Jodie Picoult - Nineteen Minutes

“So what else is new?” Peter shot back.

Jordan opened his mouth to yell at Peter again, but couldn’t. The truth of the statement struck him, as he remembered Selena’s interview earlier this week with Derek Markowitz. Peter’s buddies deserted him, or betrayed him, or spilled his secrets for a circulation of millions.

If he really wanted to do his job right, he couldn’t just be an attorney to Peter. He had to be his confidant, and to date, all he’d done was string the kid along, just like everyone else in his life.

Jordan sat down next to Peter. “Look,” he said quietly. “You can’t do anything like this again. If anyone contacts you at all, for any reason, you need to tell me. And in return, I’ll come to see you more often than I have been. Okay?”

Peter shrugged his agreement. For a long moment they both sat beside each other, silent, unsure of what came next.

“So now what?” Peter asked. “Do I have to talk about Joey again? Or prep for that psychiatric interview?”

Jordan hesitated. The only reason he’d come to see Peter was to tear into him for talking to a reporter; if not for that, he wouldn’t have come to the jail at all. And he supposed he could ask Peter to recount his childhood or his school history or his feelings about being bullied, but somehow, that didn’t seem right either. “Actually, I need some advice,” he said. “My wife got me this computer game last Christmas, Agents of Stealth? The thing is, I can’t make it past the first level without getting wiped out.”

Peter glanced at him sideways. “Well, are you registering as a Droid or a Regal?”

Who the hell knew? He hadn’t taken the CD out of its box. “A Droid.”

“That’s your first mistake. See, you can’t enlist in the Pyrhphorus Legion-you need to get appointed to serve. The way to do that is by starting off in the Educationary instead of the Mines. Understand?”

Jordan glanced down at the article, still spread on the table. His case had just grown immeasurably more difficult, but maybe that was offset by the fact that his relationship with his client had gotten easier. “Yeah,” Jordan said. “I’m starting to.”

“You’re not going to like this,” Eleanor said, handing a document to Alex.

“Why not?”

“It’s a motion to recuse yourself from the Houghton case. The prosecution strongly requests a hearing.”

A hearing meant that press would be present, the victims would be present, the families would be present. It meant that Alex would be under public scrutiny before this case could go any further. “Well, she’s not getting one,” Alex said dismissively.

The clerk hesitated. “I’d think twice about that.”

Alex met her eyes. “You can leave now.”

She waited for Eleanor to close the door behind herself, and then she closed her eyes. She didn’t know what to do. It was true that she’d been more rattled during the arraignment than she’d anticipated. It was true, too, that the distance between herself and Josie could be measured by the very parameters of her role as judge. Yet because Alex had steadfastly assumed that she was infallible-because she’d been so sure that she could be a fair justice on this case-she’d gotten herself into a catch-22. It was one thing to recuse yourself before the proceedings started. But if she backed out now, it would make her seem flighty (at best) or inept (at worst). Neither one of those was an adjective she wanted associated with her judicial career.

If she didn’t give Diana Leven the hearing she was requesting, it would look like Alex was hiding. Better to let them voice their positions and be a big girl. Alex pushed a button on her phone. “Eleanor,” she said, “schedule it.”

She speared her fingers through her hair and then smoothed it down again. What she needed was a cigarette. She rummaged in her desk drawers but turned up only an empty pack of Merits. “Shoot,” she muttered, and then remembered her emergency pack, hidden in the trunk of her car. Grabbing her keys, Alex stood up and left chambers, hurrying down the back staircase to the parking lot.

She threw open the fire door and heard the sickening crunch as it hit flesh. “Oh my gosh,” she cried, reaching for the man who’d doubled over in pain. “Are you all right?”

Patrick Ducharme straightened, wincing. “Your Honor,” he said. “I’ve got to stop running into you. Literally.”

She frowned. “You shouldn’t have been standing next to a fire door.”

“You shouldn’t have been flinging it open. So where is it today?” Patrick asked.

“Where’s what?”

“The fire?” He nodded at another cop, walking to a cruiser parked in the lot.

Alex took a step backward and folded her arms. “I believe we already had a conversation about, well, conversation.”

“First of all, we’re not talking about the case, unless there’s some metaphorical thing going on that I don’t know about. Second of all, your position on this case seems to be in doubt, at least if you believe the editorial in the Sterling News today.”

“There’s an editorial about me today?” Alex said, stunned. “What does it say?”

“Well, I’d tell you, but that would be talking about the case, wouldn’t it?” He grinned and started to walk off.

“Hang on,” Alex said, calling after the detective. When he turned, she glanced around to make sure that they were alone in the parking lot. “Can I ask you something? Off the record?”

He nodded slowly.

“Did Josie seem…I don’t know…all right to you, when you talked to her the other day?”

The detective leaned against the brick wall of the court building. “You certainly know her better than I do.”

“Well…sure,” Alex said. “I just thought she might say something to you-as a stranger-that she wasn’t willing to say to me.” She looked down at the ground between them. “Sometimes it’s easier that way.”

She could feel Patrick’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t quite muster the courage to meet them. “Can I tell you something? Off the record?”

Alex nodded.

“Before I took this job, I used to work in Maine. And I had a case that wasn’t just a case, if you know what I mean.”

Alex did. She found herself listening in his voice for a note she hadn’t heard before-a low one that resonated with anguish, like a tuning fork that never stopped its vibration. “There was a woman there who meant everything to me, and she had a little boy who meant everything to her. And when he was hurt, in a way a kid never should be, I moved heaven and earth to work that case, because I thought no one could possibly do a better job than I could. No one could possibly care more about the outcome.” He looked directly at Alex. “I was so sure I could separate how I felt about what had happened from how I had to do my job.”

Alex swallowed, dry as dust. “And did you?”

“No. Because when you love someone, no matter what you tell yourself, it stops being a job.”

“What does it become?”

Patrick thought for a moment. “Revenge.”

One morning, when Lewis had told Lacy he was headed to visit Peter at the jail, she got in her car and followed him. In the days since Peter had confessed that his father didn’t come to see him, through the arraignment and afterward, Lacy had kept this secret hidden. She spoke less and less to Lewis, because she feared that once she opened her mouth, it would escape like a hurricane.

Lacy was careful to keep one car between hers and Lewis’s. It made her think of a lifetime ago, when they had been dating, and she would follow Lewis to his apartment or he would follow her. They’d play games with each other, waving the rear windshield wiper like a dog wags its tail, flashing headlights in Morse code.