Sara Shepard - Never Have I Ever

“I just need to ask you something, okay?” Garrett’s voice was wound tight. He took another step toward Emma, nearly pinning her against the shelving unit behind her. “What’s this I hear about you hanging out with another guy already?”

“W-what?” Emma stammered.

“Don’t lie to me.” Garrett clamped a hand around Emma’s wrist. “I’ve heard all about it. Who is he?”

He sounded so certain, so sure of himself. Someone had told him about Ethan. “Who’d you hear that from? Nisha?”

“So it’s true, then?” Garrett’s breath smelled yeasty-sweet, like beer.

Emma turned away. “It’s none of your business.”

Garrett sighed. His grip softened a little, and his fingers began tickling the inside of Emma’s palm. “Sutton, what did I do to deserve this? This summer was amazing—I know you thought so, too. You did nothing all summer but beg and beg and beg me to sleep with you, and the day I want to, you freak. Did I wait too long? Had you already moved on? Is that why you dumped me?”

“Excuse me?” Emma straightened up. “I believe you were the one who dumped me. You were the one who said we were done, remember?”

Garrett scoffed. “Not calling me for three days after rejecting me when I was naked sends a pretty strong message, Sutton. Dating someone else does, too.”

Emma smacked a palm to her side. “What about you and Nisha? Love your twin Viking costumes, by the way. You two make a cute couple.”

“Please. I only brought her here to make you jealous.”

“Too bad,” Emma snarled. “It’s obvious Nisha’s crazy about you.”

“Unlike you?” Garrett placed his rough, cold hands on the sides of Emma’s face.

Emma swiped them away. “Cut it out, Garrett.”

“Don’t you feel anything for me? You have to feel something, Sutton.” He rested a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t you miss what we had?”

Emma let out a breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel anything anymore.”

Garrett stepped back and appraised Emma, shaking his head slowly as if seeing her for the first time. “So is this all a game to you? Were you stringing me along the whole time? Was it because of Charlotte? Because you had to have everything she had?”

“No! Do you really think I’m that big of a bitch?”

“Then did you do it just because you could?” Garrett went on, his face close to Emma’s. His breath was making her dizzy. “Just like what you did to Thayer.”

Thayer’s name ripped through Emma like a knife. “I +wdon’t know what you mean . . .” she started, choosing her words carefully. “What exactly do you think I did to Thayer?”

Garrett snickered. “You are so in denial, Sutton! Everyone saw that fight between you guys just before he left. He loved you. He would’ve done anything for you. But you stomped on his heart. Just like you stomped on mine. You made him run away. He’s lucky, though, because unlike me, at least he never has to see you again.”

Emma’s mouth dropped open. But before she could ask anything more, Garrett opened the door to the supply closet, leaving Emma alone with gymnastics mats and a barrel full of baseball bats. His words hung heavy in the room, almost palpable. He would’ve done anything for you. But you stomped on his heart. You made him run away.

Once again, I saw Thayer shouting at me, his eyes full of conflict and emotion. Was it my fault that he left? What had I done to him? Was there anyone I’d spared?

Emma ran a hand through her hair and smoothed the folds of her tweed suit. After a moment, she stepped into the gym, nearly knocking over a tall guy dressed in a Robin Hood costume. A tall, broad-shouldered, familiar Robin Hood, to be exact, holding the hand of a girl dressed in a curly brown wig and an Elizabethan gown.

Emma stepped back and blinked rapidly. “Ethan?”

“Sutton . . . hey,” Ethan said, dropping the girl’s hand. Emma took in her steel gray eyes, thin lips, and high cheekbones. She was familiar, too . . . really familiar. The last time Emma had seen this girl, she was smiling smugly as the cops pushed Emma into the cruiser in front of Clique.

“Hi, Sutton,” Samantha chirped. She gestured to Ethan. “Like our costumes? I make a pretty Maid Marian to Ethan’s Robin Hood, don’t you think?”

Samantha was Ethan’s mystery date.

Emma spun and tore through the crowd, desperate to get out of the gym as soon as humanly possible. A red haze swam before her eyes. Screw keeping tabs on the Twitter Twins. She needed some air.

She barely felt her hands pressing on the double doors or the cool night air on her skin. All around her was a cruelly beautiful pink Arizona sky. Ripped ticket stubs littered the sidewalk. Someone’s abandoned cat mask lay propped up against a tree. Heavy bass pulsated from inside the school, and every once in a while, there was a deafening crackle of fake thunder.

Slumping down on the bench nearest the courtyard, Emma placed her head in her hands. She’d been the one, after all, who’d put the brakes on things. But . . . Samantha ? The girl who’d had her arrested? It was like a slap in the face.

The doors creaked open, and music from the dance wafted outside. When Emma turned and saw Ethan, she pretended to search for something in her bag. “Where’s your date?” she couldn’t help but snap.

“She’s . . . inside.” Ethan stood over her for a moment, waiting. Emma had plopped down in the middle of the bench, but she wasn’t about to shove over to make room for him. “Are you all right?”

Emma nodded stiffly. “Yep. Fine.”

“I was looking for you, but I didn’t see you with Madeline and the others,” Ethan said, removing his Robin Hood hat from his head. It was kind of ugly, Emma noted with satisfaction. It made him look like an elf.

“Well, have a nice night.” Emma knew how bitchy she sounded, but she couldn’t find it in her heart to be kind right now.

Ethan’s shoulders slumped. “Look. I think I know what’s bothering you.”

Emma looked away. “It doesn’t matter.” She absolutely wasn’t going to talk about this.

“Sam’s really nice, once you get to know her.”

Emma wanted to throw her Sherlock Holmes pipe at his head. So she was Sam now?

“And I spoke to her about you,” Ethan added. “She’s willing to drop all the shoplifting charges. No juvie, no community service, no permanent record.”

Emma snorted. “Was that the trade-off? You take her to the dance, she lets me walk? How nice of you. How martyrlike.”

Ethan shook his head. “Is this what you’re like when you’re jealous?” A look crossed his face that Emma couldn’t quite decipher. “You’re more like Sutton than you think,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ethan crossed his arms over his chest. “You told me you just wanted to be friends. Is that what you want?”

Inside the gym, the DJ put on a song by the Black Eyed Peas. The music sounded hollow, empty. Emma reached under her blazer and cupped her hand around Sutton’s locket. “I don’t know,” she muttered.

Ethan lowered himself to the pavement until his face was level with hers. His eyes were soft and round. The setting sun cast sharp shadows on his cheekbones. Emma could smell his signature Ethan-ish scent, a mix of deodorant, freshly laundered clothes, and spearmint. She tried hard to keep her face impassive. She didn’t want him to know what she was feeling.

“I thought that was what I wanted,” Emma finally said, taking a deep breath. “It just seemed . . . easier. Safer. But now I’m not sure about anything.”