Iris Murdoch - Bruno’s Dream

Danby darted to the cemetery gate and shot through it. Lisa, who had just passed close by the railings, was waiting to cross the road. She turned, frowning, a little dazzled by the sun, as Danby blundered up to her.

”Oh, excuse me-“

”Oh, hello.”

As she turned back from the roadway and looked full at him Danby felt a crushing constriction about the heart and a sort of black explosion. “I er I saw you and I wanted to, just a word, if you can spare a moment-“

”Certainly. Are things all right? Bruno no worse I hope?”

”Bruno-no-just the same. Well, he’s missing you aw fully-“

”He knows I’ll come tomorrow?”

”Yes, yes.”

”You see, I couldn’t always come, sometimes there are meetings and things-and it’s better not to have too rigid a pattern.”

”I quite understand-“

”What was it you wanted?”

”It’s, well, about Bruno, about seeing him, could you-Look, could you just come into the cemetery for a moment, there’s such a crowd here.”

Danby touched the sleeve of her coat. It was the same brown mackintosh but he could not now have closed his fingers to grip it. He turned into the gate of the cemetery and felt her moving just behind him. Once inside he walked a little way towards one of the side alleys and stopped under a lime tree beside a tall square lichen-freckled tomb with an urn on top of it.

Lisa joined him and reached out a hand to the tomb. Her fingers moved upon its crumbling surface. He saw the long hand with the clear half moons as Bruno had said, so like.

”I hope I don’t overtire Bruno?”

”No, you’re doing him so much good.”

”When people talk from the heart they sometimes regret it later.”

”You’re just what Bruno needs. He’s been longing to get all that stuff off his chest.”

”We’ll soon get on to talking about ordinary things. It’s just a matter of transition.”

”You’re so wonderful at controlling him! You can make him talk about anything.”

”Well, if he says all these things to me perhaps he won’t feel he’s got to say them to Miles!” She was pushing back the yellow scarf and hauling her hair out again. She looked tired.

”You look tired.”

”I’m all right. Look, about Miles seeing Bruno-“

”Had a hard day?”

”Much as usual. Miles says he’ll go again on Sunday, if you think Bruno’s really ready for him.”

”You’ll come too, won’t you?”

”Maybe-“

”If you bring Miles into the room it might help.”

”It might. I’ll think about that. Would the same time on Sun day morning do for Miles?”

”Yes, that’s fine.”

”Good. Well, if that’s all I’ll be getting along.”

”Oh er wait just a minute, Lisa, would you-“

She had moved away and now turned again attentive. Behind her were graves of children, tiny pathetic stones half lost in the meadowy vegetation. The silent sleepers made a dome of quietness. The traffic and the people were elsewhere.

Danby stumbled into the long wet grass, getting in between her and the gateway. He almost held out his hands to prevent her from going away.

”What is it?”

”You will come tomorrow, won’t you?”

”Yes, of course. I said so.”

”You don’t mind my calling you Lisa?”

”No, of course not.”

She was staring at him in that terribly attentive way, her mouth pouting a little, her eyes narrowed against the sun.

”Lisa, when you come to see Bruno tomorrow could you stay on with me afterwards, I mean have a drink or something?”

”Was there something special you wanted to discuss?”

”No, yes, that is-“

”About Miles and Bruno?”

”No, not really. I’m sorry, it’s hard to explain-“

11 Is Bruno suddenly much worse?”

”No, no, Bruno’s fine.”

”Then what did you want to talk about?”

”Oh nothing special you see, I just wondered-I mean perhaps we could have a drink, perhaps we could have lunch-Would you have lunch with me tomorrow?” She smiled. “You don’t have to be so grateful. I like coming to see Bruno. You don’t have to invite me to lunch.”

Danby groaned. His feet seemed to be getting tangled together in the grass. “You don’t understand-it’s nothing to do with Bruno-it’s about me-“

”How do you mean?”

”I’m in a difficulty-“

”Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

”You’ll think me a bit mad-“

Lisa was frowning and looking down, fumbling at the buttons of her mackintosh. She took a step away and a step to the side, glancing towards the gateway. “I really would rather not discuss with you anything about my sister.”

”Oh God-“

”I really don’t regard-anything like that-as my business. So if you’ll excuse me-“

”It’s not about your sister. Oh Christ!”

”Well, then I don’t understand you. And anyway I must be going.”

”Lisa, will you lunch with me tomorrow?”

”I’m always busy at lunchtime.”

”Lisa, don’t you understand, I just want to see you.”

”I doubt if I can help you with any of your problems.”

”It’s not that. You’ll stay, after Bruno, tomorrow, talk to me-?”

”I don’t quite see the point.” She was staring at him now in a hostile way, pulling up the collar of her mackintosh like a brown crest.

”There may not be any point for you. But for me-“

”I must be going.”

”Please see me, please-“ He spread out his hands in appeal and to bar her in from the gate.

”I don’t know what’s going on between you and my sister and I assure you I don’t want to know. Now get out of the way, please.”

”You mustn’t think I’m-It’s not like that-With Diana it was just-nothing much-nothing-“

”Well, I don’t want to discuss your nothings. I must be going home.”

”Please, Lisa, just consider seeing me, I’ll write to you, don’t be so cruel-“

”I’m not being cruel. I see no point in this sort of discussion. You seem to me to take a very peculiar view-“

”I haven’t explained properly. Let me explain. Let’s meet more and talk, please-“

”I’m a very busy person and I have a life of my own as I’m sure you have too. Now will you get out of the way.”

”I can’t let you go like this, I’ll write, you will come tomorrow, won’t you-?” Danby contorted himself in front of her and then stretched out a hand which brushed the sleeve of her coat as she stepped quickly into the long grass to get past him. “Lisa!”

She was hurrying towards the gate. In another moment she was outside and had disappeared into the steadily moving crowd. Danby looked after her for a moment. Then he turned back and began to walk slowly away down the long avenue of tombstones.

Miles Greensleave, returning from the office, stopped abruptly in the Old Brompton Road as he saw in a shaft of sunlight Lisa and Danby Odell deep in conversation inside the railings of the cemetery.

Behind the railings in the green shaded meadowy expanse with its distant vista of pillars in the rainy sunlight the two figures looked large, clear, significant. There was something too about their attitudes, their intentness, which suggested a great seriousness, something at issue. Miles felt a sense of disagreeable shock, as if of fear. He stopped and watched. As he watched Danby suddenly threw out his hands in a theatrical gesture as if he were trying to prevent Lisa from passing him. Miles looked on with amazement. Still keeping them in view, he began to walk quickly along in the direction of the gate. But before he reached it he saw Lisa dart past Danby, who appeared to be making a sort of lunge at her, and emerge onto the pavement. She dodged between the passersby and had crossed the road before Miles could catch up with her.