Tatsuhiko Takimoto - Welcome to the NHK!

Ah, just a little longer. I’ll fly soon.

I would jump into the Sea of Japan, as though I were doing a running long jump. I’d jump out…

I’m jumping…

I jumped.

I jumped!

Both my legs left the ground. My body was floating in the air, and after a few moments, my body would fall soon.

I would fall and smash into the Sea of Japan.

The ending was very near—just like in the erotic game that Yamazaki made, I would use my special attack on the N.H.K. To protect the heroine, I would rush forward into the final battle. I had wished for that game scenario, and I was going to die exactly the way I had wanted. It was the greatest happy ending.

Soon, I will be saved….

Then, it happened. Suddenly, something came to mind that concerned me. The ending of that game—no matter how I tried, I couldn’t remember it. Did the hero of the game defeat the evil organization? In fact, was there even an ending at all?

Someone said, “There’s no way to win.”

It might have been a dream. I already might have lost consciousness some time ago. As I danced through nothingness, the pitch-black Sea of Japan and a bright, starry sky stretched out before my eyes.

And then, I saw them. They were mocking me.

My body would start falling soon. I would die. That had to happen.

But they said, “Remember.”

On this bluff, where there had been too many incidents, construction to prevent them had already been completed. The Revolutionary Bomb disappeared without going off.

I screamed, “Is that how you do it?! You cowards!”

No answer came back to me.

It became spring.

Of course, I was holed up in my room.

Why?! Why am I holed up?! Get hold of yourself! Do some honest work! I tried taking out my anger on myself in this way; of course, it’s never so easy to escape from being a hikikomori.

I still suffered from the neuroses that attacked me, the desire to kill myself that would boil silently to the surface, and all the other sorts of problems I faced (my rent being raised or my favorite convenience store closing). On top of all that, I had my security guard job tomorrow. It was a complete pain in the ass.

I was depressingly worried.

Regardless, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom outside my window. New college students walked past the front of my apartment. I felt as though I had been abandoned by the whole world, as though I were being mocked by the entire human race.

For example, Yamazaki had sent me a postcard recently. A photograph printed on the card showed Yamazaki, smiling widely, with a beautiful girl. He’d written, “Oh, I think I might be just about ready to get married. My parents have been bothering me for a while to get set up with someone. (In the countryside, we get married early.) And because I didn’t really have a choice, I had a meeting arranged just once, and look! She’s perfect!”

It seemed to have become an age in which even an erotic-game-loving lolicon could be blessed with happiness.

Die. Go to hell.

Next was the New Year’s card sent by the female upperclassman: “Our house is a huge mansion. We’re in love. I’m about to have a baby.”

She really seemed happy.

Go to hell.

And on top of all that, Misaki’s life, too, now was moving in a truly upward direction. When she had returned to her uncle’s house, naturally, she had been severely scolded. She seemed to have sunk into a reflection about the incident that was deeper than the ocean. Eventually, at some point, she came to talk to me about it. “How do you think I could apologize properly?”

“Shouldn’t it be enough for you just to live a healthy life?”

“I’ve caused more trouble than I can even completely understand, so that just won’t cut it, okay? I need something to, you know, wholeheartedly demonstrate my gratitude and apologies.”

“You uncle is a rather wealthy man, isn’t he? If so, then what about studying and going to college? Thinking back, didn’t you pass your college entrance exams?”

I just gave her some appropriate advice without thinking about it too deeply. Then, several months after that, my advice had become part of her reality. She was planning to begin college starting this spring. Of course, the school was obviously one that even I could have attended based on exam percentile, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise, but…

Either way, that girl would be a college student while I remained a freeter and a hikikomori.

Ah, I can’t take it. Go to hell, all of you!

They say that curses come home to roost. So, I forced my feelings back down and tried wishing for everyone’s happiness, “Even if you fall into hell, keep trying, all of you.”

I, too, planned on trying, little by little.

The reason for that was on a scrap of paper I had here.

It was a contract, made from a page ripped out of the secret notebook. To fulfill the contract, I had no choice but to try.

That night…

I had jumped, and then I’d landed abruptly. I had landed on top of the wire netting set up around the cliff to prevent accidents. The frame had been buried into the rocky cliff itself, making a hook shape. As expected for a sightseeing spot, they had gone out of their way to mount the fence in such a way that the beautiful view was left unspoiled. And as expected for a sightseeing spot, there was absolutely no fault to be found with the safety measures.

I wanted to cry.

I cried.

I wanted to die, but I couldn’t die. If I could step out with only one foot, then this time, I could fly for sure. It was impossible. I couldn’t do it. Both of my legs were shaking violently, and the sound of my heart beating was ridiculously loud. I felt terrible, I was nauseated, and I didn’t want to be there anymore.

I was crying out for someone to do something. I was crying that I wanted to die. Kill me right now, I thought. I wished for someone to push me.

I didn’t want to go home and shut myself up in my apartment, and I didn’t want to see Misaki’s face. I didn’t want to think about anything confusing, and I didn’t want to experience any more pain. I just wanted to die right then.

I scratched my head, curled up my body, and then I bent backward. It was humorous and pathetic. I looked like an idiot. Each time the wind blew, I dropped to all fours and clung to the fence. I was frightened. I was scared of falling. I got chills just from looking downward.

Below the netting was the Sea of Japan. The waves were rough. Help me! No, don’t help me. Don’t laugh at me. What should I do? Don’t screw around with me! Don’t look! Don’t look over here! Why are you crying? I’m the one who wants to cry.

Misaki stuck her face out over the edge of the cliff and looked down at me.

I covered my face with both hands. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want any more disgrace in my life.

Stretching herself out over the cliff edge, Misaki held out her hand. She was trying to save me. The look on her face said that she pitied me. Swiping away her outstretched hand, I put my leg on the rock wall and climbed up the cliff by myself. I slipped on frozen sections several times, landing on my ass in the netting each time. On my third try, 1 succeeded at climbing about seven feet up the cliff.

I collapsed on the edge. Misaki stood in front of me.

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me toward the highway as hard as she could. She was trying to get me away from the edge as quickly as possible, and I ended up dragged along the top of the snow.

When we arrived in front of the bench, where we had been sitting a few minutes earlier, she started hitting me. She hit me over and over. In the end, I also suffered a shoulder tackle. I rolled onto my back, and Misaki leaned over me. She buried her face in my chest, letting out sobs that weren’t even words.