Andrew Davidson - The Gargoyle

We had so many friends that finding lodgings was easy, just a few streets outside the Jewish area. I insisted on paying the deposit with money from my business and, this done, we finally decided to allow ourselves a proper celebration. Not that the two of you were fully convinced that his escape was a success, but you were willing to acknowledge that it seemed to be a success. It was a great feast, and you were so happy because you finally felt as though you’d repaid your debt to him.

I was healthy and beginning to outgrow my clothes, the pregnancy seemingly well on schedule. There was even a point during the meal that the baby kicked and you insisted that Brandeis place his hand on my belly. He was hesitant but when I assured him that it would please me if he did, he tentatively pressed his palm there. When he felt the movement, he jerked back his hand and looked at me in wide-eyed amazement.

“This is because of you,” you said to Brandeis. “This life is because you saved mine.”

With that, we lifted our cups to the fact that we had all escaped our previous lives into better ones.

But one should never divide the bear skin before the bear is killed. The very next day, while Brandeis was gathering the last of his possessions from our place, one of the Beguines came running to our door. I knew this couldn’t be a good sign, as I’d never seen one run before. She placed her hands on her knees and panted for a few moments before she was able to gasp out that a small group of men-“savages, by the looks of them”-had been asking around the marketplace for a man matching Brandeis’ description.

Apparently, Mainz was not as big as I’d thought. Despite all the care we’d put into keeping our visitor hidden, even the Beguines knew that he had been staying with us. To their credit, they recognized that giving out this information to strangers was inadvisable, but it was only a matter of time before someone spoke without considering the consequences. Brandeis asked a few questions about the “savages,” and the Beguine’s answers took away all doubt. These men were definitely trackers dispatched from the condotta. To this day, I have no idea how they managed to find him, but how doesn’t really matter. The only thing that mattered was that Mainz was no longer safe.

Brandeis offered to flee alone, leaving a trail so obvious the trackers couldn’t help but be drawn away from us. “They’re only looking for me. You have a good life here, so don’t-”

You wouldn’t even allow him to finish his sentence. Your honor wouldn’t have it. You said that the trackers would find our place no matter what we did, and that when-not if, but when-they did, there was a good chance one of them would recognize you. What a coup that would be for them, dispatched to find one deserter but able to bring back two. It would earn great favor with Kuonrat, and the message would be clear: even a soldier who’d managed to escape for years and was presumed dead would eventually be hunted down.

You and Brandeis both argued that I should not come-because I was too far along in my pregnancy, because I would slow you down, because travel would endanger the child. I countered that the greatest danger of all was for me to remain in Mainz, where the trackers would find me and do whatever was necessary to extract information. Ultimately, I said, it didn’t matter what arguments were made. I would not be left behind, and if you wouldn’t take me, I’d follow anyway. Yes, I was pregnant, but I was still able to travel and I owed as much of my good fortune to Brandeis as you did. Finally, if you and I lost each other, where could we meet again? Our life in Mainz had been found out and we could not return. I argued that it was in fact because I was pregnant that I had to stay with you, rather than chance a permanent separation.

I took away all your options and I had the advantage that there was no time for arguments. So we gathered a few things, only the most valuable, and prepared to leave as soon as possible.

I packed the Inferno and Paolo’s prayer book, and when you weren’t looking I slipped the Morgengabe angel into my bag. You wouldn’t have allowed such dead weight, but it was too dear to me to leave behind. I also packed my nun’s habit, as I’d already learned that it could make a useful disguise. We took all the money we’d put away for the house that we’d never actually bought, and you and Brandeis went to buy three horses. I sold off my spices and books to whoever would buy them, although on such short notice I got almost nothing. Within a few hours of the Beguine’s arrival, we were heading out of Mainz. I had my bag, while the two of you took only your crossbows and the clothing on your backs. The life we’d spent years building was gone, just like that.

I wasn’t a skilled rider at the best of times and my pregnancy didn’t help. Even as we rode out of town, you didn’t stop trying to persuade me to head in a different direction. Three sets of horse tracks going in the same direction were easier to follow than two sets going in opposite directions, you argued. I refused to hear it and countered that the best thing we could do was put as much distance behind us as possible.

We rode until the horses were too exhausted to continue. My back ached, pain coursed my spine with every clop of the hooves, and there was agony in my lower stomach. But I refused to complain, because I was with you.

We found a small inn and I was sent to deal with the innkeep, because the less the two of you were seen, the better. Before we went to sleep that first night, I asked where we were headed. Brandeis answered, “It’s better not to have a destination. If we know where we’re going, the trackers will know too.” I didn’t understand how this could be true, but I was too tired to argue.

Over the next days, we would ride for as long as I could manage and then take a room, none of us venturing out except when I went in search of food. It did not take long before the traveling started exacting a toll on me. My breasts were aching and my leg cramps were growing worse, and the muscles at my ribs felt stretched and torn. I knew I was slowing us down, it was apparent to all of us, and this gave fuel to our constant arguments. You pointed out that my frequent stops to urinate not only slowed us, but made the trail easier to follow. You even threatened to leave me behind but, of course, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

In towns we cut through back alleys and in the wilderness we forced the horses through icy streams and over rocky outcrops. They hated it, but no more than I did. The horses could not keep up the pace we needed, too much running and not enough rest. When they wore out, we traded them for new ones. The trackers would be forced to do the same or be left behind.

Despite constantly looking over my shoulder, I never saw the trackers. I wanted to believe we’d lost them. Honestly, I couldn’t see how they could possibly remain on our trail, with all the tricks that we were employing while riding. But then again, they’d found Brandeis in Mainz. I had no real idea of their capabilities but the two of you had lived with these sorts of men, so I had to trust your fear. You kept pushing us forward at a relentless pace.

Each day increased my worry about what the riding might be doing to our child-could it cause an unnatural birth? I had to keep convincing myself, hour after hour, that escaping the trackers was worth any risk. In the rare moments when I was not worrying about the baby, I strengthened my resolve by remembering how, when we first left Engelthal, you bought us a spot on a pig wagon. I tried to convince myself that our current situation was just one more test in our lives to be overcome, and at least there wasn’t the smell of pigs.