Sarah Hall - The Carhullan Army

Before the argument could escalate further I walked between the outbuildings and into the yard. ‘It’s all right, I’m here,’ I said. ‘Sorry, I got a bit turned around in the dark. That’s all. No damage done.’ The group stared at me, caught between astonishment and annoyance. Corky was shaking her head slightly. ‘Turned around. Funny. I didn’t hear you calling after the others, Sister.’ She narrowed her eyes. I could tell she did not trust what I had said. Beside her I could see the relief on Shruti’s face. I smiled to show her I was fine. ‘Any chance of dinner or are we too late?’ She rolled her eyes and jerked her thumb at the front door. ‘If we’re quick.’ I felt her hand pressing the small of my back as we went through into the house. I heard Corky’s voice behind us, and it was discomposed for once. ‘A nice report this is going to be. I’m not sure who looks worse, you lot, us, or her.’

They had already begun clearing the table but Ruthie had saved our portions; she had five bowls sitting on the skillet of the range under a cloth. ‘Carrot and ginger,’ she said. ‘And you can bloody well wash them up after. I’m done for the night.’ The women all went to her and kissed her and made a fuss and when they let her go she left the kitchen, feigning exasperation. I sat with the group and we spooned down the soup and ate the leftover oatcakes, which had gone cold. Though the lighthearted mood had evaporated after the spat with the patrol, I still felt mildly elated. I apologised to them again for my disappearance but Chloe shook her head, saying it wasn’t my fault, she just hated being spied on by the damn unit all the time, as if she was the enemy in some war game.

While they talked about the health of the two boys in the settlement, I tore a cake into pieces and swabbed the last of my soup with it. I wondered where the patrol had been watching from while we were at the village and whether they had seen Shruti and me behind the cottage. I knew it didn’t matter. The women obviously made trips to see the men as and when they wanted; it was standard practice. Half the women at the farm were in relationships, and everybody’s business was known: who was arguing, who was solid, and who had begun sleeping with a new partner. But I was still a fresh face, and I couldn’t help feeling exposed.

As we were scraping out our bowls, Jackie came into the kitchen and sat on the bench a little way down from the group. She rested her head on her hand and watched us, her fingers massaging the folded cleft above her jaw. Her presence did not seem to affect anyone else greatly, but I was edgy and excited, the way I always was when she was close. I wondered what the unit had reported of the afternoon’s events. She had not exactly issued an order for me to be celibate during my induction, but she had warned me not to cause trouble between the women. I wasn’t sure how she would react to news that I had gone with them to the crofts and been late coming home, or that I’d given her patrol the slip.

She cupped a hand over her nose, rubbed it, and sniffed loudly before speaking. There was something about her timing that always seemed disconcerting and meticulous. ‘Martyn’s well, is he?’ she asked. Chloe looked up from her dinner. ‘He’s OK. Better than he was.’ Jackie nodded. ‘And the slake’s all in now, is it?’ I could not help reading a slight note of rebuke into the question, as if Jackie did not wholly approve of Chloe’s visits to her husband. It was Lillian who responded. ‘Yeah, just about, thanks to Sister. We’ve turned another step in case we need it. Be better to dry it inside but we’re full up already as it is. It’s been good having another pair of hands this year.’

Jackie’s pale piercing eyes ran over the group. When they reached me they stopped. She stood up, still looking at me. ‘Well done,’ she said. The comment was not directed at the others, and I knew she wasn’t talking about the peat.

[Data Lost]

Shruti had just left my bunk and I was falling through the first stage of sleep when the unit ran the mock raid. I had calmed her down after the fight, holding her head against my chest, stroking her hair and trying to ease the images out of her head. It had disturbed her to see Chloe’s face so bloody and swollen. There were few such altercations at the farm, and if Jackie had not broken it up, it would have been much worse. I barely registered Shruti moving when she got up. She leaned over and brushed my cheek with her lips. ‘See you tomorrow,’ I managed to mumble.

The doors were suddenly kicked open and before I knew what was happening there was noise and commotion, instructions were yelled out and the women in the dormitory found themselves lying face down on the floor with guns pointing at their heads. Confused and clumsy, I wondered if the Authority had arrived.

I could still taste Shruti in my mouth as I lay with my cheek pressed on the boards, and my heart pounding. A few people were whimpering. A cold shank of metal, maybe the barrel of a gun, came to rest gently on the back of my skull. Then it was lifted off. I could hear the baby crying in the barn next door, and the younger children who slept with their mothers were being told to hush.

The drill was carried out expertly, almost in darkness; the eerie glow from a hand-held light-stick was the only illumination as the covers were torn off each bed. Then the lights were switched on and Jackie walked into the room. I looked up. She had on fatigues, a thick padded vest with loops across its placket, and her hair was tied back. Her backbone looked completely extended, she stood erect, and her face was stern and remote, as if every person on the floor were a stranger to her. There was a haughty magnificence to the way she positioned herself in the centre of the dormitory, looking down on those held captive and kneeling at her feet.

The others in her unit wore balaclavas over their faces and black clothing. There were eight of them in the room, stationed at different points, holding short black rifles that I had never seen at Carhullan before. I could not tell who was who under the woollen helmets. I knew Megan and Corky would be among them, stationed either in our dormitory or another. They ran through the motions of what seemed to be a well-planned ambush.

‘Give me a count?’ Jackie said. ‘All in,’ replied one of the unit. Jackie nodded and the women tipped their guns down a fraction and filed out. She held up her hands. ‘All right, ladies. Thank you for your cooperation. You’ve been very helpful. Sorry to disturb you. Try and get some rest now and I’ll go over all this with you tomorrow.’ She turned on her heel and left, closing the dormitory door behind her.

For a moment there was absolute quiet. Then people began groaning and swearing as they climbed back into bed. ‘What the hell was that about?’ I asked Nnenna. She looked distraught. She shook her head, rolled over and pulled a pillow over her face. I went to the door and opened it an inch. Out in the damp courtyard the cobblestones shone. There was nobody there, and the lights in the main house were off. It was as though nothing had happened.

The women complained into the early hours about the treatment and in the morning the yellow banner was taken out of the dresser and hung above the fire, and a meeting was called for that evening. I had lain awake a long time afterwards going over the details of the incident. It was the second time I had had a rifle trained on me by one of the Sisters. The first had been an empty threat, though I had not known it then. This time the weapons were of a different calibre; they looked heavy-duty and I wondered where they had come from, and whether they were loaded. I wondered why Jackie had chosen that night in particular to test us. I knew there was little she did without reason. I had not noticed the absence of those in her unit from the dormitory earlier on, and nothing had occurred in the main house at supper to indicate something was afoot. They must have gotten out of bed, I thought, without waking anyone, after Shruti had gone. Or perhaps it had all been staged from within. I felt less shaken and insulted than the others in the byre. I was used to Authority checks and searches. Instead I was curious about the purpose of the raid.