Leslie Moore - Griffin's Daughter

The Festival of Sansa had always been about the celebration of fertility. With liquor freely flowing and sexual energy rampant, expectations were that there would be much merry-making of the carnal kind.

The girl sprawled on her back in a pile of straw, her skirt hiked up around her waist, legs in the air. The pale, naked buttocks of her lover pumped vigorously between her plump thighs. It was her cries, not of pain, but of pleasure, that Jelena had heard. The heat of embarrassment warmed Jelena’s cheeks as she hastily backed away, certain that the lovers were too far gone in the throes of their passion to have seen her.

Jelena was no innocent. Growing up in the insular world of the servants’ hall, where men and women spent most of their time living and working in close proximity, she had seen her fair share of couplings. However, at age eighteen, when most castle girls were already sexually active, Jelena was still a virgin. She had remained so partly because of her status as an outcast, but mostly by choice. No castle man, no matter how lowly his own status, would ever consider her anything more than an object upon which to relieve his sexual needs. Jelena had decided long ago that she would rather remain untouched for life than submit to the use of her body in such a demeaning way. She already endured enough debasement as it was.

Sometimes, while lost in the realm of dreams, Jelena met a faceless man who folded her into a lover’s embrace. The touch of his hands upon her body would awaken a fire within her so intense that she would start up from sleep, her entire being aflame with ecstasy. After the sensations had subsided, she sometimes cried, knowing that there was almost no chance of her ever experiencing such bliss in the real world.

Slowly, Jelena made her way back toward the room she shared with Claudia. Her foster mother was most likely still be down in the kitchen lending a hand, and wouldn’t be back until very late.

Their room stood empty, as Jelena had expected, but Claudia had left some burning charcoals on the grate to ward off the chill of the spring night. As the door shut behind her, all of the stress of the ordeal she had just endured drained from her body, leaving exhaustion in its wake. She put a splinter into the fire, and with its glowing tip, lit the little oil lamp next to her cot.

With a deep sigh, Jelena began to undress. Even without Claudia to help, she still managed to undo the laces at the back of the overdress and loosen them enough to pull the garment down off her shoulders, allowing it to fall in a heap at her feet. She gathered up the crisply rustling silk and laid the dress out on her cot.

She traced the delicate line of embroidery around the neckline with a fingertip, admiring the artistry of the work. Never again would she wear such a splendid gown, of that she was certain. After her embarrassingly abrupt exit, she imagined that there would be no more invitations forthcoming to any future feasts in the great hall.

It doesn’t matter anyway. As beautiful as this dress is, I’m still lower than dirt to them.

She stepped over to the small mirror nailed into the wall by the door and stood staring at the image reflected in its hazy surface. She pulled her mother’s circlet from her head and pushed back her mass of dark coils to reveal her ears.

Jelena had never seen a full-blooded elf, but all her life she had been told that they were beautiful, soulless creatures, completely vicious and amoral, incapable of any of the higher emotions like love and compassion. The priests always taught that the elves were the spawn of demons that had escaped from the Abyss to procreate on Earth with human women, many thousands of years ago. All manners of crimes, both high and low, were attributed to them. They soured fresh milk, caused miscarriages, brought the ague and the flux, stole human babies for their dark rites of magic-all because they were jealous of the souls of humanity. They knew that death meant oblivion for them, and that those of their race could never enter into the presence of the gods, and dwell in Paradise for all eternity.

Claudia had always told her that her mother had loved her father.

How could my mother fall in love with such a man, believing everything she’d always been told about elves? She must not have believed any of it at all. I’m living proof that none of it is true.

I’m sick to death of all of this. I’m leaving.

Jelena slipped out of the underdress, and gathering up the gown from her cot, she folded both garments and laid them in a neat pile atop her chest. She pulled the embroidered slippers from her feet and laid them, together with the silver circlet, in the center of the pile. The last thing to come off was Claudia’s necklace, which she laid in the center of her foster mother’s cot. Tomorrow, she would return the borrowed ensemble to Fania and the circlet to her uncle.

She felt so tired, she barely had the energy to pull on her nightgown and extinguish the lamp. She slipped into bed and pulled the rough blankets over herself with a heartfelt sigh. As she lay waiting for sleep to come, she wondered again just why she had been invited to the nobles’ feast, and why she had been seated next to Duke Sebasianus. The mere memory of the way he had looked at her was enough to send a shiver of fear coursing through her.

None of it mattered anymore. She had made up her mind. Amsara was a border duchy. Just north of the Janica River lay elven territory-the southeastern-most province of the Western Lands. Chances were good that her father or his family lived in the area. As soon as the spring rains stopped, she would leave Amsara for good. She would seek out the man who had sired her, and cast her lot with him. And if she could not find him… well, she would think about that when and if she had to. Life couldn’t possibly be any worse among the elves than it was among humans.

By the time Claudia returned in the wee hours of the morning, Jelena slept deeply, dreaming of a man she called Father and of pale, blue fire.

"Jelena! Jelena, wake up, girl. You’ve gone an’ overslept!” Jelena groaned and scrubbed her sleep-heavy eyes with closed fists. Blinking like a hapless mole torn from its burrow, she reluctantly crawled from her warm nest of blankets and groped under the bed for the chamber pot. Claudia stood in the center of the small room, fully clothed, hands on hips.

“ Must ‘ave been quite a time y’had at the feast. Too much wine, I reckon,” she said, a little smile playing about her lips.

Jelena shook her head. “No,” she replied, and her stomach knotted up with the pain of remembering. “I left early, actually.” She set the chamber pot by the door so she’d remember to empty it later, then went to her chest. She moved aside Thessalina’s gown, lifted the lid, and began pulling out her work clothes. No time for a wash, she thought ruefully.

“ Why, whatever didya leave early for? You looked so pretty in that gown… Surely you wanted t’ show off a bit?” Claudia’s surprise seemed to come from a genuine belief that, because she saw beauty in her foster daughter, others would as well.

Jelena laughed sharply. “No matter how fancy my gown or how pretty you think I look, I’ll never be accepted here, Heartmother. I could hardly wait to get away from all of them. Especially him.” Her hands began to shake.

“ Who d’you mean?” Claudia probed.

“ No one. I…I…uhhhhh!” She fumbled with the strings of her apron, unable to tie them properly. The terrible emotions of last night crowded in close around her, pawing and scratching. She suddenly felt like bony hands had fastened around her throat, cutting off her breath. The barrier she had erected to keep the pain at bay abruptly gave way and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing.