Ma Jian - The Dark Road

‘That woman there…’ Meili gasps, ‘it’s me!’

‘My God, you’re right! I recognise that flowery shirt. Let me enlarge the photo. Yes, no question about it. It’s you!’

‘My face is filthy. How embarrassing! Close it at once!’ Meili puts her hands over the screen. ‘Must have been that student from Guangzhou University who came to our workshop last year. He walked straight in, squatted down beside me and started snapping away without asking my permission.’

‘I’m going to download the photo. How amazing! My little village songstress has entered the world wide web… Look at this article I found on a British website. It says: “The Emma Maersk , the largest container ship in the world, sailed from China to the United Kingdom to deliver 45,000 tonnes of Chinese-manufactured Christmas toys, then returned to southern China a few weeks later loaded with UK electronic waste… Heaven Township is now the largest e-waste dump in the world. As much as 70 % of the world’s toxic e-waste is shipped to this area of southern China, where it is processed in makeshift workshops by migrant labourers who are paid just $1.50 a day…”’

‘Will everyone in the world be able to see that photograph of me?’

‘Yes, once it’s online it can’t be removed. This is the age of the internet.’

‘So, if I sang on the computer, the whole world would be able to hear me?’

‘Yes, you can upload anything you want onto the net… Look — this is the most important part: “88 % of Heaven residents suffer from skin, respiratory, neurological or digestive diseases. Levels of lead poisoning and leukaemia among children are six times higher than the national average. In just ten years, Heaven Township, once a collection of sleepy rice villages, has become a digital-waste hell, a toxic graveyard of the world’s electronic refuse. The air is thick with dioxin-laden ash; the soil saturated with lead, mercury and tin; the rivers and groundwater are so polluted that drinking water has to be trucked in from neighbouring counties…”’ Tang peeps over his glasses to check Meili’s reaction.

‘I’d hate to contract a skin disease,’ she says. ‘If you know computers are so dangerous, why do you sit in front of one all day?’

‘They’re only dangerous when you take them apart… Look here: “High levels of infertility have been detected among women who have resided in Heaven Township for over three years.”’

‘Lucky them! No illness can match the pain of childbirth.’

‘Meili, you’re not pregnant, are you?’ Tang asks tentatively. ‘Forgive me for asking.’

‘Are you saying I look fat?’ Meili has become accustomed to this question over the last two and a half years.

‘No, no — not fat. It’s just that your belly looks a little bloated, that’s all. I was worried you might have developed a tumour, or something, from working with all that toxic waste.’

‘You’re right, I probably have cancer of the womb. I should rip my uterus out and give it back to the state.’ She turns to leave, but Tang grabs her hand and pulls her back.

‘I don’t think you look fat,’ he says. ‘I promise you. I’m just… so fond of you, that’s all. I can’t help saying what’s on my mind.’

‘I’d better rinse the bottles again before I go,’ Meili says, trying to pull her hand free. He often attempts to plant a kiss on her cheek before she leaves, telling her that this is what foreigners do, but she always backs away. She strokes her belly and says to herself, Yes — little Heaven is a tumour growing in my flesh. If anyone asks me if I’m pregnant, I’ll tell them I have a tumour. I have the right to have one, and I have the right to be too poor to have it removed…

‘How long have you been married?’ he asks, still clutching her hand.

‘Ten years,’ she says, her cheeks reddening. ‘We had the wedding in the village, then honeymooned in Beijing,’ she blurts, wanting him to know that she’s visited the capital. Since Kongzi was arrested for gambling, she no longer feels proud to be his wife. And since she returned to him after her escape from the brothel, she has felt that the old Meili died somewhere out on the road. She wants to be a strong, adventurous woman who doesn’t rely on a man for her happiness. She is comfortable treating Tang as a friend or a younger brother, but if he asked to be her lover or husband, she’d cut all ties with him. As Suya wrote in her red journal, ‘Love is the beginning of all pain.’

‘So, what did you think of Beijing?’ Tang asks, stroking the desk now that Meili has tugged her hand free.

‘The Forbidden Palace was so huge it terrified me — only emperors would dare live in such a place…’ Meili says, then dries up. She isn’t used to being asked her opinions. ‘I went into a supermarket to buy a drink. There was a mountain of lemonade bottles on display but when I tried to pay for one the checkout girl said no one could buy any until Workers’ Day…’

‘Look at these photographs I took in England. This is my lecture hall. This is the university garden when it snowed.’

‘Was one of those your girlfriend?’ Meili asks nervously, standing behind his chair.

‘She’s Spanish — a great dancer! And the other girl’s from France. I travelled to Switzerland with them.’

‘Huh — I don’t want to hear about that,’ Meili says disapprovingly. The photograph shows Tang sitting between two foreign girls, his arms around their shoulders and a big grin on his face. On the table in front of them are glasses of wine and a large birthday cake.

‘This is a protest march in Paris… St Peter’s Square in Rome.’

‘Let me see if any of the countries you visited have population-control policies,’ Meili says, leaning over to type a few keywords into the search box.

‘I know that England certainly doesn’t. Pregnant women are treated with respect there. They have specially allocated seats on buses and trains, and can give birth in hospital free of charge. The government even pays parents a weekly allowance to cover the cost of milk powder and nappies.’

‘You’re lying to me! How could such a wonderful place exist?’

‘I’m not lying. Lots of pregnant women smuggle themselves out of China to give birth in Europe or Hong Kong. If you plan to have another baby, you should do the same. Now that China has entered the WTO, foreign countries are much more welcoming to Chinese visitors.’

‘You’ll have to teach me English first,’ says Meili, then remembering how Suya said men should be used but not loved, she kneels down and looks up at him with a smile. ‘You mustn’t say I’m stupid, though. I only went to school for three years.’

Tang puts his arm around her. ‘You’re not stupid. You’re just pure and wholesome and… Listen, I wanted to ask you: will you let me take you out for dinner at the China Pavilion Restaurant tomorrow evening?’

‘What for? No, no…’

‘It’s your birthday. Have you forgotten?’ He strokes her hair and looks lovingly into her eyes. ‘You must have more belief in yourself and value your talents. In England, the first thing our professor told us was that we should find the confidence to surpass him…’

‘Are you still here, Meili?’ Jun calls out from the landing. ‘Then you can change Hong’s nappy before you leave.’

Tang pulls a face and whispers: ‘Better do as she asks.’ When his buck teeth show, he reminds her of the pet rabbit she had as a child.

It’s dark outside now. The fluorescent strip on the sitting-room ceiling and the blue light from the mute television in the corner make the room feel cold and stiff. The infant spirit sees Mother change the nappy of the screaming baby, put it to sleep in a cot, and move downstairs. On the ground floor, workers are dismantling and smelting. The smell of burnt Bakelite follows Mother out into the garden that is fenced with corrugated iron and barbed wire. She opens the steel security gate and closes it behind her. In a shop window at the end of the dark street she sees a seascape painting framed in bright strip lights above a bowl of pink plastic tulips. Smiling down at her belly, she whispers, Still don’t want to come out? Well, he’s noticed you, little tumour. Look at those nice jeans in the window. If it weren’t for you, I could fit into them… Mother puts one hand on her hip and throws the other in the air, mimicking the pose of the mannequin in the window… Back in the house, Father is filling out forms while Nannan is writing essays in exercise books, wearing a blue dress with a panda badge pinned to the front. ‘Did you know you can explore the whole world on the internet?’ Mother says as she walks in. ‘We must buy a computer. They’re so much more interesting than televisions.’