Trisha Ashley - Twelve Days of Christmas

He thought about it. ‘About forty or fifty? Everyone in the village and from the farms comes and they’ll eat at least two of them each, I would have thought. Mrs Jackson used to take a big, flat wicker basket of them down — I think it’s still hanging up in the scullery.’

‘Well, baking those should take up quite a big chunk of tomorrow,’ I commented, as we got to the lodge and he turned to leave me. It was quite dark in the last shadows cast by the pine trees, and the sun hadn’t finished thawing the crazy-paving path to the front door. This was a fact I only truly appreciated when I skidded on the half-frozen slush and came crashing down hard on my derrière. After the first moment of shock, it was really painful and brought a rush of tears to my eyes.

Jude scooped me up as if I weighed nothing and, taking the key from my hand, carried me into the lodge and deposited me on the sofa.

‘My bum’s soggy, I’ll make the sofa wet,’ I protested, getting straight back up again. ‘Ouch, that really jarred me all the way up my back!’

‘I hope you’re going to be all right,’ he said, looking at me with surprising anxiety. ‘I mean, you should be more careful in your condition and think about the baby, even if it is early days yet.’

‘Baby, what baby?’ I demanded blankly, staring at him wide-eyed and thinking he’d run mad. ‘What on earth are you talking about, Jude?’

‘Look, Holly, I saw that pregnancy and childcare book you got on Christmas Day, so I know you’re expecting.’

‘Oh — that !’

‘I suppose the father’s that Sam character you’ve mentioned a couple of times? And I expect it was another reason why you were so interested in finding out about your real grandfather — it takes a lot of pregnant women that way, I think. Does Michael know?’

‘Hello — did I hear my name?’ said Michael, putting his head round the door at this inauspicious moment. Then he saw us, inches apart and staring inimically at each other, and looked embarrassed.

‘How did you get here?’ I exclaimed.

‘I thought I ought to drive my car up and down the drive for ten minutes to charge the battery up,’ he explained, ‘and then the door of the lodge was wide open, which seemed a bit weird.’

‘Come right in,’ invited Jude, looking particularly grim, rather than his everyday version. ‘I was just asking Holly if you knew she was pregnant?’

‘I beg your pardon?’ Michael said.

‘Of course he doesn’t know, you halfwit — because there is no pregnancy,’ I snapped.

‘You’re not pregnant?’ Jude gave me a searching look. ‘But — why the book then?’

‘If it’s any of your business, which it isn’t, I’ve decided that this spring I’m going to try for a baby, using AI.’

‘AI?’

‘Artificial insemination.’

‘You couldn’t do it any other way?’ he asked incredulously. ‘What’s the matter with the men where you live?’

‘Of course I could, but I didn’t want to do it any other way!’

‘Won’t Michael oblige? After all, you two seem to be thick as thieves — that’s why I asked if you’d told him when I thought you were pregnant.’

‘Look, Jude,’ said Michael patiently. ‘Holly and I have become good friends, but that’s all there is to it — and all there ever will be. And I’ll tell you why: it’s because I’m gay. Holly already knows.’

‘You’re gay ?’

‘Yes, but I’m not officially out,’ he qualified, ‘only to close friends.’

‘But — you were married. You’ve got a little girl!’

‘That was a mistake.’

‘Right. . But then, why the secrecy?’

‘I’ve already explained to Holly: I’d feel weird doing male romantic leads with everyone knowing. I’ll come out officially when I’m past it.’

‘You’re gay ,’ Jude repeated. . And then one of those sudden smiles transformed his face. ‘That’s wonderful .’

‘Thank you for your support,’ Michael said dryly.

Jude’s smile turned into a wicked grin. ‘But poor Coco! Flogging a dead horse.’

‘Poor Michael , you mean!’ I said indignantly. ‘You and Guy threw him to the wolves all right.’

‘Sorry,’ he apologised, not sounding very.

‘That’s all right,’ said Michael. ‘Well, I’ll leave you two to it and go back to the car — I left the engine running. I can probably get out tomorrow,’ he added awkwardly.

‘Oh, stay as long as you like,’ Jude said expansively, his good humour restored.

‘I’ll hitch a lift back up to the house with you,’ I said quickly. ‘I just slipped on the ice and it’s painful. I’ll probably have some impressive bruises on my backside by morning.’

‘Okay,’ he said and Jude went off to the studio while I fetched the saffron and then carefully locked the door.

‘Phew, I feel so much safer now Jude knows my little secret,’ Michael admitted, turning the car and heading for home. ‘I thought he was going to spoil my good looks one of these days. Are you really going to try AI, Holly?’

‘Yes, I made up my mind to go it alone, before I came here,’ I explained. ‘I knew I wouldn’t ever find another man like Alan.’

‘Perhaps not, but you might find someone very different, if you looked. . like Jude,’ he suggested.

‘He’s certainly different all right, and he brings out the worst in me.’

‘You’re attracted to each other, that’s a start.’

‘That’s just a physical thing. . and anyway, even if it wasn’t, I think our family relationship is too close for anything else.’

‘Right. . well.’ He gave me another charming sideways smile. ‘In that case, there’s always me if you want a volunteer donor that you actually know — and I can tell you from my daughter, I make very nice babies! Only for God’s sake don’t tell Jude I volunteered!’

‘That’s really sweet of you,’ I said, touched. ‘I’ll bear it in mind.’

Gran’s journal slowly peters out soon after the baby — my mother — arrived, but I expect she found other things to occupy her time with and was too busy. I knew she’d been a very active minister’s wife.

I was still quite stiff and sore from my fall and my bum was probably black and blue — but also maybe green, from the liniment Becca gave me to put on after a long, hot soak in the bath. She said she swore by it, so I gave it a go even though it smelt very odd and I suspected it was designed for horses. It certainly seemed to take a lot of the soreness out. I ought to try it on my fetlocks after a hard day in the kitchen!

I wasn’t quite so quick off the mark as usual going downstairs and I knew Jude had beaten me to it, because I heard him down in the courtyard as I was getting dressed. He’d cleaned out the sitting-room fire, too, when I checked. . and there was just one small, tantalising corner of the jigsaw left to do. Before I knew it, the pieces were snapped into place, and the Victorian Christmas scene complete.

I’d put saffron in water to steep overnight for the Revel Cakes, and the liquid was a beautiful golden yellow. When I’d made myself a cup of coffee, I got out the biggest mixing bowl, a vast affair with a blue-glazed inside, and made the dough. Kneading it energetically for ten minutes released quite a bit of bottled-up emotion and was probably very therapeutic. Jude came back in while I was pummelling and looked at me with some surprise.