Трумен Капоте - In Cold Blood

I hope I'm wrong & I sincerely hope you will give this letter a lot of thought & try to see - how someone else feels. Please understand I know I am not an authority & I do not boast great intelligence or education but I do believe I am a normal individual with basic reasoning powers & the will to live my life according to the laws of God & Man. It is also true that I have "fallen" at times, as is normal - for as I said I am human & therefore I too have human weaknesses but the point is, again, There is no shame - having a dirty face - the shame comes when you keep it dirty. No one is more aware of my shortcomings and mistakes than myself so I won't bore you further.

Now, first, & most important - Dad is not responsible for your wrong doings or your good deeds. What you have done, whether right or wrong, is your own doing. From what I personally know, you have lived your life exactly as you pleased without regard to circumstances or persons who loved you - who might be hurt. Whether you realize it or not - your present confinement is embarrassing to me well as Dad - not because of what you did but the fact that you don't show me any signs of SINCERE regret and seem to show no respect for any laws, people or anything. Your letter implies that the blame of all your problems is that of someone else, but never you. I do admit that you are intelligent and your vocabulary is excellent & I do feel you can do anything you decide to do & do it well but what exactly do you want to do & are you willing to work & make an honest effort to attain whatever it is you choose to do? Nothing good comes easy and I'm sure you've heard this many times but once more won't hurt.

In case you want the truth about Dad - his heart is broken because of you. He would give anything to get you out so he can have his son back - but I am afraid you would only hurt him worse if you could. He is not well and is getting older &, as the saying goes, he cannot "Cut the Mustard" as in the old days. He has been wrong at times & he realizes this but whatever he had and wherever he went he shared his life & belongings with you when he wouldn't do this for anyone else. Now I don't say you owe him undying gratitude or your life but you do owe him RESPECT and COMMON DECENCY. I, personally, am proud of Dad. I love him & Respect him as my Dad & I am only sorry he chose to be the Lone Wolf with his son, or he might be living with us and share our love instead of alone in his little trailer & longing & waiting & lonesome for you, his son. I worry for him & when I say I, I mean my husband too for my husband respects our Dad. Because he is a MAN. It's true that Dad did not have a great extensive education but in school we only learn to recognize the words and to spell but the application of these words to real life is another thing that only LIFE & LIVING can give us. Dad has lived & you show ignorance in calling him uneducated and unable to understand "the scientific meaning etc" of life's problems. A mother is still the only one who can kiss a boo-boo and make it all well - explain that scientifically.

I'm sorry to let you have it so strong but I feel I must speak my piece. I am sorry that this must be censored [by the prison authorities], & I sincerely hope this letter is not detrimental towards your eventual release but I feel you should know & realize what terrible hurt you have done. Dad is the important one as I am dedicated to my family but you are the only one Dad loves - in short, his "family." He knows I love him, of course, but the closeness is not there, as you know.

Your confinement is nothing to be proud of and you will have to live with it & try & live it down & it can be done but not with your attitude of feeling everyone is stupid & uneducated & un-understanding. You are a human being with a free will. Which puts you above the animal level. But if you live your life without feeling and compassion for your fellowman - you are as an animal - "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" & happiness & peace of mind is not attained by living thus.

As far as responsibility goes, no one really wants it - but all of us are responsible to the community we live in & its laws. When the time comes to assume the responsibility of a home and children or business, this is the seeding of the boys from the Men - for surely you can realize what a mess the world would be if everyone in it said, "I want to be an individual, without responsibilities, & be able to speak my mind freely &do as I alone will." We are all free to speak & do as we individually will - providing this "freedom" of Speech & Deed are not injurious to our fellow-man.

Think about it, Perry. You are above average in intelligence, but somehow your reasoning is off the beam. Maybe it's the strain of your confinement. Whatever it is - remember - you & only you are responsible and it is up to you and you alone to overcome this part of your life. Hoping to hear from you soon.

With Love & Prayers,

Your sister & Bro. in Law Barbara & Frederic & Family

In preserving this letter, and including it in his collection of particular treasures, Perry was not moved by affection. Far from it. He "loathed" Barbara, and just the other day he had told Dick, "The only real regret I have - I wish the hell my sister hid been in that house." (Dick had laughed, and confessed to a similar yearning: "I keep thinking what fun if my second wife had been there. Her, and all her goddam family.") No, he valued the letter merely because his prison friend, the "super-intelligent" Willie-Jay, had written for him a "very sensitive" analysis of it, occupying two single-spaced typewritten pages, with the title "Impressions I Garnered from the Letter" at the top: Impressions I Garnered from the Letter 1.) When she began this letter, she intended that it should be a compassionate demonstration of Christian principles. That is to say that in return for your letter to her, which apparently annoyed her, she meant to turn the other cheek hoping in this way to incite regret for your previous letter and to place you on the defensive in your next.

However few people can successfully demonstrate a principle in common ethics when their deliberation is festered with emotionalism. Your sister substantiates this failing for as her letter progresses her judgment gives way to temper - her thoughts are good, lucid the products of intelligence, but it is not now an unbiased, impersonal intelligence. It is a mind propelled by emotional response to memory and frustration; consequently, however wise her admonishments might be, they fail to inspire resolve, unless it would be the resolve to retaliate by hurting her in your next letter. Thus commencing a cycle that can only culminate in further anger and distress.

2.) It is a foolish letter, but born of human failing.

Your letter to her, and this, her answer to you, failed in their objectives. Your letter was an attempt to explain your outlook on life, as you are necessarily affected by it. It was destined to be misunderstood, or taken too literally because your ideas are opposed to conventionalism. What could be more conventional than a housewife with three children, who is "dedicated" to her family???? What could be more unnatural than that she would resent an unconventional person There is considerable hypocrisy in conventionalism. Any thinking person is aware of this paradox; but in dealing with conventional people it is advantageous to treat them as though they were not hypocrites. It isn't a question of faithfulness to your own concepts; it is a matter of compromise so that you can remain an individual without the constant threat of conventional pressures. Her letter failed because she couldn't conceive of the profundity of your problem - she couldn't fathom the pressures brought to bear upon you because of environment, intellectual frustration and a growing tendency toward isolationism.