Junot Díaz - The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

He held out the pages he’d written. I have so much to talk to you about—

Me and—are getting married, she said curtly.

Ybón, he said, trying to form the words, but she was already gone.

Se acabó. His mother and his abuela and his tío delivered the ultimatum and that was that. Oscar didn’t look at the ocean or the scenery as they drove to the airport. He was trying to decipher something he’d written the night before, mouthing the words slowly. It’s beautiful today, Clives remarked. He looked up with tears in his eyes. Yes, it is.

On the flight over he sat between his tío and his moms. Jesus, Oscar, Rudolfo said nervously. You look like they put a shirt on a turd.

His sister met them at JFK and when she saw his face she cried and didn’t stop even when she got back to my apartment. You should see Mister, she sobbed. They tried to kill him.

What the fuck, Oscar, I said on the phone. I leave you alone for a couple days and you almost get yourself slabbed? His voice sounded muffled. I kissed a girl, Yunior. I finally kissed a girl.

But, O, you almost got yourself killed.

It wasn’t completely egregious, he said. I still had a few hit points left.

But then, two days later, I saw his face and was like: Holy shit, Oscar. Holy fucking shit.

He shook his head. Bigger game afoot than my appearances.

He wrote out the word for me: fukú .

Travel light. She extended her arms to embrace her house, maybe the whole world.

He returned home. He lay in bed, he healed. His mother so infuriated she wouldn’t look at him.

He was a complete and utter wreck. Knew he loved her like he’d never loved anyone. Knew what he should be doing making like a Lola and flying back. Fuck the capitán. Fuck Grundy and Grod. Fuck everybody. Easy to say in the rational day but at night his balls turned to ice water and ran down his fucking legs like piss. Dreamed again and again of the cane, the terrible cane, except now it wasn’t him at the receiving end of the beating, but his sister, his mother, heard them shrieking, begging for them to stop, please God stop , but instead of racing toward the voices, he ran away! Woke up screaming. Not me. Not me .

He watched Virus for the thousandth time and for the thousandth time teared up when the Japanese scientist finally reached Tierra del Fuego and the love of his life. He read The Lord of the Rings for what I’m estimating the millionth time, one of his greatest loves and greatest comforts since he’d first discovered it, back when he was nine and lost and lonely and his favorite librarian had said, Here, try this, and with one suggestion changed his life. Got through almost the whole trilogy, but then the line ‘and out of Far Harad black men like half-trolls’ and he had to stop, his head and heart hurting too much.

Six weeks after the Colossal Beat down he dreamed about the cane again. But instead of bolting when the cries began, when the bones started breaking, he summoned all the courage he ever had, would ever have, and forced himself to do the one thing he did not want to do, that he could not bear to do.

He listened.

This happened in January. Me and Lola were living up in the Heights, separate apartments—this was before the whitekids started their invasion, when you could walk the entire length of Upper Manhattan and see not a single yoga mat. Me and Lola weren’t doing that great. Plenty I could tell you, but that’s neither here nor there. All you need to know is that if we talked once a week we were lucky, even though we were nominally boyfriend and girlfriend. All my fault, of course. Couldn’t keep my rabo in my pants, even though she was the most beautiful fucking girl in the world.

Anyway, I was home that week, no call from the temp agency, when Oscar buzzed me from the street. Hadn’t seen his ass in weeks, since the first days of his return. Jesus, Oscar, I said. Come up, come up. I waited for him in the hall and when he stepped out of the elevator I put the mitts on him. How are you, bro? I’m copacetic, he said. We sat down and I broke up a dutch while he filled me in. I’m going back to Don Bosco soon.

Word? I said. Word, he said. His face was still fucked up, the left side a little droopy.

You wanna smoke?

I might partake. Just a little, though. I would not want to cloud my faculties.

That last day on our couch he looked like a man at peace with himself. A little distracted but at peace. I would tell Lola that night that it was because he’d finally decided to live, but the truth would turn out to be a little more complicated. You should have seen him. He was so thin, had lost all the weight and was still, still.

What had he been doing? Writing, of course, and reading. Also getting ready to move from Paterson. Wanting to put the past behind him, start a new life. Was trying to decide what he would take with him. Was allowing himself only ten of his books, the core of his canon (his words), was trying to pare it all down to what was necessary. Only what I can carry. It seemed like another odd Oscar thing, until later we would realize it wasn’t.

And then after an inhale he said: Please forgive me, Yunior, but I’m here with an ulterior motive. I wish to know if you could do me a favor.

Anything, bro. Just ask it.

He needed money for his security deposit, had a line on an apartment in Brooklyn. I should have thought about it—Oscar never asked anybody for money—but I didn’t, fell over myself to give it to him. My guilty conscience.

We smoked the dutch and talked about the problems me and Lola were having. You should never have had carnal relations with that Paraguayan girl, he pointed out. I know, I said, I know.

She loves you.

I know that.

Why do you cheat on her, then?

If I knew that, it wouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe you should try to find out.

He stood up.

You ain’t going to wait for Lola?

I must be away to Paterson. I have a date.

You’re shitting me?

He shook his head, the tricky fuck.

I asked: Is she beautiful?

He smiled. She is.

On Saturday he was gone.

The last time he flew to Santo Domingo he’d been startled when the applause broke out, but this time he was prepared, and when the plane landed he clapped until his hands stung.

As soon as he hit the airport exit he called Clives and homeboy picked him up an hour later, found him surrounded by taxistas who were trying to pull him into their cabs. Cristiano, Clives said, what are you doing here?

It’s the Ancient Powers, Oscar said grimly. They won’t leave me alone.

They parked in front of her house and waited almost seven hours before she returned. Clives tried to talk him out of it but he wouldn’t listen. Then she pulled up in the Pathfinder. She looked thinner. His heart seized like a bad leg and for a moment he thought about letting the whole thing go, about returning to Bosco and getting on with his miserable life, but then she stooped over, as if the whole world was watching, and that settled it. He winched down the window. Ybón, he said. She stopped, shaded her eyes, and then recognized him. She said his name too. Oscar . He popped the door and walked over to where she was standing and embraced her.

Her first words? Mi amor, you have to leave right now.

In the middle of the street he told her how it was. He told her that he was in love with her and that he’d been hurt but now he was all right and if he could just have a week alone with her, one short week, then everything would be fine in him and he would be able to face what he had to face and she said I don’t understand and so he said it again, that he loved her more than the Universe and it wasn’t something that he could shake so please come away with me for a little while, lend me your strength and then it would be over if she wanted.