Kader Abdolah - My Father's Notebook

Russia was going downhill fast. He had to get out.

A fellow refugee told him how to exploit the chaos to travel to East Germany. Thanks to an old comrade who’d lived in the GDR for years, he managed to obtain a temporary travel permit.

The moment he set foot in East Berlin, he went to a post office and called his wife. Her grandmother picked up the phone.

“Hello, it’s Ishmael.”

“Who?”

“Ishmael. Safa’s husband.”

“Oh, Ishmael! How are you? Safa’s not home right now. She’s at work. Nilufar’s here, but she’s asleep. I’m taking care of her. Yes, she’s fine. What about you? Is everything all right?”

“I’m in Berlin now. I’ll call again tonight.”

Next, he dialled his parents’ number. Tina answered the phone.

“Salaam, Tina. It’s me, Ishmael.”

Poor Tina, she nearly fainted.

“Can you hear me, Tina? How are you? Sorry I didn’t call before, but I couldn’t. Anyway, I’m in Berlin now. I have to keep this short. Where’s Father? Where’s Golden Bell?”

Tina wept.

“Why haven’t you said anything? I can’t talk long. Is Father there?”

“No, he’s at the shop.”

“What about Golden Bell?”

“She isn’t home, either.”

“Just my luck. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll call again soon. I’ve got to hang up now. So, everything’s OK? Good. I promise I’ll call back.”

Tina didn’t tell him that the reason Golden Bell wasn’t at home was because she was in prison. Or that Aga Akbar was sick and everything was far from “OK”. His call came so unexpectedly and went so fast that Tina didn’t have a chance to tell him anything. But she wouldn’t have told him the truth even if she’d had more time. He couldn’t do anything about it and it would only have upset him. Bad news could wait, Tina reasoned. In the meantime, there was no need for Ishmael to know.

She hung up, flung on her chador and hurried to the shop to tell Akbar the good news.

“He called!” she signed to him through the window.

“He did?”

“Yes!” she said and went in.

“What did he say? Is he all right?”

“Yes, he’s fine. He asked about you. And about Golden Bell.”

“Did you tell him that Golden Bell—”

“No.”

“Why not? He’s her brother. He should be told.”

“I just couldn’t do it. I cried and forgot what I was supposed to say. My hands were shaking. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.”

“Is he going to call again?”

“Yes. He can phone us now. Golden Bell will be so happy to hear that he’s called. I’ll tell her on Friday. No, wait, why don’t you tell her in sign language? That way, the guards won’t be able to understand. Just say that he phoned. Keep it simple. I’m going to Marzi’s and Enzi’s now to tell them that he called. There’s no need for you to stay in the shop. You look pale, Akbar. Do you feel sick? Come on, let’s go home. I’ll go to Marzi’s later.”

Golden Bell had been arrested six weeks after Ishmael’s escape. No one knew exactly how it happened.

One evening she simply didn’t come home. Tina immediately feared the worst. She’d always known there was a chance that Golden Bell would be rounded up one day, like all the others. But she’d expected the police to come in a jeep and drag her daughter out of the house.

Now that Golden Bell hadn’t come home and no jeeps had pulled up to the door, Tina was even more frightened. What should she do? Should she alert the rest of the family or should she sit back and wait? Don’t panic, she thought, it’s early yet.

Tina and Akbar stayed up until long after dark. Golden Bell didn’t come home, nor did she phone.

Tina had heard from people whose children had been arrested that the secret police immediately sent a couple of agents to search the house. It suddenly occurred to her that she should get rid of any incriminating evidence. She jumped to her feet.

“Go and get a cardboard box,” she signed to Akbar. “We have to get rid of Golden Bell’s books. The police will be here soon. Hurry, we need that box!”

Tina had learned how to read, but the books in Golden Bell’s room were far too difficult for her. Which books were all right and which were dangerous?

“Put them all in the box!” she gestured.

“All of them?”

“Yes, all of them!”

She got down on her hands and knees, felt around under Golden Bell’s bed and pulled out a bag. It was filled with papers. She glanced through them to see what they were about, but they were too complicated, so she stuck them in the box, too. Then she searched the wardrobe.

“Don’t just stand there, Akbar! Look in the pockets of her clothes! Take everything out.”

While Akbar inspected Golden Bell’s clothes, Tina rolled up the carpet and checked to see if anything was hidden underneath. No, nothing.

“Come on, let’s go! We have to take the box somewhere.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. We can’t keep it here, though. Pick up the other end, I can’t carry it by myself. No, wait. We can’t throw away the books. What if Golden Bell comes home? S he’ll never forgive me for throwing them out. I know, we can put them in the shed in the almond grove. If she does come home, we can always go and get them again, and if she doesn’t … Lift up your end of the box, Akbar, and be careful.”

They carried the heavy box to the front door. Tina opened it cautiously and peeked outside.

“I don’t see anyone,” she said. “Let’s go.”

They walked to the end of the street, where they had their garden, and made their way through the darkness to an old, dilapidated shed. The door was open. Tina hid the box beneath the gardening equipment and shut the door. “Let’s go home!” she gestured.

“Thank goodness that’s done,” Tina said when they were safely back home.

“What should we do next?” Akbar signed.

“Nothing. All we can do is wait and see what tomorrow brings.”

“I was wondering—” Akbar began.

“What is it now?”

“Nothing.”

They sat quietly for a long time. Neither of them wanted to go to bed. Golden Bell might come through the door at any moment.

Tina heard footsteps. Maybe it was the police! She leapt up and peeked through the curtains, but it turned out to be their neighbours going to the mosque for their morning prayers.

“God help us, it’ll be daylight soon and Golden Bell still hasn’t come home! Where should I start looking?”

She’d always known that Golden Bell would never lead a normal life. Golden Bell would never have a home, a husband, a child, a cat, a kitchen, a—

“I was wondering—” Akbar began.

“What is it this time?”

“Golden Bell left a few … I mean, if the police come, do you think they’ll look in my shop? Golden Bell left some things in the lean-to.”

Tina slapped her forehead. “What did she hide in your shop?”

“Papers,” Akbar signed.

“What kind of papers?”

“Those printed things.”

“We have to go to the shop, but we can’t go now, everybody’s awake.”

She peeked through the curtains again. “I guess it doesn’t matter. We can walk along with everyone else. Come on, now is as good a time as any.”

She put on her chador.

Tina and Akbar walked calmly out of the house and headed towards the mosque with the others.

“Turn left at the corner and go to your shop,” she signed. “Don’t switch on the light. I’ll tag along with the other women until we reach the mosque, then I’ll double back to the shop.”

Akbar did as he was told. When he reached the shop, he took out his key, stuck it in the lock, opened the door and slipped inside. He waited in the dark for Tina.