Elizabeth Strout - The Best American Short Stories 2013

“I had a very strange conversation with Cath,” Harriet says. “She called me, and she asked me why, when you girls were little and I would take you to a Broadway musical, why wouldn’t I ever buy you the original cast album when they were selling it in the lobby.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I said I didn’t remember. Which is the truth.” Harriet looked at Rebecca, puzzled. “Do you think she’s in therapy?”

This makes Rebecca laugh, and after a moment Harriet snorts too, and the two of them end up wiping away tears, trying to collect themselves.

The legs of Harriet’s stretch pants have ridden up, and Rebecca notices a bandage on her calf.

“It’s infected,” Harriet tells her when she asks. “It got bumped on the wheelchair, and I asked them to put some antibiotic ointment on it, but they never got around to it.”

They play Scrabble; Harriet is still pretty good. From somewhere down the hall, a woman begins to moan. The same words over and over: Take me home. Please, please take me home.

“She does that all the time,” Harriet says, her hand hovering over the box of tiles. “I don’t know if she thinks her children are in the room with her, or if she’s talking to God.”

“Either way,” Rebecca says, somber, not even sure what she means by “Either way.”

But Harriet makes it explicit. “Either way, she’s not crazy to want it; and either way, it isn’t happening.”

A man has been coming into Rebecca’s bookstore every couple of weeks. He buys a lot—no specific category, he just seems generally ravenous—novels, poetry, history. He is short, probably in his late fifties, with silver-rimmed glasses, a large shaggy graying head, and a big square jaw that reminds Rebecca of a lion. He grins at Rebecca when he pays. They don’t talk. Their not talking, which might at first have been shyness or reserve, has begun to feel deliberate, erotic. His name, on the credit slips, is Benjamin Ehrman.

Already Rebecca can tell the story two different ways. One ends with them getting married. The other ends with her looking back over a cratered battlefield of a love affair and wondering: What were you thinking?

Harriet calls late one morning, practically in tears.

“What is it?” Rebecca asks.

“I’m still in bed. They haven’t—when I woke up I said I needed the bedpan. And the aide told me it was too much trouble, I should just… go, and they’d come clean me up. So I did, but that was a couple of hours ago—”

Rebecca looks at the clock hanging on the wall of the bookstore. It’s eleven-thirty. “I’ll call you right back.” She hangs up, and then calls the nursing home and asks to speak to Harriet’s caseworker. She describes what Harriet has just told her and ends by saying, “That is not okay.”

“No, it’s not,” the caseworker agrees smoothly. “You’re right. But sometimes they can make it sound worse than it really is; there may be a little more to the story. Let me go look into it.”

Rebecca’s hands are shaking. “I don’t think my mother is confused about what’s going on.” She keeps picturing the caseworker in her Halloween costume: her eye patch, her blackened tooth, her little plastic dagger. And she says again, “This is not okay.”

She hangs up and calls Harriet back. “The social worker is sending someone to help you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Mom. I’m sorry.” They stay on the phone until Harriet has to hang up because, she says, “Here everybody is, all of a sudden.”

Benjamin Ehrman comes in and buys the Oresteia and the complete Ecco Press set of Chekhov stories. Is he taking some sort of middle-aged Great Books course? Is he courting her, trying (successfully) to slay her with his taste?

He pays. He smiles. He doesn’t say anything, not even thank you. At the point when any other customer would have said, “Thank you,” he smiles at her again.

Oh, Rebecca, you tired, confused woman. You are so ripe for this kind of thing.

She goes down to visit Harriet at Christmas. (She and Peter have never spent the holiday together; she always goes to Harriet, and he is either with his kids or off skiing in Utah. This year, the separation bothers her. Not in itself—she hates skiing—but the fact that there is no expectation that they will make a plan together. How could there not be, after all this time? On the other hand, doesn’t the ease with which they go their separate ways—the pleasantness of it—confirm that she is free?)

She brings Harriet a beef tenderloin she has cooked, and she reheats au gratin potatoes and green beans in the kitchen microwave. The gray people in their straggly hallway flotilla watch, or don’t watch, as she walks by, holding dishes aloft. One woman looks at her and raises a forefinger, like someone timidly hailing a cab. “Excuse me,” the woman says, “but is this Washington Square?”

“No, it isn’t,” Rebecca says.

“Do you know how to get there from here?”

Rebecca shakes her head, and the woman smiles and shrugs.

Harriet says of the dinner, “You can’t imagine what a treat this is.”

“Yes, I can,” Rebecca says. “That’s why I brought it.”

Ralph’s children have taken him out for dinner—they all live nearby—but later that evening he comes to see Harriet. Rebecca likes him: he is blunt and loyal, and quick, like Harriet.

Rebecca sits trying to straighten out a piece of knitting (a red scarf, Harriet’s Christmas present to her, which, Harriet says, “should have been done ages ago but I keep screwing it up—you know I’m not domestic”), while Ralph and Harriet play anagrams on a table rolled up against Harriet’s wheelchair. They take turns flipping over a new letter and seeing if they can steal a word the other person has already made.

Rebecca, ripping out rows of Harriet’s impatient, thwarted knitting, is nearly in tears watching them: the speed, the sureness with which they play. Ralph steals risked from Harriet, adds his own T , and makes skirted . She steals donuts and makes astound .

One Sunday afternoon, in the middle of January, Rebecca goes to the movies by herself. She stands in line—a long one—not thinking of much. The smell of popcorn, and how sickening it is. The fact that the hole in the right-hand pocket of her orange wool coat has now become big enough that she ought to start carrying her loose change in the left one. Ahead of her in line a man is waving, beckoning, smiling. Benjamin Ehrman. She turns around to see if he means someone behind her; he grins, and points at her, and beckons again. So she goes to him.

“What movie are you seeing?” he asks, and she tells him, and he says, “Me too.”

She says, “So, you do know how to talk after all.” She feels like a jerk as soon as it’s out of her mouth.

But, “I know,” he says. “One of us was going to have to break that silence.” That sounds meaningful, erotic again; he defuses it by adding, “It was getting to be like those staring contests you have when you’re a kid.”

So they go in together, sit together, are deferential about the armrest, are aware of exactly where each other’s hands are in the darkness. The movie is a “little” one that has received doting reviews. The audience is enraptured with it, laughing, sighing. Rebecca hates it. She looks over at him and he looks back and rolls his eyes at her. They don’t know each other well enough to agree to walk out—they don’t know each other at all, so walking out would mean going their separate ways. They stay, sitting there through the whole thing grimacing at each other, sinking down in their seats, their shoulders growing conspiratorially closer as their silent agreement that the thing just stinks grows more and more intense. At the end they throw themselves out into the street, laughing. They go for coffee, but order wine instead.