Sergio De La Pava - A Naked Singularity

“You’ll lose interest, become bored. You’ll be highlighting the absent third dimension in these people and the illusion will be shattered.”

“Two-dimensional, three-dimensional, what’s the difference? People are people dude. Why discriminate against Ralph just because he happens to cause a different kind of image on my retina? Don’t you think it’s time people of different races, creeds, colors, and realities came together? Besides, the thrill of creation will keep me interested. Man is never more alive than when he is creating. I’ll be a modern-day Prometheus but whereas he worked with clay I’ll work with televisual analog waves and digital pulses. What could be more exciting than that? Besides if I start to falter, Lou and Traci have agreed to help.”

“Help how?”

“If they see I’m getting tired, disinterested or whatever they’re going to say things like c’mon Angus you can do it, don’t quit . You get the idea.”

“Big help.”

“Turns out it will be. Listen to this psych study. First they get a bunch of volunteers together. These people agree that they’ll put their bare feet in buckets of ice water and keep them there for as long as possible. Now I tried this the other day and can faithfully report that it hurts when you do that. Real pain. Anyway, they split these people into two groups. One of the groups is all alone so to speak. They stick their feet in the bucket, hold out as long as they can and someone times them. The other group does essentially the same thing only they have these people around them shouting encouragement. Well you can see where this is going as the cheerleader group substantially outperforms the other group.”

“Substantially how? What are the actual numbers?”

“What do I know? Statistically significant as we say. The principle is the important thing. People need people after all.”

“3-D people. When do you learn about these studies anyway? I never see you go to class.”

“I haven’t missed a lecture all year. Tell him Lou.”

“He hasn’t missed a lecture all year,” deadpanned Lou.

“I’ve never seen you leave the house.”

“That’s the beauty. I don’t have to leave the house to go to class. I take two classes both taught by the same teacher and he broadcasts all his lectures on the school’s e-campus. I sit in front of the computer’s twenty nine inch flatscreen monitor at the allotted times and soak in all the knowledge with minimal interruption to my day.”

“Wouldn’t it be good to leave the house, interact with other students, discuss the lectures, ask the professor questions in person?”

“He has his own website you can ask him questions at any time during the week. That other stuff you’re saying is vastly overrated. Information is everything. Give me the information. Supply it like any other product. The method of delivery is irrelevant. I’ll learn , if you want to use that term, the information myself and who knows I may even use it someday. What do people have to do with it?”

“You’re a psych major right?”

“Yeah so? I watch people every day on Television and don’t say they’re not in their natural state. Being on Television is fast becoming the natural state. In the future all life will be televised. Our mayor was on Television tonight saying that a camera can be more effective than a gun in the war against crime. He wants to put cameras everywhere then arm you and me with even more cameras to help the state fight crime. How will people act then? Well I have a better idea than most.”

“They said it couldn’t be done!” Alyona walking towards me with the key in his hand and never had my eyes feasted on sweeter sight. I wanted out and up real bad. In my weakened state, Angus had half-convinced me that Kramden and Norton would soon be in the room and I knew enough people. My left ear hurt too, I cupped my hand to it. “You’ve got to get that ear checked out man. Here you go.” Alyona dropped the key in my other palm. I thanked him, offered brief good-byes, and headed for the door with visions of bed in head when:

“By the way who’s the worst guy you represented tonight?” asked Louis.

“Everybody was fine tonight.”

“Who was charged with the worst crime though?”

“I had a guy charged with using the subway without paying.”

“Bastard, what else?”

“Let’s see, I had another guy selling batteries in the subway without a license.”

“That’s illegal?” joined Alyona.

“Yeah, twenty-nine hours in jail and counting.”

“Dude I can’t believe you’re in favor of crime.”

“He’s not in favor of crime he just likes it.”

“He doesn’t just like it he adores it.”

“You’re both wrong, he doesn’t admire it in any way. He abhors it like the rest of us. It’s just that he recognizes it as a legitimate, albeit alternate, lifestyle.”

“I have to go,” I said.

“The other day someone stole my club, you believe that?” said Traci. “I don’t mean that someone stole my car while The Club was on it. No, someone broke into my car for the express purpose of stealing my Club which I had neglected to place on the steering wheel and which was sitting on the back seat.”

“Delicious irony actually,” said Louie. “Undone by your own protective measures.”

“Yes that from which you sought protection has instead inspired malfeasance,” said Alyona.

“What are you a fucking biblical narrator?”

Television: With Art Carney, Audrey Meadows.. .

“Okay guys I need monastery-type quiet,” said Angus. “The marathon’s about to begin.”

“I’m gone, thanks for the shelter.” I was out the door and up the stairs in record time. Put key in door and it opens was my new favorite technology. Casper was on the table all right that ghostly prick. The answering machine blinked plaintively. Scattered on the floor was mail. The mailbox was broken again and Alyona must have slid it under my door. In the middle was a familiar yellow envelope with its tiresome but nonetheless fear-inducing slogan: IF YOU THINK EDUCATION IS EXPENSIVE, TRY IGNORANCE. Inside, I knew a posteriori, would be threats: your credit rating… collection agency and other ominous warnings. I read this as if about another, without alarm or true belief. More mail alleging it was sensitive to time; I sympathized. From my machine came exhortations: Don’t forget about tomorrow… I can see you’re not going to return my phone calls… please call immediately regarding your account .

I figured I needed to wash my brain clean if I hoped to sleep. Needed to forget that there were Glenda Deebles the world over or at least get them temporarily out of my skull and for that I would need an attractive distraction. Music was always my first choice but I liked it loud and the ear was in no mood. I had not nearly enough concentration left for reading so on went Television and its replay of the nightly news.

Angus was right. Before an array of microphones in front of City Hall stood a lanky Toad. Toad was the mayor. New York City’s electoral populace had not elected a fly-eating amphibian to run the city but they had selected someone named Toad, pronounced toe-add, to stand behind microphones in situations such as this and he now did so gladly, a slight smirk maybe building across his face. Video Vigilantes was a good idea he was saying and a grinning fat guy in a green beret was shaking his hand. Citizens needed to help the police fight crime. Citizens had greater leeway and could, in some instances, be more effective since their conduct was not governed by that obstructive Bill of Rights. Videotaping life was a step in the right direction. Those who weren’t doing anything wrong had nothing to fear and those who were, well they would be exposed by the white light of the camera — a camera that incidentally never lied. The reporter then hit the streets to see what average Joe thought. There followed near-universal praise for the vigilantes and the Toad’s stamp of approval. Crime was on the run.