Christine Feehan - Dark Secret

"I'm not submissive, it isn't in my character. How can we possibly be compatible? Is it possible there's a mistake?"

"There cannot be a mistake. You restored colors to him, and, through him, to me. I have not seen colors in hundreds of years. You gave him his emotions and, through him, you gave them to me. I could feel what he felt for you, the tremendous love in his heart and his need to protect and watch over you. I want to feel those emotions for myself."

"How can I possibly be his"-she hesitated and then testedt he word-"lifemate, when I was born human?"

"I only know that women who are psychic can be successfully converted to Carpathian and these women can also be lifemates to the males. I have not yet met Riordan's lifemate, but he tells me she is a descendant of the jaguar race."

Colby smiled. "My brother says I can be catty, but I doubt if I have any jaguar in me. I couldn't jump very high when I was playing sports in high school."

"We had school of sorts." Nicolas folded his arms across his chest. "We had to learn to shape-shift first. It was not nearly as easy as we thought it would be."

"That might be kind of cool," Colby admitted. "I like the idea of flying. I used to wish I could fly. Believe me, when you've been on a horse for eight hours, it gets old."

"I remember the first time Rafael attempted to turn into a wolf. It was the very first thing he tried and he was not successful. Part of him was covered in fur and part of him had legs where there should not be legs. We were all there, of course. We all ran together, the De La Cruz brothers and the Malinov brothers. We were all howling and falling on the ground, rolling around like idiots, but then when Ruslan, the eldest of the Malinovs, began laughing and pointing, my oldest brother, Zacarias, went after Ruslan for making fun of Rafael. We ended up in a huge brawl. Mind you, the entire time, Rafael was still caught between man and beast."

Colby couldn't help but laugh as Nicolas related the story to her. He provided very vivid pictures of the incident for her. Rafael looked so young and uncertain, not at all like the dominant man she was tied to. "What about you? What was the first thing you tried to shape-shift into?"

There was a small silence. The mask slipped back over Nicolas's face. He shrugged his shoulders carelessly, but she didn't think it was a careless gesture. "I do not remember."

"You recalled Rafael's first time so vividly." Even to the colors of the trees, the individual leaves, the smells and sounds. She'd heard the hum of insects in his mind.

He stood up. "It was Rafael's memory, not mine. You gave him back those things and he shares with me."

Colby studied his mouth. There was a cruel edge to it, a remoteness in his eyes. "You're very close to turning into one of those monsters, aren't you?" she asked. Her heart ached for him. Ached for Rafael.

"Yes. Without the memories my brother shares with me, I would lose this battle."

"And yet you came to his aid even though you knew if you battled the vampire you would go a step closer. And you took the vampire blood from Paul, when it could have pushed you over the edge. Why did you do that, Nicolas? I wasn't even nice to you."

"You are familia. You are a Carpathian lifemate and must be protected by all Carpathians. And I love my brother. I may not feel it anymore, but I know it is there, buried deep, and I will not allow anything to happen to you."

"I will never forget the risk you took on our behalf, Nicolas, and if it becomes too difficult and you need to see colors and feel emotions, I don't mind so much the sharing of our minds."

There was a small silence. "It is no small thing you offer, sister kin," he said softly. "Carpathian men do not share with others, not even kin. My brothers and I are unusual because we had no choice but to bind together to overcome the call of the beast. I know you fear Rafael's hold on you and you have yet to commit your life to his. Why do you offer this to me?"

It was complicated. She didn't know if it was watching him push the poisonous blood through his pores after taking it from Paul, or watching him give his brother blood, but she was very conflicted. She certainly wasn't going to make a commitment to a life of living underground and sucking blood from living human beings-the very idea made her shudder-but she couldn't leave him so starkly alone any more than she could stop herself from thinking of Rafael.

"You stayed here talking to me because you knew I would never make it through the night without him, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"That's your answer. Nicolas. Maybe I feel the need to protect you for him, just the way you feel it for me."

They were silent a moment. Then he spoke again. "I have a vampire to catch."

"How can you find him?"

"Now that I know who he is, he will be easier to track. I know his ways. It has been hundreds of years, but he had certain patterns, all of us do, and he will keep to some of his."

"Rafael wants you to wait." She had sensed Rafael's concern and it hadn't just been because he was afraid Nicolas would make another kill and be that much closer to succumbing to the insidious whisper for power.

"I cannot take a chance that he will strike against you. He will he locked in the ground during the daylight hours, longer than I will be, but he can use his human puppets to try to kill you."

"You mean Paul."

"I am guessing he has more than one. This vampire is ancient and cunning. He is a skilled fighter and knows all the tricks. A master vampire has no pride to guard, unlike a fledgling or even a slightly experienced vampire. He is willing to run away, to sacrifice pawns so that he might live, and he is called master because he reigns supreme in battle and the magic of our kind."

"Why would he want to live such a terrible existence?"

"The pain and terror he derives from the suffering of others, from killing, gives him a rush. A high. Like a human drug. It is addicting. He lives for that one moment."

"How do you kill a vampire?" She was trying to stall him. It was getting close to dawn. Surprisingly she wasn't tired. She had plenty of time, before the sun became too high, to do the morning chores.

"You don't." His voice was very stern.

"Your women never fight the vampire?"

"In any species there are always exceptions, but our women hold the light to our darkness. They will fight to defend their lives and the lives of our people, but they do not hunt. We have too few women and our hunters are solitary. If we divide our attention to keep a woman safe, it is an additional risk to ourselves."

"I could feel Rafael's resolve. He was willing to die to keep me alive, to keep Paul alive. He knew if he fought the vampire he might be defeated."

"Kirja is a very powerful fighter. He had a reputation for hunting. He has grown in strength since that time. His blood was different and I would very much like to know why. Something is not right here, Colby."

"I still want to know how to kill one. I'd feel better if I knew it could be done."

"Not with a rifle. Juan and Julio could have slowed it down by shooting it in the heart, but it would not kill it. The heart has to be completely removed and incinerated or it will find its way back to its evil host. The body is then incinerated so there is no hope of regeneration. The blood of a vampire burns like acid, Colby, and they can command with their voices just as Rafael and I can. Leave them alone."

"Did Rafael use his voice to seduce me?" She looked him straight in the eyes, needing an honest answer.

"I do not know what Rafael chose to do to bind you to him, but if I had a lifemate, Colby, I would use my voice, my gaze, and everything else at my disposal to make her mine. I would not take any chances. My woman will do as she is supposed to do."