Chris Abani - The Secret History of Las Vegas

I told you not to call me that, Sunil said.

What should I call you?

Why don’t you just call me Doctor?

There are eighteen doctors in the U.S. called Dr. Doctor and one called Dr. Surgeon, Water said.

It is important that we establish some boundaries in our communication, Sunil continued. When you call me Doc, you sound like Bugs Bunny.

Mel Blanc, the original voice for Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots, Water said.

How are you feeling today, Sunil asked Fire, changing the subject.

I’m good. We are good.

Could you maybe expand a little on that, Sunil asked.

We had eggs for breakfast, after an early snack of Red Vines and M&M’s. I’m not sure what level of detail you’re looking for.

I see you’re being difficult again. Water, how are you?

Sharks lay the largest eggs in the world, Water said.

Really, Water? You’re going to keep this up?

Tone, Dr. Singh, tone, Fire said with a smirk.

Sunil took a deep breath. Your chart looks good, he said, your vitals are holding strong. How did you sleep?

I slept like a baby, Fire said. But then I always do. Water, on the other hand, he doesn’t sleep much.

And your appetite?

Pretty good, Fire said.

Water?

Selah is a tree, Water said.

I’m sorry?

Selah is a tree and that’s why I can’t sleep, Water said.

Selah was our mother’s name, Fire said, his stubby hand rubbing Water’s face gently. His head, however, never looked in Water’s direction. And even his hand movements seemed forced and clumsy: unnatural. Sunil made a note in the chart.

And why is she a tree, Sunil asked.

Trees are the oldest living organisms, Water said. He still hadn’t looked at Sunil.

Sunil was leaning against the bed. Why is she a tree, Water, he asked again.

Water was silent.

Can you tell me why he thinks your mother is a tree, Sunil asked Fire.

Fire looked away.

What can you tell me about your mother, Sunil asked.

She is dead, Fire said. She passed on when we were twelve.

I see, Sunil said. And your father?

We never knew our father. For all we know he was God.

And that would make you what, Jesus?

The Bible is the Word of God, Water said.

Look, I’m trying to conduct a basic evaluation here of your mental health. If you keep up with these kinds of answers I’m going to have to assume that you actually believe them.

The mustard seed was a parable by Jesus, Water said.

Fire was silent.

Understand that if I take your answers seriously, Sunil said, then I have to conclude that you suffer from delusions.

Delusions of biblical proportions, Fire said, smirking.

Fifty Bibles are sold every minute across the world, Water said.

What does that mean to you, Sunil asked Water.

Water shrugged. Shakespeare was forty-six when the King James Version of the Bible was compiled. In Psalms 46, the forty-sixth word from the first word is “shake” and the forty-sixth word from the last word is “spear,” he said.

Do you both realize the severity of your situation? You will either go to prison or be remanded to a secure wing of a mental hospital. Is that what you want?

What will be will be, I can’t worry about that, Fire said.

I think you should, if not for your sake, then your brother’s.

I’ve been taking care of my brother for years, since Selah died, so don’t tell me how, thank you very much.

Fire and Water are always together because we are born of steam, Water said.

Sunil sighed. This was going to be hard.

Look, Doc, this whole thing is loaded against us, Fire said. We can’t win in a rigged game.

How do you mean exactly, Sunil asked.

I just don’t think the justice system works for people like me, Fire said.

Are you saying you’re above the law?

This is exactly my point, Doc. When I admit that I don’t believe in this country’s justice system, you think I’m saying I am above the law, which you might call a grandiose sense of self-worth. If I keep making jokes you will say I am exhibiting glibness and superficial charm. If you decide that I am not answering your questions or at least not answering them honestly, you will think I am a pathological liar and that I am cunning and manipulative. If I complain about any of this, you will say I am not accepting responsibility for my own actions. If I admit to being bored, which I am by the way, you could read that as a need for stimulation and proneness to thrill seeking. I am living off the side of my brother, so I do qualify for parasitic lifestyle and I think you will agree that I’m pretty high on the aggressive narcissism scale, which makes me think you are going for an evaluation of us that fits with something you’ve already decided.

Such as?

If we’re supposed to be serial killers, Fire said, then my guess is we are supposed to be psychopaths.

An American study found that one in twenty men was a psychopath, Water said.

Well, Doc, am I right so far?

No, Sunil said. I’m here with an open mind. Are you?

If you are, then what am I, Fire said, and cackled.

Interesting how you keep switching between the pronouns we, us, and I.

Is it? I don’t think so. Fire paused, then, taking a shuddering breath, began again. About Selah, she killed herself — hanged herself, to be precise, from the branch of a bristlecone pine that grew on the edge of our property.

I’m sorry, Sunil said. That couldn’t have been easy for you at twelve.

It wasn’t.

Do you know why she did it?

We were downwinders, you know, downwind from the nuclear tests. She had leukemia, she was dying, so she gave us away and hanged herself.

Gave you away?

She gave us to Fred’s dad, Reverend Jacobs, and his freak show, the Lord’s Marvels.

Is that how you grew up? With a circus?

A sideshow, Doc, a sideshow. Not a circus. Yes, we grew up as freaks and hardcore downwinder nationalists. Sideshow or die, Fire said.

Why do you call yourselves freaks, Sunil asked.

It’s a badge of honor, Fire said. That’s what Reverend Jacobs gave us. Pride. You see, freaks are made, not born. Birth defects, unusual genetic formations, they make you less capable in this able-biased society, but they don’t make you a freak. Freakery you learn, you cultivate, you earn.

And what’s a downwinder nationalist, Sunil pressed.

Oh for fuck’s sake, Doc, Fire snapped. Look into it, do your own fucking work.

Your attitude is not very constructive right now, Sunil said.

Yeah, whatever, Dr. Phil, Fire said. We want a phone call. Don’t we get a phone call?

The telephone was invented to talk to the dead, Water said.

Sunil noted that Water’s tongue seemed to protrude a little from his mouth when Fire was speaking, but not when they were both silent. It was a small thing but one he’d noticed the day before at County. He didn’t know what it meant, or if it meant anything at all.

When you say the telephone was invented to speak to the dead, what do you mean, he asked Water.

Just that, Doc, Fire replied. That’s what Edison invented the telephone for.

When Thomas Edison died in 1941, Henry Ford captured his last breath in a bottle, Water said.

If you could have a phone call, who would you call, Sunil asked.

Fred, Water said.

Fred, Fire agreed.

What is Fred’s last name, Sunil asked.

Fred Jacobs, Fire said. So do we get our call, Doc?

The word “doctor” comes from the Latin doctori, meaning to teach, Water said.

Thank you, Water, Sunil said. Is there any way you can get your brother to speak to me, he asked Fire.

He is speaking to you, Fire said.

I see, Sunil said. Giving the chart to the nurse, he said, I’ve modified their medication, be careful with the dosage. And with that, he headed out the door.