Jane Green - Bookends

I lean my hands on the sink and look at my reflection, marvelling at the face that stares back. I haven’t had a hangover this bad for years, and I’m sure I never used to look this awful the morning after. I smudge my fingers under my eyes to try to remove the mascara that’s halfway down my cheeks, then splash my face, groaning with relief at the cold water.

And as I walk back to the bedroom I hear muffled shouts coming from the telephone. I pick it up in amazement.

‘You’re still here?’

‘I refuse to put the phone down until you agree to meet me for breakfast. And I got the message about the fry-up, so we can just go for a cup of coffee, but I’ve told Lucy you’ll meet her at the shop this afternoon, so you haven’t got an excuse. You have to come.’

What can I do? I give in and we arrange to meet in an hour’s time.

An hour later I’m sitting by the window of a cosy café off the high street in Hampstead, nursing a large black coffee and a head that’s not thumping quite as badly as it was, but is nevertheless still thumping.

I hear a commotion coming down the street, and I peer out of the window to see Si being dragged towards a Yorkshire terrier that’s straining at the leash by none other than Mouse. ‘No!’ he shouts at Mouse, who has managed to get himself wound around a lamppost. ‘Naughty boy!’ He eventually manages to unravel him before looping his lead through a railing just outside the shop and instructing him to sit. Mouse obviously decides to curb his natural exuberance for once, and sinks slowly to the pavement, his eyes looking rather pathetically up at Si as he walks inside and comes to sit down at the table.

He scrapes the chair away from the table, as I grimace and lift my hands to my tender temples.

‘Sorry,’ he whispers, leaning over to give me a kiss.

‘What’s Mouse doing here?’

‘I forgot I’d promised to babysit. You don’t mind, do you? I’m meeting Will a bit later on and we’re going to take him for a walk.’

‘Is Will coming here ?’ I try to make the question as nonchalant as possible.

‘Don’t worry, you won’t have to see him.’ Si can see straight through me. ‘I’m meeting him at the tube. Now, we both need to order Cokes.’ He goes off into this long explanation of why Coke is the best cure for a hangover, and, even though Coke is the last thing I want right now, once it arrives and I start sipping it slowly, it’s extraordinary how much better I feel.

In fact, within half an hour I’m feeling so good that suddenly the thought of a fry-up doesn’t sound too bad after all, and we both order exactly the same thing: scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and fried tomato with copious amounts of white toast. Si debates going for wholemeal, as it’s ‘so much healthier’, but in the end we decide that there really isn’t any point, and that if white bread and brown bread were exactly the same in terms of nutritional content, you’d choose white every time, so what the hell.

‘It’s like those times you go into restaurants and see these rather large women ordering garlic bread, spaghetti carbonara with extra Parmesan, and a Diet Coke,’ he snorts, as a rather large woman on the table next to us puts down her almond croissant, picks up her Diet Coke and shoots Si an extremely dirty look.

‘First, James,’ Si says, and I tell him what happened last night, up to the point I saw him leave with Ingrid.

‘But I thought you weren’t interested,’ Si smirks, as I jump on the defensive.

‘I wasn’t. I mean, I’m not. It’s just that everyone was so convinced he was interested in me, and to be honest it was hugely flattering. And he is a nice guy. At least I thought so until last night, and I suppose I just feel let down.’ Something in me stops me from telling Si that I actually feel more than let down.

‘But you don’t know that anything happened,’ Si said.

‘You saw Ingrid last night. Do you really think he was just walking her home?’

Si thinks for a minute, then shrugs apologetically. ‘I’m probably not the best person to ask. I’m gay, for God’s sake, I can’t judge Ingrid’s attraction.’

‘Bollocks, Si. She looked up for anything last night, and no man can resist that.’

‘True, but if he’s as nice a guy as you think he is, then he’s not the type to jump into bed with her on the first night.’

‘Not “think he is”. Thought he was. The only thing I think right now is that I was wrong.’

Si shakes his head and laughs. ‘I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation. This is Cath-the-celibate-one I’m talking to, isn’t it? The one who hasn’t had the slightest bit of interest in men since Martin?’

‘I’m still celibate,’ I grunt. ‘Just in case you hadn’t noticed.’

‘I had noticed actually, but I still think it’s strange,’ he says pensively. ‘Portia only re-entered our lives last night, but already I feel unsettled, that the dynamic suddenly seems to be changing.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, that we should be having this conversation, for starters. I don’t remember talking to you like this about men since we were third years. I feel as if I’ve regressed ten years, as if we all have. And then did you see Josh’s face last night? If I didn’t know better I’d say he was a lovestruck undergraduate. I almost expected Portia to wind herself round him like a snake and put her tongue in his ear.’

‘Jesus!’ My mouth drops open. ‘I can’t believe you just said that. That’s exactly what I was thinking about last night. I hadn’t thought about that for years.’

‘Me neither,’ Si says sourly, ‘but isn’t it interesting that that’s the first memory that should come flooding back once Portia turns up. And, pissed as I was last night, I noticed Josh was not a happy bunny by the time he came back. I can’t help but wonder what else is going to change?’

‘Si, you’re being a touch overdramatic, don’t you think? She turned up because we were the ones who got in touch with her. Talking to you anyone would think she’s spent the last ten years plotting her revenge and she’s come back to steal all our husbands.

‘Well, Lucy’s husband, because obviously you and I are husbandless,’ I continue. ‘But still, Si, I do think that’s slightly ridiculous.’

‘So you’re saying that you don’t think she’s come back to set her sights on Josh once again?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. Whatever for? The only time she’s ever been interested in Josh was one night, ten years ago. She could have had him permanently then, but if you remember correctly she didn’t want him, and I don’t for a second believe she wants him now.’

‘Not even because he’s the only one out of all of us who’s actually happily married to a divine wife with a gorgeous child? You don’t think she might be jealous?’

‘Did I just hear you use the word “gorgeous” in relation to Max Damien Devilspawn?’

Si grins.

‘Look, if we hadn’t phoned her that day, we wouldn’t have seen her last night. This is all our doing, and you’re just reading far too much into it. Josh was pissed off last night because we were all completely whacked.’

‘I don’t know.’ Si shakes his head. ‘It’s just a feeling, but I hope I’m wrong. Anyway, I suppose we’ll have to watch this space when she comes to Josh and Lucy for dinner next week. So, back to Farmer James the gorgeous Estate Agent. What was he doing coming over this morning, or is there something you haven’t been telling me?’

Half an hour later Si manages to persuade me to walk him up to the tube to meet Will.

‘You don’t have to stay,’ he begs. ‘Pleeeeaaaase,’ he pleads. ‘I’ll be your best friend for ever and ever, and I’ll invite you to my party.’