Clancy Martin - How to Sell

After we had made love I crept out of the bedroom, very late, with her asleep in the bed behind me, and left the five thousand dollars where she would find it in the morning. To beat Jim to the store I would be up and at work before she was even out of bed. I wanted to be waiting for him outside when he got there. So that he didn’t think I was hiding from him.

I understood that she would not take the cash if I tried to give it to her. This way she could pretend it was from Jim, or Santa Claus. But then she woke up in the early morning to get a glass of water or smoke a cigarette and found it. She woke me up with the light on and there she was, at the end of the bed, with the five thousand dollars out in front of her on the bed.

“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t steal it for you. I didn’t mean to steal it at all, really. It was totally innocent. I’m serious. It was practically an accident. What happened was I was taking a shortcut from the steamer room past the Rolex desk so I could ask the Watchman a price for a ladies’ all-stainless”—because we were so close to Christmas the price and availability on all-steel models changed daily, like bullion—“and I wanted to stop by the back bathroom on the way to do a bump. So the quick way was through Cindy’s office.”

“We are not supposed to walk that way.”

“I know. That’s what I am saying. It was just bad luck. So I’m hurrying through and I almost walked right past it. There were two stacks of bills, side by side, like bricks, you know, on the desk. I smiled toward where I expected Cindy to be sitting, to say, Gosh isn’t that nice, a big stack of cash like that, and her chair was empty. So, you know, they don’t have cameras in there,” I said.

“I bet they will now,” Lisa said.

I wanted to say, Look, I know you need the money, and maybe you could even tell me why. But I did not want to interfere with her love for me in any way at all. I tried to recover control of the conversation.

“One thing about me, Lisa, is I was raised by bankrupts. That teaches you not to take property very seriously. Plus, being Canadian. You know. Socialism.”

“Other people’s property, you mean.”

She had an odd look on her face that I couldn’t decipher.

“Right. That’s my problem. That’s exactly what I’m saying. I don’t treat other people’s property with the proper seriousness. It’s just a weakness I have. It’s not like I had malicious intentions. It’s my nature. My upbringing.”

“Well, now they are polygraphing the whole store, Bobby,” Lisa said. “The whole damn store. And you have brought me into it by giving me this money.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about,” I said.

“What if I do? Bobby. This only makes things worse. Bobby, you don’t know what they are going to ask about. Did you even think about why I need the money? That could come out too, Bobby. Anything could come out.”

She reached over and grabbed one of the pillows. She wrapped her arms around it like it was a stuffed animal.

“It’s not your fault. It’s like your brother said… well, I mean, it’s my own damn mess, not yours.”

I watched her carefully. I knew that if I spoke she would stop talking. I strove to look like I was only there to listen.

“The thing is, Bobby, well, you know I have other people, other friends outside the store. They are not guys like you and Jim. They are a different kind of people. Not nice people. I mean, they aren’t bad people exactly. But they are wild, you know?”

I could be wild, too, I thought. But I knew I couldn’t say it.

“Anyway, I’m not going into it. But there was this party, and—”

“When were you at a party?” How did she have time to go to a party? “What people are you talking about?” Don’t talk, Bobby, I told myself. She is trying to confess.

“Bobby, honey, listen to me. I am trying to tell you. You know, baby, this is really — well, it’s not that it’s none of your business, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just worrying about both of us, you know?”

She didn’t understand that I could help her, if she would let me. That I wasn’t concerned about anything except her.

“This is so ridiculous. I can’t believe how stupid we are. Now that I’m talking about it, it was just like you. I’m sitting here judging you and it was just like you and this fucking money.” She picked up the stack of bills and then put it back down again.

“I know you’re not judging me,” I said. “You can tell me anything, Lisa. I don’t care.” I wanted to say, I love you.

“You know, the funny thing is I wasn’t even going to go to the stupid party. I was driving home.”

“After work, you mean.”

Was this Saturday she was talking about? But when I saw them in the parking garage it was Friday — so then it must have been Thursday. But on Thursday hadn’t she stayed late and closed with Jim and me?

“You know how sometimes you just drive somewhere without even thinking, like knowing where you’re going but not ever deciding to go there? And they were all fucked up, some of them had been partying for days. I kept trying to leave. Then the next thing you know it’s me and this other guy and we are practically the only ones who aren’t passed out. And there’s a stash of drugs and money in this guy’s place and nobody knows where he keeps it, but my friend said he wanted to show me.”

“Your friend, you mean, the guy? Which guy?”

“Just listen for a minute, okay? I’m trying to tell you. Then, you know, whatever, and next thing he’s passed out, too. It was just that easy. So I grabbed this stuff and I left and that was that. Just like you did at the store. I walked out. I mean, it could have been anybody, right? But they know it was me. They already went to my dealer and fucked him up, just because. They held him down and burned him, Bobby. With the lit end of a cigar. Now I can’t even be here. I shouldn’t have even let you come over here. Oh, Bobby,” she said, and for a second I hoped she was going to start crying. But when I reached toward her she stiffened.

“And even this five grand, even if I could take it. It would get me out of town. Maybe I could like leave half of it in my mailbox for them or something. You know, like, to calm them down. That might help a little, if they don’t know where I am. But you stole this money, Bobby, and Popper’s rent-a-cops are going to catch you. Now you’ve brought the store into this… I don’t know, Bobby. And what about you? I can’t have you going to jail because you were trying to help me. Oh Christ, Bobby. This is a real mess, you know? This is a real fucking mess we made together.”

She wasn’t looking at me. She was looking across the room at nothing. Her neck was as lovely as a person’s wrist.

“Neither one of us can go back. That’s the thing, that’s the truth of it. This jewelry business is not the right thing for you anyway. It is just like how some people should not be married because they make each other worse. That’s jewelry for you, Bobby. It’s like Miracle-Gro on your failings. Mine, too. I’ve been wanting to tell you that anyway, and now—” She waved her hand at the money. “I’m staying up all night and packing and getting out of here.”

“Good, okay,” I said. “Let’s go. Good idea. I’ll come. I’ll come with you.” Then I laid my head down on her legs. I didn’t want to see her face when I said it.

“Oh, baby. Come on. I’m sorry, but that is not something we can do. But you have to leave, that’s for sure. Don’t go to work. Make up some lie. You need to get on a plane back to Canada, as quick as you can get a ticket. That’s what you should do. Go back to Wendy. Go home, Bobby. If you don’t they could put you in prison. You have got to start growing up, now. Both of us do, I guess.”