Robert Rankin - Web Site Story

'That's absurd,' said Kathryn. 'Are you telling me that chess-playing computers are alive?'

'No, but they think for themselves. But only about chess. That's all they know.'

'Science fiction,' said Kathryn.

'Science Fiction is only future Science Fact.'

'So all these games you've designed. They think too, do they?'

'They're highly competitive,' said Big Bob. 'But only within given parameters. Up until now, that is. But after midnight it will all be different. After midnight all the other systems, the non-game-playing systems, that now have Mute-chips installed in them by bogus Millennium Bug debuggers, they will all link up across the World Wide Web and create a single thinking entity. A computer network capable of making decisions on a worldwide scale. And I have let it happen. Remington Mute and I caused it to happen.'

'Say I believed this,' said Kathryn. 'It doesn't explain anything. You're saying that this Mute-chip is a thinking chip. Are you saying that computers are sentient? What is inside the Mute-chip? What lets it think?'

'Human DNA,' said Big Bob. 'Remington Mute's DNA. The man is a genius beyond human genius. He broke the human genome code back in the 1970s. And then he digitized his DNA, into a chip. From this one original chip he electronically cloned millions of others.'

'That is impossible, surely?'

'Think about it. It's not.'

Kathryn thought about it. 'You're right,' she said. 'It's not.'

'And now it's about to move beyond computer games,' said Big Bob. 'Into everything, all across.the Web. Across every network. There'll be Mute-chips in everything. We could never have got them into all those government systems and business networks without the Millennium Bug scare.'

'Is this all really true?' Kathryn stared into the face of Cowan Phillips.

The head of Cowan Phillips nodded up and down.

'It is true,' said Kathryn. 'And it's bad, isn't it?'

'It's very bad,' said Big Bob. 'Mute thinks that he will be in control. Because the chips are cloned from his DNA. Because they are a part of him. But I don't think that will happen. And even if it did, it's bad, very bad.'

'What do you think will happen?'

'It's a pretty standard science-fiction scenario,' said Big Bob. 'It's HAL out of 2007.'

'Then we have to stop it. We have to tell someone.'

'No we don't,' said Cowan Phillips.

'You're confusing me,' said Kathryn. 'I'm all over the place with this. You tell me all this stuff. And half the time you're talking like some Old Testament prophet of doom with your thees and thous, and now I agree that it has to be stopped and you say no we don't stop it.'

'That's because I'm having a really hard time getting through,' said Cowan Phillips. 'There appears to be some kind of voice in my head that's been working my mouth. But I think I've got the measure of it now.'

'No thou hast not,' said Big Bob. 'Run woman. Out of the office. Tell someone, anyone, everyone, now.'

'You're scaring me,' said Kathryn, backing towards the door.

'Stay awhile,' said Cowan Phillips. 'Let's have a drink. I've a bottle in my desk.'

'Run,' shouted Big Bob. 'Run, I can't stop him.'

'Stop him?' said Kathryn. 'Stop who? What's going on?'

'It's all right,' said Cowan Phillips, rising slowly from his desk. 'Everything's all right. No-one's going to get hurt. Everything will be all right. It's for the best.'

'No!' said Kathryn, turning towards the door. 'I don't like any of this. I'm out of here.'

But the hands of Cowan Phillips were now about her throat. And her head struck the door with a sickening thud, then the hands drew her back and smashed her forwards once more. Back and forwards, back and forwards.

Like the motions of a swingboat.

Until she was quite dead.

'Aaaaaaarrrrrrrghhhhhh!' Big Bob bounced upon his head and burst back into the present day. He landed, with the thud which is known as bone-shuddering, onto the nasty plasticized square on the ersatz turf of the bogus Butt's Estate.

'you were rubbish,' said the great and terrible voice. 'you had three whole hours and you lost the game in less than three minutes.'

'No,' cried Big Bob, all rolled up in a ball. 'Not fair. I didn't do that to the woman. It was Cowan Phillips.'

‘he had to keep the secret. you should have used his memories and found another way to warn the world. you lost big time. that's the second of your three lives gone.'

Big Bob clutched at his aching head. 'You cheat. All the time you cheat. Thou low and loathsome honourless cur.'

'you're A very bad loser,' said the voice and its mocking tone raised Bob to newfound heights of fury.

He leapt up to his feet and shook his fists at the sky. 'I'll do for you,' he shouted. 'You will know my wrath.'

'go on then,' the voice mocked on. 'do your worst. you cannot fight what you cannot see. you are ours to do with as we wish.'

Big Bob sat down on the square and rested his big broad forehead on his knees. He was back in the superman suit, but he felt far from super.

'time for level three,' said the large and terrible voice.

Big Bob rammed his fingers deeply into his ears.

'up and at it,' the voice continued, large and loud as ever.

'Say that again,' said Bob, withdrawing his fingers from his ears.

'you heard me the first time,' Said the Voice.

'Yes,' said Bob nodding. 'I did.'

'then off your bum and on with the game.'

A smile appeared on the face of Big Bob. 'No,' said he. 'I won't.'

'then you will be downloaded into nothingness.'

Big Bob now grinned hugely. 'No,' said he. 'I thinkest not.'

'ten… nine… eight…'

'Forget it,' said Big Bob. 'I'm not frightened at all.'

'you saw what happened to periwig tombs and the lady with the unpronounceable name.'

'Did I?' said Bob. 'I thinkest not, once again.’

‘they vanished away in front of your eyes.’

‘Oh no they didn't,' said Big Bob.

'oh yes they did.'

'Oh no they didn't.'

did.

'Didn't.'

'did.'

'No,' and Big Bob shook his head and then he tapped at his temple. 'It's all here. All in my head. Thou messest with my mind. You told me so yourself. "We're inside your head," you said. And now I know what you are. You're computer-game systems brought to life by this Mute-chip thing. Somehow you got inside me. Now how didst thou do that, I wonder?'

Big Bob scratched at his great big brow. 'I'm not too good on technical stuff,' he said. 'But thou knowest that, for thou art in my head. How so? askest I. How didst thou get into my head?'

'player three you forfeit the game. you're out.'

'you're out?' said Big Bob. 'Yes that's it.'

'he knows,' said the large voice number two. 'he's worked it out.'

'Worked it out,' said Big Bob. 'You've worked your way out.'

'he can't know,' said large voice number one.

'he's just a dim-witted tour bus guide with a cretinous line in cod bible-speak.'

'he had access to the memories of cowan phillips. he's putting two and two together.'

'I know,' said Big Bob, beating his right fist into his big left palm. 'And I could never have reasoned it out if you hadn't let me into Cowan Phillips's head. You have infected me. Like a virus. Indeed yes, a computer virus. The Mute-chip is digitized human DNA. It's inside the computer systems and now it's out. It worked its way out. Thou art very quiet inside my head. Hast thou nothing to say?'

'prepare yourself to be downloaded,' said the large and terrible voice. Although to Big Bob it didn't seem so large and terrible any more. Loud, though. Very loud. And very very angry.

'So I caught you,' said Big Bob. 'I caught the virus, this thing that is affecting my mind. That is letting you manipulate my thoughts. Play your games with me. But, and verily, askest I, how did I catch you? I have no computer. Oh yes. I know.'