Ruth Prawer Jhabvala - Heat and Dust

"Still we did tie strings."

"Only for fun."

"Who were those men?"

He didn't answer at once, and when he did, it was with another question: "Who do you think they were?" He gave her one of his shrewd looks, then laughed: "I suppose you think they are bad men. You must have heard many stories I think, isn't it, and you believe they are true." Again she felt she did not have to defend herself or answer him.

"But if they are bad men," he went on, "I think they can't be so very bad because look what they have come here for." He pointed to the mound in the shrine on which some fresh garlands had just been laid and sticks of incense were still smouldering. "You see, they did not come for any bad purpose but to pay their devotions."

He looked at her as if testing her reaction. But she had no reaction, only some very strong physical sensations. The vast simmering plain of heat surrounding the grove trickled here and there through the leaves. The Nawab's overwhelming presence was concentrated now on her alone.

"Come, "he said." Sit with me. "

Both sat on the step leading into the shrine. He spoke to her in a gentle, reasoning voice: "Yes perhaps they are outlaws, it is true, but still they are human beings who come here — you see — to pray and tell their wishes: Like you and I also." He was silent for a while, as if to let her feel the truth of his words; or perhaps the communion between himself and her, to let that sink in.

"When we go from here, Olivia, will you go back to Satipur and say yes, the Nawab is a bad person, now I have seen with my own eyes that he meets with outlaws, dacoits he is hand in glove with them. You will go back and say that, Olivia?"

Now he was really waiting for an answer, and she did not hesitate to give him one. "Do you really believe I'd do that," she said with such sincerity — indeed, indignation — that he was satisfied with her. He respectfully touched her arm with his finger-tips.

"No I don't believe," he said. "And this is why I open my heart to you and tell you everything… Don't think please that I want you to say only he is a very good person, a fine and noble soul. Not at all. Of course I would like to be a fine and noble soul- it is necessary for all of us to strive for this but also I know how far I am from such a goal. Yes very far indeed," he said and looked discouraged.

"Who isn't, "Olivia said. He touched her arm in the same way as before, and partly she wished he wouldn't and partly she longed for him to do it again.

"You are right. We are all far from it. But there are some people — many people, " he said, pausing to let her think who they were: "They make themselves into judges over others, saying this is good, this bad, as if they are all-knowing. Who is Major Minnies that he should say to me don't do this, and don't do that, who has given him the right to say this to me? To me! " he said, incredulously pointing at himself. "To the Nawab Sahib of Khatm. "He was speechless for a moment.

"Do you know how we got our title? It was in 1817. My ancestor, Amanullah Khan, had been fighting for many, many years. Sometimes he fought the Mahrattas, sometimes the Rajputs or the Moghuls or the British. Those were very disturbed times. He went from place to place with his men, wherever there was fighting and booty to be picked up. They had to live, all of them! Sometimes, when he did not have the wherewithal to pay his soldiers, they mutinied against him and- then he had to flee not from the enemy but from his own men, can you imagine! But when things picked up for him again, they all came back and others also joined him. So sometimes he was very up and sometimes quite down. Such was his life. Olivia: I envy him. His name was feared by everyone-including the British! When they saw they could not subdue him by any means,' then they wanted him for their ally. Oh they were always very cunning people and knew which way to take out their own advantage. They offered him the lands and revenues of Khatm and also the title of Nawab. And because he was tired at that time, he said yes all right and he became a Nawab and sat down here. Because he was tired." He became gloomy. "But I think you: " can get tired also sitting in a palace. Then you feel it would be better not to have anything but to fight your enemies and kill them. You feel you would like to do that very much. Don't you think, Olivia, it is better to meet your enemies in this way than to have them secretly plotting against you and whispering slanders? I think it is very much better!" he cried, suddenly very upset.

She put out her hand and laid it on his chest as if to soothe him. And really he was soothed; he said "How kind you are to me." He laid his hand on top of hers and pressed it closer against his chest. She felt drawn to him by a strength, a magnetism that she had never yet in all her life experienced with anyone.

"Listen," he said. "Once it happened that a Marwar prince did something to displease him. I think he did not offer opium out of the correct silver chalice — it was only a very small thing, but Amanullah Khan was not the man to sit quiet when insulted. Not like me." When she began to protest, he said "I have to, what can I do. I am helpless… He invited this Marwar prince and all his retainers to a feast. A ceremonial tent was put up and all preparations made and the guests came ready to eat and drink. Amanullah Khan greeted his enemy at the door of the tent and folded him to his heart. But when they were all inside, he gave a secret sign and his men cut the ropes of the tent and the Marwar prince and all his party were entangled within the canvas. When they were trapped there like animals, Amanullah Khan and his men took their daggers and stabbed with them through the canvas again and again till there was not one enemy left alive. We still have that tent and the blood is so fresh and new, Olivia, it is as if it had happened yesterday." He must have felt that she was trying to remove her hand from his head so he held it against himself tighter. She could not escape him now, even if she had wanted to.

"Not here," he said. He led her away from the shrine and they lay together under a tree. Afterwards he made a joke:

"It is the secret of the Husband 's Wedding Day, " he said.

"Then what did you make me tie the string for?" she asked. '

He laughed and laughed, well pleased with her.

* * * *

31 July. Maji has informed me that I am pregnant. At first I didn't believe her — how could anyone possibly tell so early, even if it were true — but she was absolutely certain. Moreover, she has warned me that I had better be careful' because soon all the midwives in town would come to me to offer their services. They always know, she said, long before anyone else does. They can tell by the way a woman walks and holds herself. That is their business and they are always on the look-out for custom. There is no doubt, she said, that soon they would get on to me.

She was so positive that I have begun to believe her. I assumed that she knew by some kind of second sight — it always seems to me that she has powers that others don't. Once 'I had a headache and she put her hand on my forehead and. I can't describe the strange sensations transmitted to me. They lasted for days. So I thought that nothing about Maji would ever surprise me — until she told me, quite casually, that she knew about me because she herself had been a midwife. That surprised me more than if she actually had revealed supernatural powers.

She laughed at my reaction. She said what did I think, that she had always led this idle life of hers? Not at all. She had been a married woman and had had several children. Unfortunately her husband had not been much of a breadwinner — he had preferred his toddy and the company of friends gathered around the toddy shop — so the burden of looking after the family had fallen on her. Her mother had been a midwife and so had her grandmother and both had taught her all they knew. (I wondered about her mother and grandmother — they might have been the women who had attended Olivia! It was possible.) But after her husband died and her children were settled, she gave up her profession and spent several years going to holy places to pick up whatever instruction she could. Finally she had come back here to Satipur and built herself this little hut to live in. Her friends have been looking after her ever since, bringing her what food she needs so she doesn't have a care in the world. Her children all live rather far away, but sometimes one or other of them comes to visit her or writes her a letter.