Adam Mars-Jones - Cedilla

Here it was

There was no bottom to the vessel of disappointment, no end to its pouring out. The fountain of disillusionment has an infinite cubic capacity, and there is no slaking the thirst for an anti-climax. I was bathed and sluiced down by living streams of negation, the metaphysical liquids freely gushing from their transfinite tank, disappointment that can never run dry, a cataract of revealed futility.

Disappointment is a form of grace, and I was blessed beyond all expectation. I was no more than a stray eyelash which the unobserving world would never know it had shed, unmissed ciliary casualty, cedilla without a c to hang from. In some way this must have been what I wanted. I had made it clear from the start that it was important for me to confront the world on equal terms. Nothing else would satisfy me. I had waited a long time for the day when there would be no safety-nets, and here it was.

Adam Mars-Jones has published two books of stories ( Lantern Lecture and Monopolies of Loss ), two novels ( The Waters of Thirst and Pilcrow ) and a collection of essays ( Blind Bitter Happiness ). His story ‘Summer Lightning’ has been hailed by the website Yarns Without Threads as a landmark of naturist short fiction (as opposed to short naturist fiction).