Mark Dunn - American Decameron

7.) R. Windrow was booked into DCJ. At this time she asked the booking sergeant for her coffee pot. This request was denied, though she was commended for her chutzpa.

8.) All the above occurred in Dallas County, Texas, except for the part about Arliss Smuell. He lives in Pecos County.

(signed) Deputy Strawn Birdie

Office of Dallas County Sheriff

SWORN AND SUBSCRIBED TO before me the Affiant on this the 29th day of October, 1979: Morris Morales, NOTARY PUBLIC

CAUSE NO. 23,471

THE STATE OF TEXAS

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JUSTICE COURT

v.

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PRECINCT NO. SIX

ROBERTINE WINDROW

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DALLAS CTY, TX

TO THE HONORABLE JUDGE OF SAID COURT:

NOW COMES THE DEFENDANT ON THIS 30TH DAY OF SEPTEMBER, 1979, AND PLEADS NOT GUILTY TO THE CHARGE OF ASSAULT BY CONTACT, AND REQUESTS A HEARING.

(signed) Robertine Windrow

OPTIONAL: State briefly your reason for pleading not guilty. (This information is requested for statistical purposes only and will not be considered as an adjunct to your sworn testimony.)

I read the affadavid which officer Birdie filled out on last night. I never seen so many lies on sheet of paper in my life. If he gets up that stand and spouts them same lies I’m going to through something right at him head I mean it.

Why did he lie? Why did he lie? I tell you why Officer Birdie lyed. Because my parents payed him. He took there money and lyed. Yes he was bribed. I tried to tell them at the jail. I say look in his pockets. Check the fingerprints on the money in his pockets. You’ll find my Daddy’s fingerprints. Say she swing that coffeepot round like it was a nunchuck. Here ten dollers. Say she hit in the nape. Here ten more dollers. Say she followed us to the Spoke and Rains Supper Club and through the coffeepot at us while we was kicking up our heels dancing the Cotton Eyed Joe. Here twentyfive dollers because that one was good one. Heh heh.

I’m just sitting there in the den being quite and not bothering nobody. Just watching the Newleywed Game and drinking my cupcoffee. That’s all. Just drinking my cupcoffee. And he puts hancuffs on me like I was an animal and halls me off to jail.

It is an outrag.

NO. 14672

PUBLIC INTOXICATION

THE STATE OF TEXAS

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JUSTICE COURT

v.

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PRECINCT NO. SIX

ZENA WINDROW

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DALLAS CTY, TX

AFFIDAVITS FILED IN DEFENSE OF ZENA WINDROW

The undersigned Affiants, who after being duly sworn by me, on oath, make the following statements:

AFFIANT: VIONA HASKELL

My neighbor Zena Windrow has been inconvenienced since the summer of 1959 by her marriage to Gus, who is nothing but trouble in human form, and by their hellcat daughter Robertine, who throws coffee pots at people and watches Bob Eubanks without her clothes on. Zena is a good woman and does not drink as a rule until she is pushed to the limit, and even then, her intoxicated behavior is unobtrusive and almost demure, unlike her husband Gus and that she-devil daughter Robertine, who have been known to get into howling competitions with each other and ululate until at least two in the morning. The fact that her husband was arrested last night for celebrating too noisily the arrest of that sewer-mouthed minx daughter of theirs should have been no cause for arresting of Zena. She was merely a bystander to his antics, although she did hold a can of malt liquor in her hand as if she meant business.

AFFIANT: GINGER CRAMPO

I heard noise out in the street and thought it was Barbara Bel Geddes, who my husband believes comes into our neighborhood to hit garbage can lids together. I looked out to see Gus Windrow hooting and hollering as if he had just won the Irish Sweepstakes and banging garbage can lids together as if he was Barbara Bel Geddes. Zena was pleading with him to stop and trying to pull him back inside though he would have none of it. My husband said that he would call the police if Mr. Windrow didn’t go back inside, but he ignored him and then went and peed on one of our tires. Not a tire that was on a car but the tire that I had been using for a raised marigold garden. Zena was NOT the one drinking!

PLAINTIFF’S ORIGINAL PETITION

SMALL CLAIMS CAUSE NUMBER 10212

Filed:October 31, 1979

Plaintiff:Ginger Crampo

Defendant:Gus Windrow

The Defendant is justly indebted to the Plaintiff in the sum of $55.00 for: (Briefly describe the nature of Plaintiff’s demand and claim.)

I am filing this small claims suit against Mr. Gus Windrow for damages that were done to several of my front yard ornaments last night. Mr. Windrow fell onto one of my hedges and trampled a bed of nasturtiums and urinated on my marigolds. What is more, he put toilet paper in my trees and I am not altogether certain that the toilet paper is fresh off the roll. I am enclosing Polaroids of the damage. You will note that in one of the pictures I am standing in front of one of my vandalized trees holding today’s newspaper to establish that the vandalism occurred last night and not tonight. This being Halloween, I am certain that ruffians in my neighborhood will deposit their own toilet paper and Mr. Gus Windrow will insist that all of the toilet paper was theirs.

DEFENDANT’S ORIGINAL ANSWER

SMALL CLAIMS CAUSE NUMBER 10212

Filed:November 5, 1979

Plaintiff:Ginger Crampo

Defendant:Gus Windrow

I am contesting this lawsuit brought against me by Mrs. Crampo. I did not put that toilet paper in her trees. I’ll admit that I was in a celebratory mood, as my daughter Robertine had finally been placed safely behind bars after spending a lifetime making her mother and me miserable with the hurling of various objects at us and speaking nasty of her mother’s cooking, though Zena tries very hard to make good meals for us both in spite of the fact that she has to work two jobs, because I cannot work after an industrial accident that left both of my hands turned backwards.

Who is Mrs. Crappo fooling by standing out in her yard holding a newspaper dated October 31? I know for a fact that she filed this lawsuit on November 1 and gave it the date of October 31 so that I would have to clean up what those tricksters in the neighborhood put into her trees. And what does it mean to hold up a newspaper anyway? I could stand on the grassy knoll and hold up a newspaper from 1963 and you’re still not going to believe that I was at Dealey Plaza on the day that JFK got shot, especially since there will be those (such as my wife Zena) who will tell you in all honesty that I was actually in Fort Worth at the time having a boil on my bottom lanced.

Mrs. Crappo blamed me for rolling her yard so she would not have to finger the roughneck boys. That’s “A.” And “B”—Mrs. Crappo blamed me because she is trying to build a case for having Zena and me evicted because her brother Vance Holman, who owns Holman Properties, wants us out as of yesterday!

NO. 5714

HOLMAN PROPERTIES

}{ JUSTICE COURT v.

}{ PCT. NUMBER FIVE G. WINDROW, Z. WINDROW ET AL.

}{ DALLAS CTY, TX

SWORN COMPLAINT FOR FORCIBLE DETAINER

TO THE HONORABLE JUDGE OF SAID COURT:

COMES NOW on November 7, 1979, Holman Properties, Plaintiff herein, and files this action of forcible entry and detainer against Gus and Zena Windrow and all others, Defendants herein, and in support of such action would show the Court as follows:

I.

Plaintiff is Holman Properties.

II.

Defendants Gus and Zena Windrow, and daughter Robertine Windrow, are individuals residing in Dallas County, Texas, and may be served with citation in this case at 2415 Ector Crossing in Dallas, Dallas County, Texas.