Mai Jia - Decoded

A fucking house pet!*

02

He feels this way: he’s terrified of hospitals.

After being admitted to hospital, all the strongest men turn into pitiable creatures. Small and puny. Like children. Or old men. Other people will inevitably show concern for them. . like the concern they show for a pet.

* This was underlined in the original English version; as were some other passages below.

03

All that exists is reasonable, but not necessarily sensible — I heard him say this. Well said!

04

In the window you see the reflection of your head wrapped in a bandage; it’s like a wounded soldier fresh from the front line.

05

Suppose the bleeding in my stomach is type A, the blood from my forehead is B, the serious illness is X, then it’s quite obvious, the space between A and B possesses a multidirectional relationship with X, A is inside, B is outside, or perhaps A is dark, B is light. To proceed, you could also understand A as being on top, or positive, or this, B in contrast, B is on the bottom, or negative, or that, in brief it is a homologous multidirectional relationship. This type of multidirectional relationship does not need to be constructed upon a solid foundation, rather it is entirely random. But once this randomness appears, it becomes a necessity, then if there is no A there can be no B, B is the necessary counterpart of A. The concrete characteristic of this multidirectional relationship is akin to the theory of the binary nature of mathematical constants proposed by Georg Weinacht*. . could it be that Weinacht has also experienced something similar to what you have, and took from it the inspiration to invent his theory?

06

There is an explanation for the wound on the edge of my forehead –

Paul said: ‘The season prompts people to till the land, why is it that you are seated here crying?’

The farmer said: ‘Just now a donkey bucked and with one of its feet kicked out two of my front teeth.’

Paul said: ‘Then you ought to be laughing, why is it that you cry?’

The farmer said: ‘I cry because I am in pain and feel deeply hurt, tell me, why should I laugh?’

Paul said: ‘The Lord has said, for a young man to have lost his teeth and have had his forehead split is a good omen, it means that happiness will soon be upon you.’

The farmer said: ‘Then please entreat the Lord to give me a son.’

In that year, the farmer indeed had a son.*

Now your forehead has also been cracked open, will happiness soon be upon you as well?

Something will indeed happen, only it is difficult for you to tell if it will be good or ill. That’s because you don’t know what is good for you.

* Remember, Weinacht and Liseiwicz were one and the same. At this time, however, Rong Jinzhen did not know this.

07

I have seen all that is under heaven and it is all hollow, empty, all clutching at the wind. That which is crooked cannot be straightened, that which lacks cannot ever be sufficient. My heart tells me that I have obtained a formidable intelligence, surpassing all of those from my time before in Jerusalem, and my heart has experienced and possesses more knowledge and understands more of things. I have also been engrossed in open enquiries and secret searches into wisdom, egotism and ignorance, but I know that this is still only clutching at the wind. With much knowledge comes much worry and frustration; increasing knowledge only increases grief.†

08

He is very rich, ever richer.

He is destitute, ever more destitute.

He is he.

He is also he.

09

The doctor said a good stomach is smooth on the outside and rough on the inside: if you turned it inside out, with the rough

* This is a Bible story. The Apostle Paul was on the road to Jerusalem to preach. One day he met a farmer down on his knees wailing profusely. They had the above conversation.

† This passage is derived from Ecclesiastes 5.

side outermost, then a good stomach would look very much like a newly hatched chick, covered from top to bottom with shaggy hair. The hair would be evenly distributed. But my stomach is the reverse: it looks like someone suffering from favus of the scalp, oozing with blood and pus. The doctor also said most people assume that stomach disease is caused by the consumption of unhealthy foods, but actually, the main reason for a stomach ailment is obsessive worrying. It is not brought about by injurious drink and food, but by utopian longings and flights of fancy.

When have I consumed injurious drink and food?

My stomach seems like a foreign substance in my body, an enemy (a spy); it has never smiled at me.

10

You should loathe your stomach.

But you cannot.

The imprint of Daddy rests upon it.

It was that old man who had forged your stomach: it has a harmful disposition, extremely fragile, like a pear blossom. Does your stomach know how many pear blossoms it has consumed?

When your stomach hurts, you think of pear blossoms, you think of that old man.

Daddy, you’re not dead, not only do you live in my heart, you also live on in my stomach.

11

You always exert great energy to walk forward; you don’t like to look behind. Because you don’t like to look behind, you make demands on yourself to exert even more energy to walk forward.

12

All that is under heaven has all been planned by God.

If you were allowed to make your own plans, you might make of yourself a hermit who has fled this world, or perhaps a prisoner. The best would be an innocent prisoner, or a prisoner who cannot be saved; in any case a man free of guilt.

At present, God’s plan conforms to your wishes.

13

A shadow has caught hold of you.

Because you stopped.

14

Yet another shadow has caught hold of you!

15

Klaus Johannes said sleeping is most exhausting because you have to dream.

I say not working is most exhausting because your mind is empty. It is very much like dreaming; the past can take advantage of your weakness and burst in.

Work is the means by which the past can be forgotten, and even the reason for it can be cast off.

16

Like a bird leaving its nest. Like running away. .

17

‘You ungrateful bastard, where are you running to?’

‘I’m to your west. . in the valley a kilometre away.’

‘Why haven’t you returned to see us?’

‘I can’t. . ’

‘Only a criminal cannot return home!’

‘I am almost a criminal. . ’

He is his own criminal!

18

You gave him too much! With too much he simply won’t dare to recollect, thinking makes him uncomfortable, he feels remorseful, humbled, he would think that all he has was obtained by luck and that would be depressing, as though his pitiful lot in life had been achieved by preying on your benevolence.

The ancients said, no more no less, no contentment no suffering. God said, all under heaven is unsatisfactory. .

19

Some people who are loved become blessed; others become cursed. Because of such a blessing, he wanted to return.

Because of being cursed, he wanted to leave.

He did not leave because he discovered this, it was because he hda left that he learnt of it.

20

An ignorant person has no fear.

Fear is like a cord wound around him, pulling him back; it seemed to be hung round him telling people he was unsuitable to be confided in.

21

Mummy, how are you?