Iris Murdoch - The Sea, the Sea

James was smiling, with the calm inane self-satisfied smile which he sometimes put on. He was carrying a suitcase. I could see his Bentley on the road parked next to Gilbert’s Volkswagen.

‘James! What on earth are you doing here!’

‘Have you forgotten? It’s Whit weekend. You invited me.’

‘You invited yourself. And of course I’ve forgotten.’

‘Do you want me to go away?’

‘No-no-come in-for a moment anyway.’

I felt confused, exasperated, profoundly startled. My cousin was always an unnerving portent. His presence in the house would change everything, even the kettle. I could not tolerate or manage James here, I could not continue to run my life with him upon the scene.

He walked in and put down his suitcase, looking around him with curiosity. ‘I like your situation. And that bay with the spherical boulders is quite extraordinary. I came by the coast road of course.’

‘Of course.’

‘That huge rock out in the sea covered with guillemots-you know where I mean?’

‘No.’

‘Haven’t you seen it? It’s-Well, never mind. I see there’s a martello tower. Does that belong to you too?’

‘Yes.’

‘I see the point of this place. What’s the date of the house?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, nineteen hundred, earlier, later. Oh God.’

‘What’s the matter? Look, I’m sorry, I ought to have written to warn you. I tried to ring up but I gather you’re not on the ’phone. I don’t have to stay here, I passed quite a nice-looking hotel a mile or two back-Are you all right, Charles?’

‘Come into the kitchen.’

Because of the weird light it was rather dark in the kitchen. Just as we entered, Gilbert and Titus came in from outside, the strange silent midsummer lightning signalling behind them.

Introductions were inescapable. ‘Oh hello. This is my cousin James who’s just dropped by. Gilbert Opian. And this is a young friend of mine, Titus. There’s no one else here, this is our complement. ’ As I said this I laid my finger as if by accident upon my lips. I hoped it was not too dark for them to see.

‘Titus,’ said James, ‘so you’ve come, good.’

‘What do you mean?’ I said to James. ‘You don’t know him, do you?’

I saw that Titus was staring at James almost as if he recognized him.

‘No, but you mentioned his name to me-remember?’

‘Oh yes-Well, have a drink, James? Before you go.’

‘Thanks, anything. That white wine that’s open.’

‘We drink it with blackcurrant,’ said Titus.

‘Are you his maternal cousin or his paternal cousin?’ asked Gilbert, who liked to get such things straight.

‘Our fathers were brothers.’

‘Charles always pretends to have no family. He’s so secretive.’

Gilbert, affably rolling his eyes, poured out four glasses of wine. He seemed to have lost some weight climbing about on the rocks in his new plimsolls. He looked younger and more relaxed. Titus added the dash of blackcurrant. He was smiling. It was clear that both of them were glad of this diversion, glad to have another person, an untainted outsider, present to talk to, to dilute the atmosphere; glad too perhaps to have an extra fighting man.

‘Yes, you’ve got a very odd and interesting house,’ said James.

‘You don’t feel any bad vibrations?’

James looked at me. ‘Who owned it before?’

‘A Mrs Chorney. I don’t know anything about her.’

‘Can you see the sea from the upper windows?’

‘Yes, but the view’s better from the rocks. I’ll show you if you can spare a minute. What sort of shoes have you got on? It’s a great place for breaking your ankle.’

I wanted to get James out of the house. I hustled him quickly out onto the grass and he followed me a short way over the rocks until we could sit on a warm summit with the sea view. The sea had now changed colour and was a slightly greyish glittering pale azure, crepitating with little movements.

‘How stuffy it is. James, I hope you don’t mind going to that hotel, it’s called the Raven Hotel, and it’s got a lovely outlook over that bay you liked. And you could drive down the coast and look at those seagulls and things. The fact is, I can’t have you because there isn’t another bed. We’re full up. As it is, Titus is sleeping on the floor.’

‘I quite understand the situation.’

You don’t, old cock, thank God, I thought. And I thought, in a minute I’ll take him back to his car.

I looked at my cousin, now vividly revealed in the bright dark light which delineated everything with a fearful clarity. James had carried his glass of wine with him over the rocks and was sipping it with a maddening air of contented repose, looking out over the sea. He was wearing lightweight black trousers with an open-necked mauve shirt and a white summer jacket. He was a careless dresser but could be foppish in his own way. His hawk-nosed face was dark with the irrepressible beard and with the curious cloud, perhaps the effect of his obscure brown eyes, which always seemed to hang over it. His brown hair was jaggedly untidy.

I suddenly thought, if he’s no longer in the army, why does he have to come and see me at a holiday weekend when the roads are full of traffic?

‘Are you doing anything?’ I said. ‘I mean, have you got another job or anything?’

‘No, gentleman of leisure.’

That was odd. It then came to me in a flash that of course James had not really left the army at all. He had gone underground. He was preparing for some top-secret mission, perhaps involving a return to Tibet. Why had he seemed so annoyed that I had seen that strange oriental figure in his rooms? My cousin had become a secret agent!

I was trying to think of some subtle tactful way of letting him know that I had guessed when he spoke again.

‘And what has happened about Mary Hartley Smith?’

‘Mary Hartley Smith?’

‘Yes. Your first love. You told me she was living here with her husband. That boy is her son. I asked you his name. Titus. Have you forgotten that too?’

The strange thing was that I had forgotten, I had completely forgotten telling James that story. Why had James wanted to know Titus’s name? ‘I must be mad,’ I said, ‘I had forgotten, but I remember now. You gave me some good advice.’

‘Did you take it?’

‘Yes. You were right of course. I was just imagining things. The shock of seeing her set off a lot of old memories. I’ve recovered now and of course I’m not in love with her, it wouldn’t make sense. Anyway she’s just a boring old hag now. The boy drops in occasionally. He’s a bit of a bore too.’

‘I see. So all’s well that ends well.’

‘Have you got a tie?’

‘A tie? Yes.’

‘You’ll need one to get into the dining room at the Raven Hotel. I’ll just see you to your car.’

I escorted him round by the side of the house so as to avoid further conversation in the kitchen.

‘Nice car. New one?’

‘Yes, it goes well. Where can I turn?’

‘Just beyond that rock. How dark it is. You almost need headlights. ’

‘Yes, it’s a funny day. Looks like a storm. Well, thanks for the drink, look after yourself.’ He handed me his empty wine glass.

‘Goodbye, drive carefully.’

The black Bentley moved, swung round, then shot off down the road. James waved, vanished round the corner. Would he come back? I did not think so.

I walked slowly across the causeway and into the house and shut the door. How odd that I had forgotten telling him those things. I must have been drunk. Well, tomorrow was destiny day. I was going to act tomorrow. I thought, I will take Hartley to London. This place is bedevilled somehow.

I stood in the hall for a while. I wanted to be by myself. I put Jame’s wine glass down on the stairs. I could hear the low conspiratorial voices of Gilbert and Titus who were talking in the kitchen. Tomorrow I would speak to Titus. Titus and Hartley and I would be alone together, in another place. My act, my will would create a new family.