Элисон Скотч - The Theory of Opposites

What’s normal? I was a girl named William born to a famous (slightly insane) father who didn’t believe in free will. If you’re looking for normal, you’re probably not looking for me. Be what you already are. That’s me.

Daring Yourself to a Better Life!

By Vanessa Pines and Willa Chandler

PART FIVE: SET YOURSELF FREE

SUMMARY:

So here we are; we’ve nearly come to the end. You’ve pushed yourself into uncomfortable places, you’ve defied your own expectations, you’ve jumped when you wanted to keep your feet firmly on the ground. What is now left to do? Reward yourself . Stop thinking too much or agonizing too much or living in the shadow of those same new expectations. Be happy. You’ve tunneled through so much, why not see the light through the darkness, poke your head out and feel the sun, strong on your cheeks, and be grateful for all that you’ve accomplished, for your new life, for your new self. Then leap again and again and again. Go fly. Be free.

Shawn picks me up at Raina’s on Monday night. I’m nervous, but maybe less nervous than I should be, given the weight of what this date means, given where it may propel us. Back to Shilla. Back to where we once were, who we once were. I dab my eyes with shadow and think about the Jumbotron and of that kiss at the stadium, and I consider how perhaps going back to who Shawn and I once were isn’t exactly what I’ve aimed for, even if it’s what I thought I wanted all along.

Shawn greets me with roses, which he used to buy me on important occasions, and I smile and say they are lovely. They are. Though they are roses, which aren’t exactly the Dare You! equivalent of flowers. They aren’t gardenias. But still, I press them up to my nose and inhale and appreciate their beauty, appreciate them for what they are: a gesture, a symbol of what we were.

Shawn’s made reservations at this tiny Korean barbecue place in Koreatown that we went to all the time when we first got married. They greet us warmly and whisk us to a table in the corner, which has a circular grill in the middle, but also more roses and candles, which strike me as a fire hazard so close to the barbeque, but Shawn grins and says:

“I called ahead and asked them for the most romantic spot possible.”

“That’s really sweet.”

“Remember how we got totally addicted and came back for the beef eight days in a row?”

I laugh because I do remember, and also, eight days of Korean beef now seems really gross, and further, because it feels like so very, very long ago.

Shawn clears his throat.

“I really screwed up. I’m sorry. I want to say that first, get it out of the way. I thought I needed something different. It was my early mid-life crisis, but it turns out, I’m not that guy. I don’t need anything different. I like things exactly as they were.”

And I consider this for a beat, and then I bob my head because what he’s saying makes sense. It adds up, as Theo might say. The comfort in the familiar. The numbness this familiarity breeds. I can’t blame him. Before all of this, I wasn’t any different.

So I say: “Apology accepted.”

The waiter brings over a plate of beef, along with some raw vegetables, dumplings, noodles, soups and crispy rice.

“I pre-ordered all your favorites.”

“That’s so nice. I’m touched.”

He forks the raw beef slabs onto the grill.

“So I thought we should write some new rules.”

“New rules,” I echo.

He takes out his phone, clears his throat and says:

THE RULES FOR GETTING BACK TOGETHER

1. We never have to talk about the old rules.

2. We never have to talk about who we were with, what we did, whatever happened. What happened on “the break” stayed on “the break.”

3. Delete all evidence of our break on Facebook.

4. Let’s have a kid!

5. Let’s do all of this in Palo Alto! But if you don’t want to, we won’t.

6. We both agree to resume life as if this never happened.

He sets his phone down and looks at me, eyes wide, face hopeful. Then he adds, “I mean, only if you agree to those rules, too. I don’t get to unilaterally write the rules in our marriage.”

I gaze at the open flame on the grill as it shifts and moves and evolves right in front of me. Resume life as if this never happened. That’s not exactly what my book is about. That’s not exactly resisting inertia, opening my eyes, finding my guts. Charting my own map.

Here we are: Switzerland all over again. Switzerland stuck right in the middle of Koreatown. I consider everything that I’ve always considered because of my father and my history: fate and karma and destiny. That all roads lead to here, that our break was nothing more than a hiccup, that Theo was nothing more than a distraction.

And then I consider my guts.

And so I say: “I need some time.”

And he reaches for my hand and says: “Willa, I really think we were meant to be. Like, this is what the universe had planned.”

And I don’t say anything at all.

Bookmarked Favorites

Facebook/login

FEED:

Say Om Innocent posted a link to the New York Post article: “Yoyo Yogi Found Hiding Out in Thailand” (2 hrs ago)

Shawn Golden changed his relationship status from It’s Complicated to Married (3 hrs ago)

Minnie Chandler posted a status update: FW: FW: FW: If you can see this status update, it means that your computer has been hacked with the newest virus out of the Ukraine!!!! Please delete all of your cookies and reboot your computer four times to ensure that your hard drive is safe!!!! (5 hrs ago)

Reply from Raina Chandler-Farley: Mom, click here on Snopes. This is a hoax.

Ollie Chandler posted a status update: “To live well is the best vindication of all.” — My beloved mentor, Yogi Master Dari. However, learning that YMD’s been caught in Phuket is pretty good vindication too!!!!!!! Phuket-you, YMD! (But really, Namaste. Grateful for all of your support over these two months!!!)

721 likes

Reply from Halle Berry: You go, boy!!!! I knew it! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Vanessa Pines tagged Willa Chandler-Golden in a post: Spoiler alert — my BFF and I are off to Seattle this week to finish up our book! (And maybe join the ranks of the best reality TV contestants ever!! Not me, her. I don’t do on-camera.) She’s going under duress — everyone give her a metaphorical fist bump!

12 likes (7 hrs ago)

Comment from Hannah Burnett: Hey! Willa, Willa-bee. It’s me! Your old boss! I knew you could do it, you little ass-kicker!!!! Live free or die, bitches!! (Just don’t get eaten by a bear.)

New York Post:

Yoyo Yogi Found Hiding Out in Thailand

In a shocker to the federal agents who doggedly built a case implicating yogi-to-the-stars Oliver Chandler, the real enchilada in the case has been found holed up in a luxury resort at the ritzy beach locale of Phuket, Thailand. Government officials were given a tip-off when one of Chandler’s celebrity clients, who has not yet been named, was also vacationing at the resort and recognized Yogi Master Dari (birth name: Stan Reynolds) and phoned the Feds.

What does this mean for Jennifer Aniston’s favorite downward dog guy? He’s not totally off the hook. Anonymous sources tell the Post that Chandler may still have participated in the pyramid scheme, which bilked investors out of over a million dollars, but to what extent is now unclear. Chandler’s lawyer, Raina Chandler-Farley (also his sister), said to our reporters, “The FBI seized Mr. Reynolds’ computer, and we are confident that all of the evidence retrieved will absolve Oliver of the charges. He just wants to get back to helping the world live calmer, more peaceful lives.” Upon hearing the news, Lady Gaga tweeted to her over ten million followers: “Kick-ass day, monsters! My friend/pal/teacher is innocent!! F U, FBI!”