Kristina Springer: The Espressologist

"I have Mace!" I scream, bracing myself for a confrontation with a mugger.

"Good. You should always be safe when you are walking alone at night," Cam says in a calm voice.

"Oh, my god, Cam, you scared the crap out of me.

And I don't really have Mace."

"Whew." He fake wipes his brow. "What happened back there?"

I pull my arms tightly around me, shivering from the cold. "Nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing," Cam says. "Everyone is wondering where you went."

"I can't go back." I shake my head as a fresh tear rolls slowly down my right cheek.

"Jane," Cam murmurs, "you can tell me. What's wrong?" He puts his right arm around me and I can feel myself weakening.

"It's just... you know I hate Melissa, right?"

"Yeah, I remember she was really evil to you that day we were studying."

"Well, Will was supposed to be, I mean, I was going to match Will–" I start to cry harder.

"Don't cry, Jane." Cam pushes my hair, wet with tears, away from my face.

We are standing really close to each other. I cry for a few more seconds.

"What about Will?" Cam asks when I'm down to a sniffle. "I was going to match Will with me tonight," I say finally. "With you?" Cam looks shocked. I nod. "But why?" I look down at the ground and mumble, "Because he's perfect."

"Perfect for you?" Cam asks. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," I say, and another tear escapes. Were both silent for a few minutes. Another train goes thundering by overhead. My lips are shivering hard now and my arms are shaking. Cam slips off his jacket, wraps it around me, and turns me toward him.

"I know that right now it doesn't seem like it," he says, "but Will is not the perfect guy for you."

"Yes, he is," I argue.

"No, he's not," he retorts.

"Well, if you know so much"–I look him straight in the eye–"then who is?" Suddenly, before I can even comprehend it, Cam is kissing me. He has both hands behind my neck, fingers in my hair, and he is giving me a warm, slow, gingery-tasting kiss. And it is good. I mean REALLY good. I don't think I've ever been kissed like this.

My toes feel warm, and not just from the run in high-heeled boots. And though I thought I'd be kissing Will and not Cam tonight, I close my eyes and just enjoy the kiss for however long it is going to last.

A few moments later Cam pulls back and my lips get cold again. He still has his hands behind my neck, but I can sense that he has pulled a few inches away. I open my eyes and stare at him, not sure what to say next. He apparently doesn't know what to say either. Well, one of us has to talk.

"Cam, I–" I begin, and then stop, stiffening as my body is filled with horror. I'm staring over Cam's right shoulder.

"What? What's wrong?" he says with concern. He slowly turns to see what, or in this case whom, I'm looking at. Em.

Cam's hands drop from my neck like I'm on fire and we both stare at her. Em is standing maybe twenty or thirty feet away, holding my jacket. She stands there for another second or two and then throws my jacket on the ground and runs back in the direction of the store.

"I have to go after her," I tell Cam.

"No, let me," he says.

"No, she's my best friend. I have to do it." I run in the same direction as Em.

I was never one for school sports, but experience on the cross-country team would really come in handy about now. I can't find Em anywhere. Did she slip behind a building? Did she duck into one of the stores? Did she turn down a different block? I don't know how she got away from me, but she did. I've looked down each block on the way back to Wired Joe's, and nothing. I'll have to peek in and see if she is there. I doubt she'll stay at work tonight, but she does have to get her things. I don't want to go back to work; I don't want to face all those people again tonight, but what choice do I have? I have to find Em.

At Wired Joe's, I peek through the glass, looking for any sign of Em. I am instantly relieved to see that the Gabby Girlz and their crew have packed up and left. I feel a little pang of guilt at the line of people still waiting for me to come back and match them. Yikes.

Brenda, Sarah, and the Macchiato Maniac are working behind the counter. Mom and Dad are sitting on a cushy red velvet loveseat drinking cappuccinos. And Katie is standing near the condiment bar, flicking sugar packets against her thumb. I don't see Ava. Maybe she's in back consoling Em. I tap at the glass, trying to get Katie's attention so I can ask her if she's seen Em.

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap.

"Jane!" Derek booms from behind me.

"Ahhh!" I jump a foot off the ground. "Derek, why are you always sneaking up on me?"

"What are you doing outside? Right in the middle of an Espressology night?" he yells, both hands on his hips. He totally looks like my mom when she's pissed at me.

"I ... I needed some air," I say.

"You couldn't wait five minutes to get some air? You couldn't wait until they wrapped up the Gabby Girlz interview first?"

"Yeah. I really needed it."

"Well, if you are done getting your air, you need to get right back inside and finish helping that long line of people. You left us all waiting on you, Jane."

"Wait," I say. "Have you seen Em? I have to find Em first."

"No, she took off, too. What is with you girls tonight?

Why is everyone taking off when they are supposed to be working?"

"Derek, I have to go after her," I say, giving him a pleading look. "You don't understand, I really, really have to find her."

"And you can. After ten, when you are done working.

Right now you have to get back in there and matchmake."

"But, Derek–"

"No. There is nothing you can say. Now get in there."

Everyone claps and cheers for me again, but this time I can't even muster up a smile. All I can think about is Em and how much she must hate me right now.

On Wednesday afternoon, I'm lying on the couch in my living room watching Dr. Phil He's yelling at some chubby woman in an ill-fitting light green suit, telling her in his heavy Texan accent, "When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences." He might as well be talking to me. I chose the behavior (well, really Cam did, when he kissed me, but I didn't exactly push him off me or anything) and now I have to live with the consequences of Em never talking to me again and losing my very best friend in the whole world.

I don't know how I got through the rest of Friday night. I know I talked to people and got down their information for future matches, but I didn't do any more on-the-spot matches that night–much to the disappointment of that cute army guy who stuck around until closing. I just couldn't stop thinking about Em. And I tried calling her over and over again every chance I got, but she wouldn't pick up my calls. I've tried texting her, IMing her ... heck, I even went to her apartment on Sunday to try to talk to her, but her mom said Em was too sick to have company. I've felt so terrible ever since she saw Cam and me kissing. I called in sick to work on Sunday and Tuesday. I haven't been able to eat a thing either.

Except for Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream. Two pints since Friday. I feel just wretched. And now Dr. Phil is yelling at me through the television.

Cam has been calling me, too. Twice anyway. I told my mom to take messages, though. What am I supposed to say to him at this point? And that kiss! That totally great kiss– what did it mean? He can't like me and I can't like him, right? He's with Em. How way way wrong would that be for me to hook up with her boyfriend? Of course that is what she thinks right now, but if she would let me I would totally explain that it was just a ... a ... I don't know what it was. Argh!