Douglas Kennedy - The Pursuit of Happiness

'"" My benefit!" I said, a little too loudly. "Now that's a good one.

'"All we're trying to do here," Frankel said, "is to help you avoid a potentially damaging situation."

'"Oh, so we're all friends here?" I said, looking straight at Bert Schmidt. "Well, golly gosh gosh, I never knew I had so many friends in high places..."

'"This is pointless," Ross said to his fellow inquisitors. At which point Schmidt tried to play good cop.

'"Eric, please - try to cooperate here."

'"All right, all right," I said. "Fire away."

'Agent Sweet turned back to the file. "As I said, Mr Smythe, we have evidence here that refutes your last statement. According to our records, you joined the Communist Party in March of nineteen thirty-six, and were a member of its New York cell for five years, resigning only in nineteen forty-one."

'"Okay, I confess. For a short period of my life, just after I left college, I was a member of the Party. But that was ten long years ago..."

'"Why did you just lie to me about this past affiliation?" Agent Sweet asked me.

'"Would you want to admit to such a dumb old allegiance?"

'"Of course not - but if asked by a federal officer of the United States Government, I'd tell the truth. A mistake is a mistake. But a mistake can only be rectified if you own up to it, and try to put the matter right."

'"As I just told you, I quit the Party over a decade ago."

'The other lawyer, Golden, came in here, trying to sound friendly.

'"What made you leave the Party, Eric?"

'"I'd lost faith in the doctrines they were pushing. I thought they were ideologically wrong about a lot of things. And I also began to believe the rumors that were being spread about Stalin's repressive policies in Russia."

'"So," said the ever-helpful Counselor Golden, "you realized Communism was wrong."

'He didn't pose that sentence as a question - rather, as a statement. Bert Schmidt shot me this pleading, don't be stupid here look. I said, "That's right. I decided Communism was wrong. And evil."

'That was certainly the right answer - because immediately everyone at the table relaxed a little bit, though Ross himself looked disappointed that I had suddenly stopped playing the hostile witness. No doubt he would have really enjoyed shining a bright lamp in my face and hitting me over the head with a phone book in an attempt to dredge the truth from me. Instead, everyone became sweetness and light. For a moment or two, anyway.

'"Given your admirable change of heart on the matter of Communism," Agent Sweet said, "would you call yourself a patriotic American?"

'I was also expecting this dumb question. And I knew I'd have to lie. So I assured Agent Sweet - and everyone else at the table - that I loved my country more than life itself, or some such crap. Sweet seemed pleased with my response.

'"Then you'd be willing to cooperate?" he asked me.

'"Cooperate? What do you mean by cooperate?"

'"I mean, helping us infiltrate the Communist network that is threatening the fundamental stability of the United States."

'"I wasn't aware of such a threat," I said.

'"Believe me, Mr Smythe," Agent Sweet said, "it is there and very formidable. But with the cooperation of former Party members like yourself, we can burrow deep into the heart of the Party and root out the real ringleaders."

'I tell you, S - at that precise moment, I almost lost it completely. I wanted to tell Agent Sweet that he sounded like one of the Hardy Boys, on the trail of the Big Bad Commies. Help us infiltrate the Communist network that is threatening the fundamental stability of the United States. Can you believe such garbage? As if there was ever a Communist network in this country to begin with.

'I tried to sound logical. "Listen, Mr Sweet - back in the nineteen thirties, a lot of people joined the Party because it was the thing to do at the time. It was a fad, like the hoola-hoop."

'Ross loved that comment: "You dare to equate an evil doctrine like Communism with something as benign as a hoola-hoop?"

'"My point, Mr Ross, is that I was a naive kid just out of Columbia who bought into the whole Rights-of-Man, equal-distribution-of-wealth clap-trap that the Party peddled. But, when you get right down to it, the real reason I joined was because it was the thing to do. I was working in the Federal Theater Project..."

'"A hotbed of subversive activity," Ross said, cutting me off.

'"Mr Ross, when the hell have a bunch of actors and directors ever threatened the fundamental stability of any regime anywhere?"

'"Oh!" said Ross triumphantly. "You consider the US government to be a regime, do you?"

'"That's not what I was saying..."

'"A truly patriotic American would know that the Founding Fathers gave us the most democratic system of government this planet has ever seen."

'"I've read The Federalist Papers, Mr Ross. I fully understand the separation-of-powers doctrine, as hammered out by Hamilton, Madison and all those other enlightened men... who, quite frankly, would be appalled to see a citizen of this country being interrogated about his allegiance to the flag..."

'"This is not an interrogation," Ross barked, banging his fist on the table. Once again, Frankel put a steadying hand on his arm. Then he said, "Eric, I think all that Agent Sweet - and everyone here - is trying to establish is whether or not you are still tied to the Party."

'"Doesn't that big file of mine show that I quit over ten years ago?'

'"Indeed, it does," Sweet said. "But who's to say that your resignation from the Party wasn't a sham? For all we know, you could still be one of their covert operatives, masquerading as a former Communist..."

'"You're not being serious, are you?" I said.

'"Mr Smythe, the FBI is always serious. Especially when it comes to matters of national security."

'"I've said it once, I'll say it again: I quit the Party in nineteen forty-one. I've had no further associations with the Party. I don't like the goddamn Party, and I now rue the day I joined it. For God's sake, I'm just one of Marty Manning's writers. Since when has a gag man been considered a threat to national security?"

'"Mr Smythe," Agent Sweet said, "our files indicate that, over the past ten years, you have consorted with many Communists." Then he began to list a whole bunch of names - mainly other writers, with whom I had, at best, a passing professional connection. I tried to explain that, like me, most of the guys were of the generation which joined the Party. Do you know what Sweet said?

'"My brother's from your generation, and he didn't join the Party."

'Once again, I stopped myself from saying something like: "That's because your brother was probably a Midwest hick, and not some over-educated East Coast writer who was stupid enough to read Marx and buy into his Workers of the World Unite garbage." Instead, I attempted, yet again, to explain that I had made a youthful mistake, for which I was now deeply sorry. Yet again, Golden tried to lead me out of trouble.

'"Eric, I know that everyone at this table is very pleased to hear your admission of error. Like Agent Sweet said, we all make mistakes - especially when we're young. And though I personally believe you when you say that you've had no contact with the Party since nineteen forty-one, I'm sure that you can appreciate the fact that some further proof of your complete disengagement from the Party is necessary."

'I knew what was coming next - though I was still hoping against hope that I could somehow manage to dodge the question they were about to put to me.

'"Quite simply," Golden said, "all Agent Sweet needs to know are the names of the people who brought you into the Party, and those individuals who are still active Party members today."

'"And," Agent Sweet added, "by naming these names, you will not only be demonstrating your complete lack of affiliation with present Communist activity... you will also be confirming your patriotism."