Francine Rivers - Her Daughter’s Dream

Someone pulled out a chair and sat opposite her. She didn’t feel like sharing her space. Gathering her notes, she tucked them quickly into a folder. She leaned over for her backpack.

“I’ve been trying to find you.”

Her heart lurched to a stop and then raced.

Jason folded his arms on the table. “How are you doing?”

Why now, Lord? I don’t know what You want from me anymore. She gave Jason a bleak smile. “I’m managing.” All the old attraction swam through her blood as he looked her over.

Standing, she lifted her backpack onto the table and began putting her books away.

“You look tired, Dawn.”

“I haven’t been sleeping very well.”

“Neither have I.” He leaned forward, keeping his voice low. “Do you want to go somewhere? talk?”

She recognized the glint in his eyes and went hot all over. She remembered all too well how it had been between them. Reason enough to withdraw. Now. “I have a chemistry class.”

“I joined the Army.”

“Very funny, Jason.”

Jason caught hold of her arm and pulled her to a stop. “I joined the Army, Dawn.” When she pulled back, his hand slid away. “They’re paying for my education. When I finish, I’ll be on active service for six years.”

Dawn went cold with guilt. “And it’s my fault.” She thought of Iraq and Kuwait and the young men being deployed. Mitch had told her things would heat up before it was over. What would that mean for Jason? Would he finish college and end up shipped off to a war? All because she’d distracted him from his studies and he couldn’t get a scholarship? Georgia Steward had every right to hate her. “I’m sorry, Jason.” An apology would never be enough. Her eyes blurred with tears. “I’m so sorry.” She stepped back. “I was the worst thing that ever happened to you.” She turned away.

Jason caught hold of her again. “Will you just wait a minute?”

She wrenched free. “You had everything planned out before I messed things up. You’d be at Berkeley on scholarship right now if we hadn’t…” Unable to say more, she spun from him and wove quickly into the throng of students, half-running.

Chemistry class passed in a blur. She took notes, trying to make sense of things, but she kept thinking about Jason’s announcement. The Army! He’d wanted to be an engineer or a Christian businessman-or maybe even a pastor. Now he’d be a soldier building bridges or roads into some godforsaken battle zone. What a mess she’d made!

Dawn emerged from class and saw Jason leaning against the wall. Pushing away, he caught up with her. “We need to talk.”

“I think your first instincts three years ago were right on, Jason. We need to let things go.”

“Please, Dawn.” He took her hand and pressed it flat against his chest. She felt his heart pounding hard and fast. He leaned closer. “I could barely catch my breath when I saw you sitting in the café. It’s not over, Dawn. It’s never going to be over between us.”

Her body filled with sensations. Unthinking, she stepped forward and slid her arms around his waist. As she pressed herself against him, she heard him suck in his breath. He put his arms around her and let it out again, slowly. “I love you, Dawn. I’ll love you forever.” Dawn felt the heat of his hand press against the small of her back. His breath was ragged. “Are you finished with classes for the day?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s find someplace to be alone and talk. I have a couple of roommates. What about you?” When he stepped back, she watched his eyes go dark the same way they had every time she came to the trailer while his mother had been away working. That look had intoxicated her then. It still sent curling heat into the pit of her stomach and down her legs.

“I live alone.” She could feel the heat coming off him at that, or was it her?

“It’s been too long, Dawn.” Jason took her hand. “Let’s go.”

The Spirit within Dawn warned her. Alert to Him after three years of walking close, she listened and obeyed. “No.” She pulled her hand free and didn’t move from where they stood. “We can’t be alone, not with our history.” And not with the way she was feeling right then. If they were alone and he touched her, she’d forget all about what God wanted of her. Three years had obviously changed Jason. She had to find out how much.

He didn’t pretend not to understand. Running his hands down her arms, he gave her a slow smile that melted her insides. “Okay. We’ll set rules. Kissing, but no petting, no-”

Dawn shook her head. “I’m not strong enough, Jason, and I’m not willing to go down that road again.”

Jason let out a shuddering breath. “Okay.” He took her hand and wove his fingers through hers. “Make a suggestion.”

“Someplace public, so we’ll have to behave ourselves.”

He laughed. “Then I guess it’s going to be the Dexter Lawn.” When he smiled at her this time, he looked like the Jason she remembered.

Every morning, Dawn and Jason met on the Dexter Lawn after he finished ROTC classes. They met on the walkways between classes and at the dining complex for lunch. They talked on the telephone every night until they couldn’t keep their eyes open.

Jason introduced her to his friends: Dod Henson, Jack Kohl, and Alice Jeffries, the pretty, dark-haired girl who turned out to be Dod’s girl. None were Christians and they seemed surprised to find out Jason was. “When did that happen?” Dod wanted to know, and Jason said a long time ago, but he just hadn’t been walking with the Lord lately. He’d been ticked at God and hadn’t felt like talking to Him. He laughed when he said it, grimacing in self-mockery. They all went into town and talked over Chinese food or hamburgers. On Saturdays, Dawn and Jason studied in the library. On Sunday mornings, they went to church together.

A month passed like a Santana wind, and Jason wanted to do something special to celebrate their “anniversary.” Dawn suggested a Sunday afternoon picnic on the beach and brought homemade fried chicken, potato salad, and fresh-baked cookies. They ate at a table, with the wind blowing cold off the ocean, and stowed the leftovers in the backseat of his white Honda. Throwing a blanket over his shoulder, Jason took her hand and said he wanted to walk awhile. He found a cove shielded from the wind and spread the blanket so they could sit and watch the waves.

Dawn talked about the sermon they’d heard that morning and raised questions. Jason’s answers seemed more seasoned with life than they had when he was seventeen. Shivering, Dawn wrapped her arms around her raised knees and told Jason about the day she’d seen him sitting near the front of the church. “You came in late. I watched you pray.”

Jason stretched on his back, arms behind his head. “That was the first time I’d been to church since moving down here.”

Dawn stared at him in surprise. “Kim said you were in church every time you came home.”

“Yeah,” he drawled. “Because Mom insisted.” He frowned. “Is that why you weren’t there? Because I was?”

She looked out at the ocean. Seagulls dipped and floated on the wind. “It hurt to see you.”

Jason’s hand curved around her hip. “I didn’t feel much like seeing Pastor Daniel after that surprise fishing trip he and Mom pulled on me.”

“What’d Pastor Daniel say to you that weekend?”

Jason grimaced. “That a man protects those he loves, and I was putting you at risk. I won’t go into the gory details, but Daniel told me what I thought of as protection wasn’t what God had in mind. I knew he was right, which was the problem, of course. I just didn’t want to hear it. I figured you’d be upset when I wasn’t there, but-”