Виктор Пелевин - Buddha's Little Finger

‘And what comes next?’ I interrupted.

‘Next? What comes next? «And our captain quick of wit, heard my dream then read me it… Oi, your wild and woolly head you are bound to lose, he said.» The captain, like - well, that’s clear enough, that’s the way his lordship the baron writes about himself, he really is smart all right. And the bit about the head is clear enough, too - that’s straight out of the Oopsanyshags. I f the mind has worked itself up into such a lather that it don’t know where it’s going itself, it’s clear enough it’s done for. And there’s another meaning here, too, one as his lordship only whispered in my ear not long ago. The meaning is as all this human wisdom will have to be left behind here anyway, like. But that’s no cause for regretting, ‘cause all that don’t apply to the most important thing of all. That’s why the song don’t say that you’re done for, only your wild and woolly head. And that’s a gonner anyway.’

Ignat rested his chin thoughtfully on his hands and fell silent as he listened to the song.

“nd, oh, the bitter winds did roar From out the East so cold and heavy. And the yellow hat they tore From off my head so wild and woolly…”

I waited some time for his commentary, but it did not come, so I decided to break the silence myself.

‘I can understand the part about the winds from the East myself.’ I said, 'Ex orienta lux, as they say. But why does the hat get blown off?’

‘So as he won’t have any more attachments.’

‘But why is the cap yellow?’

‘That’s because we’re Gelugpa. So we have yellow hats. If we was Karmapa, they’d be red hats. And if we was Bonpo, like down on the Don, then they’d be black. But the reality behind them all is the same anyhow. If the head’s a gonner, then what’s it care what kind of hat it used to wear? Or if you looks at it from the other side - where freedom begins, colours don’t mean nothing no more.’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘the baron has certainly taught you well. But what exactly is that most important thing of all which starts after the wild and woolly head is gone?’

Ignat gave a deep sigh.

‘Ah, that’s the tricky bit.’ he said. ‘His lordship the baron asks that one every evening, and no one can answer him, no matter how they all try, D’you know what happens when one of the lads answers that one?’

‘How should I know?’

‘His lordship immediately transfers him to the Special Regiment of Tibetan Cossacks. That’s a very special kind of force, that is. The pride and joy, so to speak, of the entire Asian Cavalry Division, although if you think about it, a regiment like that doesn’t really belong in any cavalry division, because those who serve in it ride elephants, not horses.’ It occurred to me that the man before me was probably one of those natural-born liars who can momentarily invent a story of any degree of improbability, but who always adorn it with such an abundance of detail that they make you believe it, if only for a second.

‘How can you slash with your sabre from up on an elephant?’ I asked. ‘That would be most awkward.’

‘Awkward all right, but that’s the army for you.’ Ignat said, and he looked up at me. ‘Don’t you believe me, your lordship? Well, it doesn’t matter if you don’t. Until I answered his lordship the baron’s question, I didn’t believe it either. And now I don’t have to believe anything, because I know it all.’

‘So you answered that question, did you?’

Ignat nodded solemnly in reply.

‘That’s why I can walk around the steppe like a man, and not have to stick close by the camp-fires.’

‘And what did you say to the baron?’

‘What I said isn’t no use to you,’ said Ignat. ‘it’s not your mouth you have to answer with. Nor your head, neither.’

We said nothing for a long time; Ignat seemed to be sunk deep in thought. Suddenly he raised his head.

‘There’s his lordship the baron coming over. That means it’s time for us to say goodbye.’

I looked round and saw the tall thin figure of the baron approaching. Ignat rose to his feet; to be on the safe side I followed his example.

‘Well, then.’ the baron asked Ignat when he reached us, ‘are you ready?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Ignat replied, ‘I am.’

The baron stuck two fingers into his mouth and whistled like a street hooligan, following which something absolutely unexpected happened.

An enormous white elephant suddenly emerged from behind the low line of bushes behind us. It actually did appear tо emerge from behind the bushes, even though it was ten times their height, and I was entirely unable to explain how it

could have happened. It was not as though it was small when it appeared and then increased in size as it approached, nor did it emerge from behind some invisible wall that was aligned with the bushes. When it appeared the elephant was already quite incredibly huge - and yet it came from behind a tiny row of bushes behind which even a sheep would have

had difficulty in concealing itself.

I experienced the same feeling I had several minutes earlier

I felt as though I were on the verge of understanding something extremely important, that any moment now the levers and cables of the mechanism that was concealed behind the veil of reality and made everything move would become visible. But this feeling passed, and the enormous white elephant was still standing there in front of us.

It had six tusks, three on each side. I decided I must be hallucinating, but then realized that if what I was seeing was an hallucination, it was not very different in nature from everything else around me.

Ignat walked over to the elephant and scrambled briskly onto its back, climbing up the tusks as though they were a ladder. He acted as though he had spent his entire previous life doing nothing but ride round plateaux created by someone’s fantastic imagination on the backs of white elephants with six tusks. Turning towards the fire where the figures in khaki uniform and yellow hats were sitting, he waved, then struck the elephant’s sides with his heels. The elephant began to advance, taking a few steps forward - then I saw a blinding flash of light, and he disappeared. It was so very bright that for almost a minute I could see nothing at all except its yellow and purple imprint on my retina.

‘I forgot to warn you there would be a flash.’ said Jungern. ‘It’ actually very bad for the eyesight. In the Asian Cavalry Division we used to protect our eyes with a blindfold of black material.’

‘You mean such occurrences were common?’

‘They used to be,’ said the baron. ‘There was a time when it happened several times a day. At that rate you could easily go blind. These days the lads are getting a bit thin on the ground. Well, has it passed off? Can you see?’

I could just make out the forms of objects around me again.

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Would you like me to show you how it was before?’

‘But how do you intend to do that?’

Instead of replying the baron drew his sabre from its scabbard.

‘Watch the blade,’ he said.

I looked at the blade and saw a moving image on it, as though it were a cinema screen. It was a hill of sand, with a group of about ten officers standing on it; several were wearing normal military uniform, but two or three were in astrakhan hats and Cossack camouflage overalls with something that looked like cartridge-pouches instead of breast pockets. They were all wearing black blindfolds, and their heads were turned in the same direction. Suddenly I recognized Chapaev among them, despite the blindfold that concealed his eyes: he seemed a great deal younger and there were no grey hairs at his temples. With one hand he was pressing a small pair of field binoculars to the cloth over his eyes, and with the other he was slapping a riding-whip against his boot. It seemed to me that the figure in the Cossack uniform close to Chapaev was Baron Jungern, but I had no time for a good look at him because the blade turned over and the men on the hill disappeared. Now I could see the infinite and smooth surface of a desert. In the distance two silhouettes were moving against the bright sky; looking closer, I managed to discern the outlines of two elephants. They were too far away for me to be able to make out the riders, who were no more than tiny bumps on their backs. Suddenly the horizon was flooded with bright light, and when it faded, only one elephant remained. Back on the hill they applauded and immediately I saw a second flash. ‘Baron, at this rate I shall have no eyes left,’ I said, averting them from the blade. Jungern put the sabre away in its scabbard. ‘What is that yellow thing over there in the grass?’ I asked. ‘Or do I still have spots in front of my eyes.’