipity, she thought.

She boarded the train and took a seat. She was filled with excitement at what was about to happen. The train gave a jerk and then started picking up speed. I'm on my way at last. And as the train headed toward the Hamptons, she began to sing softly:

"All around the mulberry bush,

The monkey chased the weasel.

The monkey thought 'twas oil in fun,

Pop! goes the weasel...."

DURING the past twenty years, there have been dozens of criminal trials involving defendants claiming to have multiple personalities. The charges covered a wide range of activities, including murder, kidnapping, rape and arson.

Multiple personality disorder (MPD), also known as dissociative identity disorder (DID), is a controversial topic among psychiatrists. Some psychiatrists believe that it does not exist. On the other hand, for years many doctors, hospitals and social services organizations have been treating patients who suffer from MPD. Some studies estimate that between 5 and 15 percent of psychiatric patients are afflicted with it.

Current statistics from the Department of Justice indicate that approximately one third of juvenile victims of sexual abuse are children under six years of age, and

that one out of three girls is sexually abused before the age of eighteen.

Most reported cases of incest involve a father and daughter.

A research project in three countries suggests that MPD affects percent of the general population.

Dissociative disorders are often misdiagnosed, and studies have shown that, on average, people with MPD have spent seven years seeking treatment, prior to an accurate diagnosis.

Two thirds of the cases of multiple personality disorder are treatable.