Sara Alexi - The Illegal Gardener

At home, the kittens are everywhere, one on each of the director’s chairs outside, two on the sofa. The mother on one of the kitchen chairs and Aaman curled up on Aaman’s bed. Appropriate.

Juliet takes up one of the sofa kittens, the stripy one. It droops boneless, and she plops it on her knee and picks up the phone. Thomas sounds happy, but he is talking very quietly, he has a hangover.

“Ah, celebrating, but not just any old common or garden celebration. A very special celebration, I was going to call you today.”

“Sounds interesting. Another promotion? Finally learnt your seven times tables? Bought a new tie?”

“Ha ha, Mother dearest. Now, are you ready for this? I asked Cheri to marry me!”

“Oh darling, I’m so happy for you. That’s wonderful.”

Thomas sounds so excited but points out that the honeymoon (Cheri wants to go to Scotland) and general cost will push back the time he will be able to afford to come and visit Juliet. Juliet’s momentary disappointment is replaced with inspiration. Inspired Juliet offers them an engagement present of Christmas in Greece, flights, the lot. Cheri squeals in the background, picks up an extension phone and the three of them lay down the outline plan.

They say their goodbyes, Thomas and Cheri clearly excited. Juliet pops the stripy kitten on the floor and makes a cup of tea before returning to use the phone. No sooner has Terrance answered than he interrupts her to ask if she has heard about Thomas and Cheri. Juliet tells him she has offered them a Christmas in Greece and asks him what he thinks. The conversation gets twisted as they both talk from their own viewpoints, Terrance not understanding it is an offer, Juliet not understanding his reluctance to join them to celebrate. Eventually they see each other’s view and talk over each other with sorries and explanations, until Terrance pulls the conversation to an end with, “Yes! Brilliant. Thanks, Mum. That’s fantastic. Yes!”

Juliet suggests he get in touch with Thomas and she promises to ring when dates and tickets are final, and they hang up, both happier for having spoken.

Tiger leaps onto his sister next to Juliet on the sofa and they play fight in a ball. Juliet strokes the writhing mass and gets a scratch for her troubles. Smiling, Juliet goes in the kitchen and rummages through drawers, counting cutlery and crockery. The crockery is a mismatched affair, mostly in white, which prompts Juliet to start a list headed with Red Table Cloth and quickly adds Christmas Tree and Crackers. She spends a pleasant day planning and making lists, but as the evening draws in, the familiar, uncomfortable feeling of being alone creeps in with the shadows, and Juliet gets fidgety.

Terrance, the last to arrive, thinks they are terribly childish and resorts to lying on the rug in front of the fire dozing most of the first day he is there. However, Cheri encourages the kittens to lick cream from her fingers, Thomas puts a blob of cream on Terrance’s nose. The kittens, lined up by Thomas, run up Terrance’s chest, and with their paws on Terrance’s chin, two of them manage to be the cats that get the cream. Thomas howls, Cheri cries with laughter, and Terrance wakes to two little furry faces with big eyes on the end of his nose. Juliet makes the boys take the ensuing food fight into the garden.

The days merge into nights and no-one keeps track of time. Michelle declares she needs a serious holiday, not just a two-week break, and Juliet gives her the key to the spare room and says she has to watch that she isn’t deported.

Cheri declares she is going to move in and sleep with the kittens. Juliet tells her that traditionally in Greece the daughter-in-law spends her wedding night in the bed of her mother-in-law to show her subservience and after that it is her duty to keep the mother-in-law’s goats for her, so therefore it would be very apt for her to move in with the kittens.

Michelle jumps up and goes into the garden, returning with an armful of pomegranates. She splits them open on the table, the juice squirting at the inquisitive Terrance. Once they are split, she encourages everyone to eat. Terrance, of course is the one to ask why.

“You don’t know your Greek myths, do you?” Cheri admits she doesn’t and that she is in the mood for a good story. “Well, there was this goddess called Persephone, daughter of Zeus, I think. Anyway Hades, king of the underworld, falls in love with her but obviously Zeus is not into the idea of his daughter living in the underworld. Nor does he want to upset Hades, as you wouldn’t!” Michelle hands out pomegranates, and Cheri gets herself a plate. “Anyway, one day Persephone is sitting by a lake and Hades kidnaps her and takes her to the underworld to marry her. Her mum is worried sick and, being a goddess, decides none of the plants should grow, and people and animals start to die because there is no food.” Michelle eats a few pomegranate seeds and holds her glass out to be refilled.

“Is that it?” Cheri asks.

“No.” Michelle takes a drink. “The mum, as I said, was not too pleased and all the crops are dying and it’s a bit of a disaster. So Zeus demands that Persephone should be freed. Hades can’t argue with Zeus, but he tricks Persephone and gives her a pomegranate to eat, and lets her go.”

Thomas cheers.

“But,” Michelle continues, “The law of the Underworld says that if you eat anything while you are down there you have to stay. Anyway, after a bit of a fuss it is decided that she can live on the earth for nine months of the year but has to go to Hades for three, so in those three months, her mum, I forget her name, makes sure nothing grows, that is, it’s winter.” Michelle drains her glass and takes a bite of seeds. “So, the moral of this story is that if we eat pomegranates whilst we are here, we will have to come back at least once a year.”

“Aaman loved pomegranates,” Juliet says. Everyone goes silent until she opens another bottle of wine and declares she is not slurring sufficiently.

They all go to the church to see Marina’s daughter married in time for Christmas. Marina shocks everyone by not wearing her housecoat, turning up instead in a very sophisticated dress. She looks like she has lost weight and is stunning with her hair loose. Juliet hears a few locals discussing what a beauty she had been back in her day. Juliet takes offence as they are about the same age and she reckons her “day” is now.

Christmas day feels like they are in England, with chestnuts by the fire, mince pies and the traditional dinner. They all bundle up to go for a walk after eating so much, to be surprised at how mild it is outside. They strip down to thin jumpers and march off over the hills, greeting a goat herder eating feta and olives in the sunshine, which he offers to share. Later, they meet some children who are excitedly anticipating New Year’s Day, the traditional Greek day for exchanging presents. They arrive back as it is turning dark and cold. Thomas and Terrance bring wood in for the fire. Juliet thinks of Aaman and his brother.

The days pass swiftly. It is Thomas who brings about the first reality check as he announces that his and Cheri’s flight is the following day. Terrance’s flight is the day after, giving Juliet and Michelle a little time to catch up and sober up before Michelle’s flight back to the rat race the day after that.

Michelle raises a glass to Juliet. “It’s been a brilliant Christmas. Thanks.”

“Anytime.” Their glasses chink.

“Can you do that then, make Christmas happen anytime?”

“That’s easy. You should see what I can do with Easter.”

“So how clever are you? Can you borrow Lent?”

“Only if you will draw me up a contract with terms and conditions.”