Gordon Lish - Collected Fictions

Finland is a gaudy-feathered place.

Could I ask you a personal question?

Why am I sitting here making every excuse for you?

I used to think polio in Italy meant impetigo.

Or vice versa.

Ivory Scales.

Ivory Sleet.

Caress.

The man took to walking.

The man walked everywhere and took everything — the remains of matchbooks, the names of soaps — shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh — notes, feathers.

Here's the thing.

Feder when I was a child.

You got the thing?

That's the thing.

Look no word in the eye.

Or the mouth.

Except pediment.

Except for pediment.

Who are you suing?

Wouldn't you like to know.

Are you suing me?

You'll find out.

I'm suing.

Who are you suing?

Somebody. People.

Which people?

Just people.

I'm suing.

Who are you suing?

Just some people.

Do I know them?

Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies.

I'm suing.

Who are you suing?

That's for me to know.

How come you can't tell me?

Oh, how come I can't tell you.

I'm suing.

Why are you suing?

Have to. No choice.

Can't you work it out?

Work what out?

What you're suing over.

Who told you I'm suing?

You did.

I said I'm suing?

Two seconds ago.

Well, I am. I'm suing.

So what about?

Things.

What things?

Things they did.

Irreparable things?

Intolerable things.

Think it over first.

I thought already.

Suing's a big step.

That's why I'm taking it.

You have a lawyer?

I'll get a lawyer.

You need a good lawyer.

I'll get a good lawyer.

They cost, you know.

I look like I just got off the boat?

Talk about bucks per hour, oh boy!

I look like I'm still wet behind the ears?

Guess what a lawyer gets.

I look like I'm just a babe in the woods?

Show me a lawyer on welfare.

I look like I haven't been around the block?

Just watch yourself, is all I'm saying.

I look like I was born yesterday?

Just watch your step.

You see me in diapers?

I'm just saying.

I'm suing.

Why do you want to sue?

Bring the bastards to their knees.

Which bastards?

Oh, wouldn't you like to know.

I'm suing.

Better watch it.

Watch what?

Suing somebody.

Why should I worry about suing somebody?

They could sue back.

They could sue back?

Countersue.

Countersue for what?

For suing.

People can do that?

Anybody can do that.

The bastards. The dirty rotten crummy bastards.

I'm suing.

Why sue? Mediate instead.

Mediate?

Come to terms.

What terms?

Give a little, take a little.

Don't sue?

Don't sue.

But there are issues involved.

Issues, shmissues.

It's people like you.

It's people like me what?

It's people like you.

It's people like me what?

You know.

I'm suing.

So you're suing.

I'm really going to sue.

It's your right.

I'm within my rights.

It's permitted under law.

It's the remedy under the law.

People can sue.

Oh, don't I know it.

So who's the defendant?

Can't discuss it.

You can't discuss it?

Can't discuss it.

But why'd you tell me in the first place?

Tell you what? Who told you anything?

You told me you're going to sue.

That's right. Can't wait, either.

You want my advice?

What's your advice?

Make a deal. Don't sue.

No deals. I don't make deals.

Think it over.

Thought it over plenty already.

Just promise me you'll think it over.

Justice, sweetheart, you never heard of justice?

Justice for who?

For the one in the right.

Who's that?

I'm that.

Are you suing me?

No comment.

Are you suing me?

My lips are sealed.

It's me you're suing, isn't it?

Does the shoe fit?

But why are you suing me?

Who said it's you?

Just don't forget, boyo.

Just don't forget what?

Two can play the same game.

What game is that?

The suing game.

I say I'm suing someone?

You think I can't take a hint?

Who hinted? I didn't hint.

So sue me if you're going to sue me.

What's the hurry? I'm in no hurry.

What about we talk it out?

I'm through with talking.

I can make concessions.

Name me a couple.

I could give ground.

Describe the ground.

There are areas.

I'm listening. Tell me areas.

I need time.

An honest person needs time?

Recoup, regroup. Think straight.

I'll settle for one area.

Would you take an apology?

It depends. I'll ask my lawyer.

I'm prepared to make steep concessions.

I like that. How steep?

You won't be sorry.

That's up to my lawyer.

Can't we keep the lawyers out of this?

Innocent people don't plead.

Be reasonable. I wasn't ready for this.

Ready for what?

For bringing a lawsuit.

You're suing? Who are you suing?

It's a countersuit.

You don't say.

They sue you, you sue them.

Tit for tat?

Tit for tat.

This is your last word in the matter?

You just heard it.

Which is it, tit or tat?

You see why everybody wants to sue you?

Who wants to sue me?

Everybody does.

For asking a question?

For irking people.

I just remembered.

What did you just remember?

Who I'm suing. I'm suing people.

What have people ever done to you?

Did I just go crazy?

What have people ever done to you?

Am I out of my mind?

What have people ever done to you?

Excuse me, but did I just now go out of my mind?

I'm only asking.

You want what? You want names and addresses?

I'll take a name. Also an address.

This is why I am suing you.

You're suing me?

Now you know why I'm suing you.

So sue me. I'm filing a countersuit.

Good.

We'll sue each other.

Good.

We'll sue one another.

Good.

This'll resolve it for good.

Good.

Are you mocking me?

You bastard. I'll fix you. I'll finish you.

You were always against me, weren't you?

You'll pay through the nose.

We'll see who pays.

Monkey see, monkey do.

You'll sing a different tune.

Oh, I'm trembling. See me tremble?

You'll all pay. Every last one of you.

Have you seen a doctor?

I can't wait. I just can't wait.

See a doctor.

Don't worry, we'll see who's crazy.

Consult a doctor. It's for the best.

You swine will stop at nothing.

I feel sorry for you.

Shame, for shame. How can you stand yourself?

You are really a very sick human being.

I'm sick, I'm sick. We'll see who's sick.

There but for the grace of God and so forth.

You give thanks? I give thanks.

This is a perfect example.

Example of what, example of what?

Don't you see yourself? Take a look at yourself.

Me? Take a look at me?

It's sad. It's really sad.

That's some joke, you saying sad.

You're confused, aren't you?

Who's confused? I'm supposed to be confused?

Good God, you don't know who's who or what's what.

Who doesn't know? I don't know?

All you can do is mimic me, can't you?

You're gaslighting me, aren't you?

You know the word nuts?

This is a gaslighting thing, isn't it?

Is that a movie reference, gaslighting?

You're trying to throw me off.

We worry for you. We're trying to help you.

That's so low. That's the lowest.