William Vollmann - The Royal Family

She’s dead, Domino. Mama saw her.

You saw some other slut by the same name. Lily’s too stupid to die. She’s always telling us she’s stupid. She admits it. And if she did croak, who the fuck cares? Get out of my light, Bea — you stink! When’s the last time you took a bath?

But later, when the meth wore off, Domino came into the Queen’s presence where she could no longer escape or deny her sisters’ tear-shining faces even though the Queen stood very straight, upraising her chin with her hands clasped behind her back as if she were some old Nubian figurine whose arms had been broken off by centuries or vandals. Then, expressing what others considered mere mercuriality but which was really an almost holy empathy with her surroundings, Domino also cried. (Even Tyler would be infected by this surprising outbreak of sadness, which he certainly would not have felt had he simply never happened to see Lily again. This taught him the vanity and egotism of grief, which so often comprises nothing except childish rebellion against the closing off of possibilities.)

We got to give the bitch a funeral, said Chocolate. That was one messed up bitch, but that was our bitch. That was our sister.

Where is she? said Domino.

Cops took her someplace, maybe to Dr. Jasper’s office. You know who Dr. Jasper is?

Yeah, I know.

I think maybe her Mama was still alive…

I hate this life, Domino said. I hate my life.

What the fuck’s your life got to do with this? This is somebody else’s tragedy here. This ain’t your tragedy.

The Queen gestured impatiently, and all fell silent.

Can we see her again, Mama? asked Beatrice.

Never mind about that, the Queen said. Close your eyes tight and you’ll see her.

Sapphire, touching the Queen’s face wide-eyed, finally understood that something might be amiss and began to whimper fearfully. All the whores saw how the Queen’s arms trembled as she embraced the idiot girl. Domino began to sob loudly then. — Let’s not allow those fuckers to take her away, Maj! she shouted. Let’s go get Lily and—

Never mind, Dom, the Queen whispered. Gonna have a nice little going-away party for her, I promise…

Bernadette got excited and said: Can we take the night off like we did when Sunflower passed away?

’Course we can, child.

Is she gonna be with Sunflower now, Mama?

Yeah, she is, Bea, oh yes. You’re my angel. Someday you gonna be up there with ’em, too. You’re my sweetheart. You’re my dear little girl.

In just the same way that Chocolate always stood hand on hip with a bewildered look whenever she needed to return to the sexual disease clinic even though she’d already been there so many times, Domino now fretted and puzzled over what was, after all, not such a surprising event — who can count all the street-whores who’ve been murdered, for God’s sake?

I knew you bitches couldn’t be trusted, she muttered. You’re all running away from me…

Allrightie, Dom, all right, said the Queen. C’mere.

What about me? said Chocolate. Me an’ Lily, we was this close. So why the fuck can Dom go first? It’s not right.

That’s not your line, sneered Domino from the safety of the Queen’s arms. That’s Strawberry’s line.

All right now, the Queen said.

Holding Domino almost fiercely while Sapphire clung to her knees, she composed herself, then raised her hand reassuringly as they filed before her, and she touched them one by one. Later they gashed themselves with the edges of their bottlecap charms.

Who’s gonna kick in for Lily’s funeral? said the Queen. How ’bout you, Beatrice?

All right, said Beatrice without enthusiasm, maybe I can go out an’ do a B.J. or somethin’ and kick in five dollars…

Strawberry?

Why do we have to help that fuckin’ bitch? She’s scandalous. She snitched on me one time—

Strawberry, shut the fuck up when the Queen’s talkin’, warned the tall man.

I am, I am!

Talk about snitches! You’re all fuckin’ snitches!

Well, Strawberry?

Gimme a few hours, Maj. I’ll try an’ get five dollars. That bitch is gonna owe me in Heaven.

Bernadette?

Oh, come on, Maj, I got the shakes; I gotta get well…

If you got the shakes then use ’em. Go shake some ass and make some money. That’s the way to get well, child. Domino?

This is not going to work with me, the blonde said coolly.

An’ you was just cryin’! tittered Chocolate.

Shut up! Shut up! You’re the one who abandoned me that time on South Van Ness. How dare you even — Maj, make her…

How much you gonna put in, Dom?

I told you. Zip. Squat. Fuck, that’s all Lily ever did, was zip and squat. I say good riddance.

Dom, I don’t like your attitude.

Oh, leave me alone for once, Maj. You’re always picking on me. Lily’s nothing to me, so why the hell do I have to break bread?

’Cause she’s your sister .

I don’t care; she never—

The Queen rose. — Hey, ho, shake it down; break some bread, you little cocksucker fuckin’ bitchmama shitass, she said tonelessly.

Where are you from? the trick said.

Africa, said the small black woman. How ’bout you?

From here.

Well, what brought you here?

My wife got a job here, said the trick.

And where’s your wife now?

At home.

Oh, so she’s at home, but you’re out and about, huh? chuckled the Queen. What was you fixin’ to do?

You feel like takin’ a ride with me?

Sure. Sure we can have some fun.

She got into the car.

How far is it you be wantin’ to take me? she asked.

About two miles, he said. He was a balding, bigheaded man, whose white moustache curved down, and whose heavy eyes expressed a crazy sadness and vulnerability, like some bestubbled pouting child.

Allrightie now, the Queen said. What’s your plan? Or you just playin’ with me like I was a little bird?

I want to — I, uh…

It’s okay, mister. Nobody have to be shy around me. I know what you want. You want me to make wee-wee on your face?

How did you guess that? said the bigheaded man, agitated.

Well, sweetie, I guess I just know sometimes. I can do that. That’s no problem if I can drink a beer or something first, to make some water for you…

I want to ask you something, the trick said.

Shoot, said the Queen.

What did you like to do when you were little?

Oh, playin.’ I just used to play an’ play. Playin’ with the boys.

We’re almost there now, the bigheaded man said. We just have to turn in this alley here…

Now, how much was you fixin’ to spend?

Twenty dollars.

If you pay me forty I’ll give you lots and lots of wee-wee, sang the Queen in her lullaby voice.

Uh — okay… the trick whispered.

They pulled into the dark alley and he switched off the motor and unzipped his pants. His penis was tall and thin like the antenna on the left rear of a police car. The Queen smiled at him. He took her little hand and wrapped it around his glans. Then, with the habitual motion of the bearded shopping cart man who always checks every pay phone for forgotten change he reached under the floormat and came up with a knife.

She gazed at him with sad brown eyes. She’d known it all along. — That’s him, Maj, Strawberry had whispered. That’s the one that hurt Lily.

Are you sure?

Cross my heart.

Did you see them together?

No, but Justin said—

Never mind, child. Queen can see the light of truth. Queen can look inside everything. That’s him. Can’t you see that shinin’ slime come oozin’ from his heart?