K. Randis - Spilled Milk

“I got the job!” I cried as I hung up the phone.

Gina wrapped me in a hug. “I told you, oh congratulations. You’ll do great there.”

I got Jason and my mom on the phone to tell them before I got back to our conversation. “So anyways, you need me to let the dog out while you guys go on vacation, right?” I asked.

“Yea, you’re okay with it? Paul’s at college and I’d hate to ask the neighbor she’s not really a dog person.”

“Yea it’s not a problem. When are you leaving?”

“Next Thursday.”

“And you told Paul, just in case he shows up?”

“Umm…” She swirled her spoon. “You know, I think I mentioned it. Yea.”

I eyed her. “Maybe I’ll let him know, just to make sure. And hey, I need to tell you something. Promise you won’t get mad?”

“What is it?”

I slipped the ring onto my finger and held it under Gina’s nose. “Jason and I eloped last week. We’re married!”

Gina covered her mouth, half surprised and half upset. “Oh, Brooke. Jason is such a great guy, he really is. We really love him. Congratulations honey.”

Her eyes watered and I knew how much she wanted me to be a part of her family. I thought she had been secretly hoping all these years that Paul and I would rekindle an old flame and give her some grandbabies.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Have you told anyone yet?”

“Our main family, some of our friends. We had it in this beautiful outdoor garden nearby, I had a dress. It was just really intimate and sweet…I wish you could have been there. We just wanted something discreet, you know?”

“I don’t blame you. I think it was the perfect idea, I’m so happy for you guys, I really am. Now make me some grandbabies, you’ll always be a daughter-in-law to me, no matter who you’re with.”

When I signed onto Facebook that night and messaged Paul I didn’t expect him to get back to me as soon as he did. I told him I was going to be letting the dog out while his parents and little brother went on vacation and I just wanted him to know I would be at his house. For a while after we broke up he didn’t want me there, which I understood, but I didn’t need any drama while I was trying to help Gina out.

We hadn’t talked in years and anytime I tried he was always so standoffish. An alert on my phone went off and I double read the message to make sure I had seen it correctly:

Id love to stick around and see u ill take you to dinner we can catch up if youd like unless im crossing some sort of line then ill just see you at the house

My heart skipped beat. He wanted to catch up? Dinner? Those two words were never part of his vocabulary. There were so many years between the last times we spoke, so much left unsaid. I wasted no time replying.

That actually sounds really nice, unless you want me to cook something and we can watch cartoons for old time sake

He wrote back:

Lol you mean ill cook u something you forget who my mom is not saying u wouldn’t cook something amazing but dinner is a better idea so we can appreciate the moment

Now all of a sudden we had moments? I instinctively looked down at the ring on my finger. My fingers drummed on the screen of my phone for a minute. I nodded as I typed back a more casual response:

True, your mom is the best cook I know. Whether you want to whip something up or go out, I think I’d just like the pleasure of your company.

I hit send. Message clear, just two platonic people having dinner to catch up on heavy emotional baggage. The alert didn’t even finish going off before I grabbed my phone again.

I could care less either way as long as we get to catch up and I get to see your pretty face lol and my company isn’t too pleasurable but youre putting me on the spot I have to come up with a surprise now

I waded into unknown territory, letting the words pretty face obsessively repeat over in my head before another message popped up.

If calling would make your life easier, it would make mine I hate talkin on fb

He left his number and it took most of my will power not to pick up the phone and call that second. I hated that he suddenly sprang up out of nowhere talking about moments and dinners and after all these years suddenly had things he wanted to catch up on.

I waited a full ten minutes before I added him as a contact in my phone. Another five minutes passed while I thought about what to say before I started a text war.

I’ve always enjoyed your company actually

His reply was just as coy.

I always enjoyed your company we went well together lol.

I cringed. What is all this we stuff? I grabbed a wine glass out of the cupboard before I responded. Jason wouldn’t be home for another couple of hours.

Guess I’ll have to try extra hard to make sure we have a good time then, don’t wanna disappoint.

I sounded so fake, but I couldn’t think straight.

You don’t have to try hard I’m sure ill have a great time with you just being you.

The conversation turned a corner where I’d hoped it wouldn’t but I found myself texting back, needing to know exactly what he meant. I sipped my wine and listened to the silence that filled my living room.

I couldn’t believe this was happening now, now that I was married, starting a new job and overjoyed with life in general. Why is it that guys have a way of know exactly when you’re at your happiest to come parading back into your life? I opened my phone to his response.

You scared me back then

What’s that mean…

Maybe that’s why I acted like a hard ass and I do apologize for not being there when u really could of used my help. I admit I was selfish and a jerk but at the time it was hard to deal with, finding someone I love have something so horrible happen to them was too much for me. So I did what I did and took off thinking it was best for myself but being selfish in the process and also throwing away one of the best things that happened to me. So with that said ill leave it alone and maybe now we can be friends at least.

As I read his book of an apology and explanation I finished my second glass of wine and leaned over my phone with my mouth dropped to my knees. In a single text message he had said everything I had waited years to hear. He apologized, told me he was wrong and that he shouldn’t have walked away. I answered back.

I need a minute to process everything you just said. I’ve never stopped thinking about you, so this is kind of a huge deal to me right now and ive had too much wine to not think before I respond.

You’re probably mad, I understand. And you can just blame it on the wine if you want to lash out at me lol

I’m not mad at you Paul, I’m sad for you. I wanted you to be happy, and I thought I could do that. I knew where my heart was at the time and I thought you deserved nothing less than that

To be honest u were probably the only one that would of made me happy but what I thought I needed was to get away when really I let go of the one person who knew exactly how I felt. I been with other girls and they were nothing compared to you I threw away a great girl who cared a lot about me, my loss and my loss only ill take the humiliation of conceding that you were right and I was wrong

I threw my hands up in the air. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.” My cheeks hurt from smiling and I replied trying to keep my composure.

well im excited for dinner itll be nice to see you and talk face to face

Yea I haven’t been with anyone since last may just trying to get my life on track tired of getting my heart broken in meaningless relationships by girls with no substance. Not saying I haven’t been a jerk at times