Leslie Moore - Griffin's Daughter

Ashinji shook his head, hating to see such fear in her eyes. “No, no, love. I didn’t…although I wanted to very badly.” He paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. “Nothing but… shit and…and lies pour from his mouth. I knew he wouldn’t tell me the truth, but I had to confront him anyway.”

“ What…what did he say?” Jelena asked softly.

“ It doesn’t matter. What does matter is protecting you from him. Jelena, we have to go to my parents now and get their permission to marry. It’s the only way. Sadaiyo won’t dare try anything more if you are my wife. He may be twisted, but he’s not stupid.”

“ Ashinji, your father he is kind, good. But you…you are favorite son. He wants special…pure… elf girl for you. I am not special…”

“ Don’t ever say that!” Ashinji cut Jelena off before she could finish. He took both of her hands in his and brought them up to his lips. Tenderly, he placed a single kiss on each palm. “Jelena, you’ve given me the greatest gift that I have ever received…the gift of your love. I wish to honor our love every day with my body and my soul. I know you feel you are not worthy…of me, of happiness…It’s not true. You deserve to be happy. Allow yourself to be loved by me.” He leaned forward and breathed into her ear a single word. “Please!”

Something inside of Jelena seemed to shift, to melt. Ashinji watched her face intently as she wrestled with her emotions. Her hazel eyes went soft and unfocused as she lost herself in her thoughts, then they sharpened up and fastened onto his eyes, filled with a new resolve. “I do love you, Ashi, more than you know. But marry you now…I cannot. Wait! Hear me!” she commanded, raising her hand as Ashinji opened his mouth to object. “I want to marry you…so much, it is painful to me, but I must have a name first. Even if…I find my family and they do not want me, at least I will know who they are… who I am. Then, I will feel right to ask your parents to let me join their family.”

“ Damn it, Jelena…That may not happen!” Ashinji exclaimed, profoundly frustrated with her stubbornness. “I understand your need to know who you really are,” he continued more calmly, “but not knowing shouldn’t stop us from marrying. Once we are wed, you’ll have a name and the protection of our House.”

Jelena remained silent, looking tired, hollow-eyed and scared.

“ You are afraid of Sadaiyo, of what he is capable of. So am I,” Ashinji said quietly. “Have I ever told you why I believe my brother hates me so?” Jelena shook her head. “Sadaiyo had my parents all to himself for many years. I think he believed, naively, that they would have no other children and that he would never have to share their attention or their love with anyone else. My earliest memory of my brother is of him leaning over my cradle and spitting in my face. I was too young to truly understand just what that meant, but in time, I learned the depths of his hostility toward me.

“ Sadaiyo has always been very clever and skilled at tormenting me. I eventually learned to cope-to fight back, even-but it made life needlessly difficult for me.”

“ Why did not your parents stop him?” Jelena asked.

“ I said Sadaiyo has always been clever. He never did anything in front of my parents other than taunt me, and all of his most vicious attacks he carefully planned so as to leave no trace of his hands upon them. I could never prove anything, so I usually kept silent and…and…”

Ashinji paused to take a slow, deep breath. Even after so many years, the pain could sometimes flare up so raw and hot, it stopped him in his tracks.

Jelena seemed to sense his hurt, for she moved closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “If these memories are too painful for you, Ashi, you do not have to talk about them now,” she said quietly.

Ashinji shook his head. “No, I do want to talk…especially to you, now.” He kissed her lightly on the lips and continued. “The fact that I am so like our father only makes things worse. It draws us together, my father and me…makes us much more than just father and son; we are friends as well. Sadaiyo has never had that same closeness with Father, and he sees this as a threat. I think he believes Father is looking for any excuse to disinherit him…name me Heir instead, which I know our father would never do.”

“ You would make a far better Lord than Sadaiyo, Ashi,” Jelena interjected. “All here love you. I have heard…seen how much respect in their hearts they have for you. No one loves Sadaiyo. They fear the day he will become Lord.”

Ashinji sighed. “The real truth of it, beloved, is that I have never wished to usurp my brother’s position. All I’ve ever wanted is the chance to pursue a life of my own choosing. I was given to the military because that is what tradition dictates for every second born child of our House. I had no say in it, but if I had been given a choice, I would have gone to the university.”

“ Uni…ver…” Jelena stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

“ A place of learning. If I had been born a girl with a high level of Talent, I might have been sent to one of the mage schools… Anyhow, I’ve never given Sadaiyo any reason to fear me, yet his hostility has only grown worse over the years.”

“ Your sisters…Does he hate them also?”

“ Oddly enough, no. He ignores them, mostly. I think he believes that they are my mother’s concern, and are no direct threat to him, although my father dotes shamefully on all three of them.”

“ As if you do not!” Jelena teased.

Ashinji smiled broadly. “When Lani was a baby, I used to carry her around on my back all over the castle. I taught her how to ride and shoot a bow. She loves mathematics almost as much as I do. And the twins! The twins are…well, they are a force of nature!” Jelena laughed and nodded in agreement.

“ My father treats Sadaiyo with the respect due his eldest son and Heir, but I know in my heart he wishes that I had been born first. He can’t hide how he feels. Sadaiyo knows, and so any brotherly love he may have had for me has been poisoned beyond hope. The day he assumes the title is the last day I shall ever be welcome in Kerala.”

Ashinji had never spoken this bitter truth aloud, though he had carried it for so long within his heart. He felt strangely relieved, now that he had given voice to it-as if by saying the words, he had taken some of the pain out of it and could therefore accept his future exile more easily.

“ So you see, dearest love, I am a man with no prospects other than those the army affords me, but I don’t care. I’ll always have a place, and someday, I still hope to enter the university. The House of Sakehera will be my brother’s concern. Do you understand now why the question of your bloodline doesn’t matter?”

“ But I am half human , Ashi. That is still thought of as below elf,” Jelena pointed out.

“ Yes, you are right. I can’t deny the prejudice of many okui-purebloods-against those of mixed race, but things are changing for the better. In Sendai, there is a large community of hikui that has existed for many generations. I’ll take you there.”

He paused for a heartbeat as his voice caught in his throat. Her beauty took his breath away. “Jelena,” he continued, “I want a life with you, whether you know who your father is or not. I want children with you. I never wish us to be separated, ever. Please tell me that you’ll marry me.”

He searched her eyes for an answer, and she gave it to him in the form of a long, deep kiss.

"So. This is the favor you would have from me. My son!”