Agota Kristof - The Book of Lies

I lift my suitcase onto the bed and put my clothes away in the empty closet.

I do not go out that night. I finish the bottle of wine and settle in front of one of the living room windows in a deep armchair. I watch the square, and then I go to sleep in a bed that smells like soap.

When I get up around ten o'clock the next morning I find two newspapers on the kitchen table and a pot of vegetable soup on the stove. The first thing I do is make myself some coffee, which I drink while reading the newspapers. I have the soup later, around four in the afternoon, before going out.

The bookseller does not disturb me. I only see her when I pay a visit downstairs. When I'm out she cleans the apartment, taking away my dirty laundry as well and bringing it back washed and ironed.

Time passes quickly. I have to appear in the neighboring town, the regional capital, to have my visa renewed. A young woman stamps my passport RENEWED FOR ONE MONTH. I pay and thank her. She smiles at me: "Tonight I'llbe at the bar of the Grand Hotel. There'll be a lot of foreigners there; you might run into some compatriots."

I say, "Yes, perhaps I'll come."

I immediately take the red train back home to my town.

The following month the young woman is less amiable; she stamps my passport without saying a word. The third time she crisply warns me that a fourth time will be impossible.

Toward the end of summer I have almost run out of money; I am forced to economize. I buy a harmonica and play in bars, as I did in my childhood. The patrons offer me drinks. As for meals, I am content with the bookseller's vegetable soups. In September and October I am no longer able to pay my rent. The bookseller does not ask me for it; she continues to clean, to do my laundry, to bring me soup.

I don't know how I'llget by, but I don't want to return to the other country; I must stay here, I must die here, in this town.

My pains have not reappeared since my arrival despite my excessive consumption of alcohol and tobacco.

On the thirtieth of October I celebrate my birthday with my drinking friends in the town's more popular bars. They all pay for me. Couples dance to the sound of my harmonica. Women kiss me. I am drunk. I begin to talk about my brother the way I always do when I've drunk too much. Everybody in town knows my story: I'm looking for my brother who I lived with here, in this town, until I was fifteen. It is here that I must find him; I am waiting for him and know that he will come when he hears that I have returned from abroad.

All this is a lie. I know very well that I was already alone in this town, with Grandmother, that even then I only fantasized that there were two of us, me and my brother, in order to endure the unbearable solitude.

The bar quiets down somewhat around midnight. I no longer play, I just drink.

A scruffy old man sits down in front of me. He drinks from my glass. He says, "I remember you both very well, your brother and you."

I say nothing. Another man, a younger one, brings a liter of wine to my table. I ask for a clean glass. We drink.

The younger man asks me, "What would you give me if I found your brother?"

I tell him, "I have no more money."

He laughs. "But you can wire for money from abroad. All foreigners are rich."

"Not me. I couldn't even buy you a drink."

He laughs. "It doesn't matter. Another liter, on me."

The waitress brings more wine and says, "That's the last one. I can't serve you anymore. If we don't close up we'll get into trouble with the police."

The old man continues to drink next to us, saying from time to time, "Yes, I knew you wel), you two, you were already pretty wild in those days. Yes, yes."

The younger man says to me, "I know that your brother is hiding in the forest. I've sometimes seen him off in the distance. He's made clothes out of army blankets and he goes barefoot even in winter. He lives on herbs, roots, chestnuts, and small animals. He has long gray hair and a gray beard. He has a knife and matches, and he smokes cigarettes that he rolls himself, which proves that he must come into town sometimes at night. Maybe the girls who live on the other side of the cemetery and who sell their bodies know him. One of them at least. Perhaps she sees him secretly and gives him what he needs. We could organize a search. If we all look for him we could trap him."

I stand up and hit him.

"Liar! That isn't my brother. And if you want to trap anyone, count me out."

I hit him again and he falls from his chair. I tip over the table and keep screaming: "He's not my brother!"

The waitress shouts in the street: "Police! Police!"

Someone must have telephoned because the police arrive very quickly. Two of them. On foot. The tavern falls silent. One of the policemen asks, "What's going on? This place should have closed up long ago."

The man I hit whimpers, "He hit me."

Several people point at me: "It was him."

The policeman picks the man up. "Stop complaining. You're not even scratched. And you're plastered as usual. You'd better go home. You'd all better go home."

He turns to me. "I don't know you. Show me your papers."

I try to escape but the people around me grab me. The policeman digs through my pockets and finds my passport. He studies it for a long time and says to his colleague, "His visa is expired. Has been for months. We'll have to bring him in."

I struggle but they put handcuffs on me and lead me out onto the street. I stagger and am having trouble walking, so they practically carry me all the way to the station. There they take off my handcuffs, lie me down on a bed, and leave, shutting the door behind them.

The next morning a police officer questions me. He is young, his hair is red, and his face is covered with red spots.

He says to me, "You have no right to remain in our country. You must leave."

I say, "I don't have money for the train. I don't have any money at all."

'I'll notify your embassy. They'll repatriate you."

I say, "I don't want to leave. I have to find my brother."

The officer shrugs. "You can come back whenever you want. You could even move here permanently, but there are rules for that. They'll explain to you at your embassy. As for your brother, I'll look into the matter. Do you have any information about him that could help us?"

"Yes, I have a manuscript written in his own hand. It's on the living room table in my apartment above the bookseller's." "And how did you come into possession of this manuscript?" "Someone left it in my name at the reception desk."

He says, "Odd, very odd."

One morning in November I am summoned to the policeman's office. He tells me to sit and hands me my manuscript.

"Here, I'm giving it back to you. It's just fiction, and it has nothing to do with your brother."

We are silent. The window is open. It's raining and cold. At last the officer speaks. "Even as far as you're concerned we haven't found anything in the municipal archives."

I say, "Naturally. Grandmother never declared me. And I never went to school. But I know that I was born in the capital."

'The archives there were totally destroyed by the bombing. They're coming for you at two this afternoon."

He added that very quickly.

I hide my hands under the table because they are shaking.

"At two? Today?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. It's so sudden. But I repeat, you can come back whenever you like. You can come back permanently. Many emigrants have. Our country currently belongs to the free world. Soon you won't even need a visa."

I tell him, "That will be too late for me. I have a bad heart. I came back because I wanted to die here. As for my brother, perhaps he never existed."

The officer says, "Yes, that's probably true. If you keep going on about him people will think you're insane."