Robert Pirsig - Lila. An Inquiry Into Morals

Once when Phædrus was standing in one of the galleries of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, he saw on one wall a huge painting of the Buddha and nearby were some paintings of Christian saints. He noticed again something he had thought about before. Although the Buddhists and Christians had no historic contact with one another they both painted halos. The halos weren’t the same size. The Buddhists painted great big ones, sometimes surrounding the person’s whole body, while the Christian ones were smaller and in back of the person’s head or over it. It seemed to mean the two religions weren’t copying one another or they would have made the halos the same size. But they were both painting something they were seeing separately, which implied that that something they were painting had a real, independent existence.

Then as Phædrus was thinking this he noticed one painting in the corner and thought, There. What the others are just painting symbolically he is actually showing. They’re seeing it second-hand. He’s seeing it first hand.

It was a painting of Christ with no halo at all. But the clouds in the sky behind his head were slightly lighter near his head than farther away. And the sky near his head was lighter too. That was all. But that was the real illumination, no objective thing at all, just a shift in intensity of light. Phædrus stepped up to the canvas to read the name-plate at the bottom. It was El Greco again.

Our culture immunizes us against giving much importance to all this because the light has no objective reality. That means it’s just some subjective and therefore unreal phenomenon. In a Metaphysics of Quality, however, this light is important because it often appears associated with undefined auspiciousness, that is, with Dynamic Quality. It signals a Dynamic intrusion upon a static situation. When there is a letting go of static patterns the light occurs. It is often accompanied by a feeling of relaxation because static patterns have been jarred loose.

He thought it was probably the light that infants see when their world is still fresh and whole, before consciousness differentiates it into patterns; a light into which everything fades at death. Accounts of people who have had a near death experience have referred to this white light as something very beautiful and compelling from which they didn’t want to return. The light would occur during the breakup of the static patterns of the person’s intellect as it returned into the pure Dynamic Quality from which it had emerged in infancy.

During Phædrus' time of insanity when he had wandered freely outside the limits of cultural reality, this light had been a valued companion, pointing out things to him that he would otherwise have missed, appearing at an event his rational thought had indicated was unimportant, but which he would later discover had been more important than he had known. Other times it had occurred at events he could not figure out the importance of, but which had left him wondering.

He saw it once on a small kitten. After that for a long time the kitten followed him wherever he went and he wondered if the kitten saw it too.

He had seen it once around a tiger in a zoo. The tiger had suddenly looked at him with what seemed like surprise and had come over to the bars for a closer look. Then the illumination began to appear around the tiger’s face. That was all. Afterward, that experience associated itself with William Blake’s Tiger! Tiger! burning bright.

The eyes had blazed with what seemed to be inner light.

In the dream he thought someone was shooting at him, and then he realized no this was no dream. Someone was pounding on the boat hull.

OK! he shouted. Just a minute. It must be the marina attendant wanting to get paid or something.

He got up and, in his pajamas, slid the hatch cover open. It was someone he didn’t know. He was black, with a big grin on his face and a white tunic that was so bright and clean it knocked out everything else. He looked like he’d just stepped off an Uncle Ben’s rice package.

First mate Jamison reporting for duty, sir! he said and snapped a smart salute, still grinning. The tunic had big shiny brass buttons. Phædrus wondered where he had found something like that. He seemed to be grinning at his own ludicrousness.

What do you want? Phædrus said.

I’m here to start workin .'

You’ve got the wrong boat.

No I ain’t. You just don’t know me in this uniform. Where’s Lila? he said.

Phædrus suddenly recognized him. He was Jamie, the one he had met in that bar.

She’s still sleeping, Phædrus said.

Sleeping!? Jamie threw his head back and laughed. Man, you can’t let her get away with that. It’s past ten in the morning.

Jamie pointed to his gold wrist watch. Time to get her up! His voice was very loud. Phædrus noticed a head from another boat was watching them.

Jamie started to laugh again, then looked up and down the boat with a smile. Well, you sure had me fooled. The way Lila told it this boat was at least five times this big. And all you got is this pee-wee little thing.

He glanced twice at Phædrus to check the reaction to this. That’s all right. That’s all right. It’s plenty big enough for me. It’s just Lila had me fooled.

Phædrus tried to shake the cobwebs out of his head. What the hell was this all about?

What did Lila tell you? he asked.

Lila told me to come here for work this morning. So here I am.

That’s crazy, Phædrus said. She told you wrong.

The grin disappeared from Jamie’s face. He looked puzzled, hurt. Then he said, I think I gonna have a little talk with her, and stepped aboard. The way he jumped over the life-line showed he was no sailor: no permission, dirty street shoes on. Phædrus was about to call him on the dirty shoes but then suddenly he saw Richard Rigel coming down the dock. Rigel waved to him and came over. Where did he come from?

I’m going down to talk to her, Jamie said.

Phædrus shook his head. She’s tired.

Jamie shook his head back. No offense, he said, but you don’t know shit about Lila.

No, she’s tired.

No, man. She always talks like that. I know how to fix that. Jamie went down the hatchway. We’ll be right up, he said.

Phædrus started to feel alarmed. He saw that Rigel was staring at him. He said to Rigel, I didn’t know you were here.

I’ve been here for a while, Rigel said. Who is that?

He’s some friend of Lila’s.

Is she still here?

She’s in trouble. He looked up at Rigel. She’s really in trouble… Rigel squinted. He looked as though he was going to say something but then he didn’t. Finally he said, What are you going to do about it?

I don’t know, Phædrus said, I just woke up. I haven’t got anything in mind yet.

Before Rigel could answer they heard a low deep noise below, then a shout, then a scuffling sound, and then another shout.

Suddenly Jamie’s face appeared. His white Uncle Ben jacket had a big spot of blood by one of the buttons. His hand against his cheek had blood on it.

That fuckin’ whore! he shouted.

He came out the hatch on deck.

He reached for the hatch rail and Phædrus saw his cheek had a bloody gash.

God-damn bitch! I’m gonna kill her!

Phædrus wondered where he could find a rag to stop the bleeding. Maybe below somewhere.