Steve Toltz - A Fraction of the Whole

Or about how if you listen closely, you discover that people aren’t really ever for something but instead are just opposed to its opposite.

Or about how when you’re a child, to stop you from following the crowd you’re assaulted with the line “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?” but when you’re an adult and to be different is suddenly a crime, people seem to be saying, “Hey. Everyone else is jumping off a bridge. Why aren’t you?”

Or about how when women who’ve had extensive plastic surgery die, God greets them with puzzlement, saying, “I’ve never seen that woman before in my life.”

Or should I finish on a positive note and say that even if you find yourself with no loved ones left to bury, it’s good to be optimistic and carry a shovel with you, just in case?

No, none of that seems right. I’ve run out of time anyway. My plane’s boarding in ten minutes. This paragraph will have to be the end of it. Sorry, whoever you are. Hey- that’s a question: who might actually read this if Stanley actually publishes it? Anyone? Surely there’s got to be one measly person out of six billion who has a couple of days to spare. One bored soul out of the shocking number of humans cluttering up this little blue-green ball of ours. You know, I read somewhere that by the year 2050 there will be another couple of billion. What a conceited outburst of humanity! I tell you, you don’t have to be a misanthrope to be chilled at the idea of that many people bumping into each other on the street, but it helps.

Steve Toltz resides in Sydney, Australia. This is his first novel.