Agota Kristof - The Book of Lies

Grandmother raises her fist and threatens her image in the mirror:

"You won't be able to do a thing to me! Not a thing!"

She sniggers. She takes off the jewelry, puts it in a canvas bag, and stuffs the bag in her straw mattress. She goes to bed, we do too.

Next morning, when our cousin has left the kitchen, we say to Grandmother:

"Grandmother, we have something to tell you."

"What now?"

"Pay close attention, Grandmother. We promised the old gentleman to look after our cousin. So nothing will happen to her. No accidents, no illnesses. Nothing. Or to us either."

We show her a sealed envelope:

"Everything is written here. We are going to give this letter to the priest. If anything happens to any of the three of us, the priest will open the letter. Do you understand, Grandmother?"

Grandmother looks at us, her eyes almost shut. She is breathing very heavily. She says very quietly:

"Sons of a bitch, a whore, and the devil! Cursed be the day you were born."

In the afternoon, when Grandmother goes off to work in her vineyard, we search her mattress. There is nothing in it.

Our cousin is becoming serious. She doesn't bother us anymore. Every day she washes in the big tub we bought with the money we earned in the cafés. She washes her dress a lot, and her underpants too. While her clothes are drying, she wraps herself in a towel or lies in the sun with her underpants drying on top of her. She is very brown. Her hair covers her to her buttocks. Sometimes she turns over on her back and hides her breasts with her hair.

Toward evening, she goes off to town. She stays longer and longer in town. One evening, we follow her without her knowing.

Near the cemetery, she joins a group of boys and girls, all much older than us. They are sitting under the trees smoking. They've also got bottles of wine. They drink straight from the bottle. One of them keeps watch by the side of the path. If someone comes, the lookout sits quietly and whistles a well- known tune. The group disperses and hides in the bushes or behind the tombstones. When the danger is over, the lookout whistles a different tune.

The group talks in whispers about the war, and about desertions, deportations, resistance, and liberation.

According to them, the foreign soldiers who are in our country and who claim to be our allies are in fact our enemies, and those who will be here soon and win the war are not enemies but on the contrary our liberators.

They say:

"My father has gone over to the other side. He'll come back with them."

"My father deserted when war was declared."

"My parents joined the partisans. I was too young to go with them."

"Mine were taken away by those bastards. Deported."

"You'll never see them again, you know. Me either. They're all dead now."

"You can't be sure. There'll be survivors."

"And we'll avenge the dead."

"We were too young. Too bad. We couldn't do anything."

"It'll be over soon. They will be here any day now."

"We'll be waiting for them in the Town Square with flowers."

Late at night, the group breaks up. Everybody goes home.

Our cousin leaves with a boy. We follow her. They go into the little lanes around the castle and disappear behind a ruined wall. We can't see them, but we can hear them.

Our cousin says:

"Lie down on me. Yes, like that. Kiss me. Kiss me."

The boy says:

"You're really beautiful! I want you."

"Me too. But I'm afraid. What if I get pregnant?"

"I'll marry you. I love you. We'll get married after the Liberation."

"We're too young. We must wait."

"I can't wait."

"Stop! You're hurting me. You mustn't, darling, you mustn't."

The boy says:

"Yes, you're right. But touch me. Give me your hand. Touch me there, like that. Turn around. I want to kiss you there, there, while you touch me."

Our cousin says:

"No, don't do that. I'm ashamed. Oh! Go on, go on! I love you, I love you so much."

We go home.

We have to go back to the priest's house to return the books we've borrowed.

The door is opened by an old woman again. She lets us in and says:

"Father is expecting you."

The priest says:

"Sit down."

We put the books on his desk. We sit down.

The priest looks at us for a moment, then says:

"I've been waiting for you. You haven't come for a long time."

We say:

"We wanted to finish the books. And we've been very busy."

"And what about your bath?"

"We have all we need to wash ourselves now. We bought a tub, soap, scissors, and toothbrushes."

"With what? Where did you get the money?"

"With the money we earn playing music in the cafés."

"The cafés are places of perdition. Especially at your age."

We don't answer. He says:

"You haven't been for the blind woman's money either. It amounts to a considerable sum now. Take it."

He hands us the money. We say:

"Keep it. You have given enough. We took your money when it was absolutely necessary. Now we earn enough money to give some to Harelip. We have also taught her to work. We have helped her dig her garden and plant potatoes, beans, squash, and tomatoes. We have given her chicks and rabbits to raise. She looks after her garden and her animals. She doesn't beg anymore. She doesn't need your money anymore."

The priest says:

"Then take this money for yourselves. That way you will not have to work in the cafés."

"We like working in the cafés."

He says:

"I heard you were beaten and tortured."

We ask:

"What happened to your housekeeper?"

"She went to the front to care for the wounded. She died."

We say nothing. He asks:

"Would you like to confide in me? I am sworn to keep the secrets of the confessional. You have nothing to fear. You can confess."

We say:

"We have nothing to confess."

"You are wrong. Such a crime is very hard to bear. Confession will relieve you. God forgives all those who are sincerely sorry for their sins."

We say:

"We are sorry for nothing. We have nothing to be sorry for."

After a long silence, he says:

"I saw it all through the window. The piece of bread… But vengeance belongs to God. You have no right to do His work for Him."

We say nothing. He asks:

"Can I bless you?"

"If you want to."

He places his hands on our heads:

"Almighty God, bless these Thy children. Whatever their crime, forgive them. Poor lambs who have lost their way in an abominable world, themselves victims of our perverted times, they know not what they do. I beg Thee to save their child's souls, to purify them in Thy infinite goodness and mercy. Amen."

Then he says to us again:

"Come back and see me from time to time, even if you don't need anything."

From one day to the next, posters appear on the walls of the town. One poster shows an old man lying on the ground, his body pierced by the bayonet of an enemy soldier. A second shows an enemy soldier striking a child with another child, whom he is holding by the feet. Yet another shows an enemy soldier pulling at a woman's arm and tearing her blouse off with his other hand. The woman's mouth is open, and tears are streaming from her eyes.

The people who look at the posters are terrified.

Grandmother laughs and says:

"It's all lies. You mustn't be afraid."

People are saying that the Big Town has fallen.

Grandmother says:

"If they've crossed the Big River, nothing will stop them. They'll be here soon."

Our cousin says:

"Then I'll be able to go home."

One day, people say that the army has surrendered, that there is an armistice and the war is over. Next day, people say that there is a new government and the war is going on.